Anyone Other Than Me
by icekweem23
Summary: Finally COMPLETED after a seven-year wait! Yes, that's right, I actually finished it! What? Tomoyo's forgotten who she is? Eight years after the second CCS movie, Meiling plays detective to help her friend uncover why she chose to abandon her friends and old life. Please R & R!
1. Pictures Of You

All right, here's the updated (after over a whole year, no less!), edited and less cringe-worthy version of _Anyone Other Than Me_, my very first (but not my last) CCS fan fiction (for more information about what has changed in this new version, check out chapter 11). There are a lot of shoujo-ai elements, and some pretty dark angst in some of the later chapters, but I believe this is a story anyone with an open mind and heart can enjoy. And I hope you do. XD

**DISCLAIMER**: CCS, and all its characters, locations, signature items and trademarks, are owned by CLAMP. I own this fan fiction story, please do not reprint it anywhere (or print it out and chew on it) without my permission. That is all.

* * *

** Anyone Other Than Me **

**Chapter One  
Pictures of You**

Tuesday, 12:43 PM

Meiling Li checked her watch, not so much out of a desire to know what time it was, but rather because there was too much on her mind for her not to check her watch. She took a quick glance around the Mall of America before her; Minnesota was a nice place, she thought, but she'd hate to have to live there.

Thirty feet away and closing, Madison Taylor checked _her _watch. She, on the other hand, had good reason to. She was running late for class again. And for some reason she was actually worried. Strange behavior, especially for a Tuesday. Then again, she remembered a time (or at least thought she remembered) when she was never late for anything. Or when her socks matched, she added, stopping to inspect her inappropriate inner footwear before realizing she was losing precious seconds doing so.

Picking up her composure, Madison tossed her long wavy hair about, and turned around to continue down the path that would take her to the parking lot, and the elevator in the corner that would lead down to the bus stop. But in that rare moment of turning around and thinking she knocked shoulders with another girl, and consequently stumbled onto the tiled floor.

Meiling caught herself from the fall, and quickly offered her hand to help up her latest victim. She was klutzy enough to be labeled a menace to society.

"I- I'm sorry... I wasn't looking," the other girl said, taking Meiling's hand.

"No, no, I'm an expert at getting into trouble."

Madison looked up at the Collision Expert, whose eyes began to bulge.

Meiling studied the fallen one's face awkwardly.

"AHHH! Daidouji-san!"

"Wha- what?"

"Daidouji-saaaaan! It's really you!"

At this Madison raised an eyebrow, adjusted her hair and picked up her bag, thinking that this helpful stranger was a little too kooky for her taste.

"OkaythanksIhavetogoI'minkindofahurry…"

"AMAZING! Where have you been all these years! What are the chances---"

Meiling stared in shock as Madison walked briskly away, as if hoping to get out of this one without a quarrel. But it was not to be. Meiling piped up in Japanese.

"Daidouji-san! DAI-DOU-JI-SAN! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

Upon hearing this strange girl speak to her in her native language, Madison sweatdropped and tried to make some sort of peace.

"Um... Oh, I'm sorry. Were you talking to me?"

Meiling put her hands on her hips commandingly and looked straight into Madison's eyes. But instead of ignoring her, the latter found herself trying to place a name for the former's distinct face. She had ruby-red eyes, long black locks and needed a serious change in wardrobe. Madison should have known. She was taking courses in fashion at the Arts Institutes International Minnesota. But as the deep-blue-eyed girl guessed correctly, fashion was the last thing on Meiling's mind.

"Who ELSE would I be talking to? C'mon, quit messing around! It's me, Meiling!"

The verdict was in. Nope, she didn't know a Meiling, and she didn't think she wanted to have to know one.

"N-no... I'm sorry. Look, you must have me confused for someone else."

"Daidouji-san!"

Meiling didn't have time for this. Or the patience. Actually, she had less patience than she did time. She ran after the girl she knew and loved as Tomoyo Daidouji.

Madison didn't have time for this either. There were precious minutes slipping away from her here, and she hated missing her History of Women's Fashion Design class.

But there was something about this strange girl, she thought, as Meiling cut her off once again, standing with her arms crossed over her chest and staring at her like she'd just broken her heart. Perhaps they HAD met before. Either that or there was seriously wrong with her, because she was starting to tear at the eyes.

Meiling wanted to be angry, to shake her up and down. Instead she let her arms fall to the sides, then brought them together to plead.

"Please, Daidouji-san! I don't know what happened, but don't... Don't do this."

Madison went up to Meiling and offered her a handkerchief from the breast pocket of her denim jacket.

"Don't do what? I'm sorry..." She struggled to find the right words to say. "Look, I really didn't mean to bump your shoulder, I was just---"

Frustrated, Meiling pushed Madison away from her.

"STOP IT! This isn't about that!"

Madison cried out in a moment of shock.

Everyone walking within 20 feet of the two must have heard Meiling's scream. Embarrassed, and thinking everyone must have assumed they were a seriously troubled lesbian couple, Madison made a peaceful hand gesture and whispered "Come" into Meiling's ear. She then pulled the other girl aside, leading her to the parking lot entrance. Whoever this was, she couldn't afford to waste any more time with her.

"Look... I'm sorry, but I don't know you, okay?"

"Yes, you do."

"Who are you looking for again?"

"Daidouji! Tomoyo Daidouji!"

At this Madison paused. That name... She knew it. There was something wrong here. Definitely.

"Daidouji? Wait. That's my mom's last name," she continued.

"I know, I know! And it's YOUR last name too..." Meiling gave Madison a look of concern. If she wasn't just being difficult, there was something seriously wrong with her. "D-don't you remember?"

"She had my last name changed to protect me," Madison said, though she never thought of what she was being protected from. "But I've always been Madison."

"You're Tomoyo," Meiling said with a tone of finality that echoed deeply among the hollow concrete before fading into Madison's consciousness, where it would stay forever.

The ashen-haired girl turned away from Meiling, and before long took a deep breath, looking down once again at her mismatched socks. No doubt about it. The weirdest Tuesday since the time she found the instinctive need to buy a video camera and smash it into tiny bits the minute she brought it into her apartment. But that's another story.

"You're wrong. You've got the wrong person." But now even "Madison" wasn't so sure.

Biting her lip, Meiling took her wallet out from her little red purse. Madison recoiled a little, half-knowing she was going to be treated to a photograph collection. What was going on here?

"Here, have a look."

Madison took the pile of pictures with shaky hands. Here she was... A little younger, in clothes that looked like something she'd worn in a dream, at a place that she could hear but not see. She was about fifteen or sixteen, a video camera in one hand, an ice cream cone in the other, leaning on the rail of a small stone bridge. And beside her was this red-eyed Chinese girl, winking at the camera. Trying to get away from the picture, she flipped to the next, which saw the two joined by a third party. Meiling was evidently taking an unexpected piggy-back ride on a disgruntled boy while "Tomoyo" stood laughing with her hand over her mouth. Only that wasn't "Tomoyo". That was her. And she was speechless. And overcome by a sudden migraine. Without even thinking it, Madison put one hand on her temple, and her left eye twitched painfully as she tried to hand back the pile of incriminating photographs to the other girl.

"This is... Impos---"

Meiling scanned her friend nervously, and ultimately found herself lunging forward to catch her as she fainted.

**(Spinning-Card commercial goes here)**

Tuesday, 2:52 PM

The sound of a car door closing. The glare of the noontime light shining in between buildings. The soft caress of hotel bedsheets. Madison felt all these seemingly at once, as one feels such things as if they took place over an eternity in a dreamlike state, only to lose all recollection of that feeling upon waking.

Madison hadn't had a good dream in a very long time, and she never knew why. Not that she remembered her dream, but this time – somehow she knew - was different. She woke up to a smile, cuddling a pillow to her face, and somehow the fact that she was 3 hours late for her course on the influence of World War II on modern fashion didn't bother her a bit. In fact, she didn't even seem to take in that she was in someone else's hotel room as she stood up to look for a bathroom.

"This IS important! I've got her daughter here with me! And what? And, uh... I'm holding her hostage! For five billion Yen! So you'd better go get her, mmmph?"

Madison's eyes bulged out of her sockets. She picked up a large wine bottle and waited outside the doorway.

"All right, all right, I'll connect you to her cellphone. But don't tell her it was me who did it... I'm new here, see?"

Meiling Li paced around the bathroom, telephone (stretched from the bedside table) in one hand, guide to hotel expenses in the other. She looked up the international call rate and cringed, biting her lip in sheer frustration when she finally stumbled upon it.

"Agreed. And could you HURRY IT UP, PLEASE?"

The hotel room expenses guide landed in the toilet.

"Waitaminute... If you really kidnapped Ms. Daidouji's daughter, shouldn't you just ask her what her home number is?"

"No! She was, uh, screaming, so I, umm, put something over her mouth... Hey! Who's the kidnapper here, huh? Who's telling who what to do! Just GET HER ON THE---"

"Sonomi Daidouji speaking."

Meiling flushed the toilet, drowning out the following curse words.

"--- TELEPHONE LINE, OR ELSE I SWEAR I'M GONNA GO OVER THERE AND---"

"Hey! Tone it down, will you! I'm in the middle of a freeway! Now who is this?"

Meiling nearly dropped the phone.

"Ahh... Um... Sorry, Daidouji-sama. It's Meiling Li, calling from, uh, Minnesota."

"Meiling? Hmm... The Chinese girl, right?"

"Hai. I'm calling about Tomoyo."

"Oh, no. Did something happen to Madison?"

"Madison?"

"That's her name now, live with it... Listen, did something happen to her?"

Meiling looked at her face in the mirror, rolling her eyebrows back and forth in a wavy fashion.

"Well, not really. I just bumped into her at the mall, and then I told her her name was Tomoyo. The weird thing is that--"

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT? WHY DID YOU CALL HER TOMOYO?"

"Um... Sorry, Daidouji-sama, I---"

"ARGH! Look... is she with you?"

"Yeah. She's sleeping."

"I'll need you to do me a favor. In her wallet there's a business card for a Doctor William Haueser in St. Paul. When she wakes up I want you to tell her she has an appointment with him, um... What time is it there? Umm, better make it tonight – your time - at nine."

Meiling frowned. She closed the toilet top and sat down on it. This was evidently going to be a long conversation.

"Wait... What's going on here?"

"Meirin... you're Madison's friend, right?"

"I'm TOMOYO's friend, yeah."

"And you're willing to do something if it's in her best interest... right?"

Meiling did not like where this was going. Not one bit.

"Right."

"Okay... Three years ago Tomoyo told me she wanted to leave Japan. She said she wanted to start her life all over again, that she couldn't go on living here."

The Chinese girl's eyes widened.

"And?"

"And so I did what any rich, caring mother would do. I helped her find the best brain-wiping expert money could hire... And he just happened to be in Minnesota."

"You're saying she went to some guy to erase her memory? That's insane! She would never do such a thing!"

"No, no. He didn't erase her memory. I had him replace her memories with better ones."

"You mean memories she never had!"

"Well, what she doesn't know can't hurt---"

"Let me get this straight- you set her up in a country she didn't want to live in, with people she didn't know, just to get her away from... From, whatever it was! AHHH! And I'm sure she wouldn't have wanted it if she knew it would mean giving all of US up! The point is, Tomoyo isn't living her life anymore! It's like, someone else's life! Except... It's not! Argh!"

"It may not be the life she was used to. But it's a happy one. Look, there's no price too high for peace of mind, you know! She's happy where she is, but NOW, thanks to YOU, she's going to need to be hypnotized AGAIN! For the fourth time... Sigh... Look, the last thing I wanted was for my daughter to turn out like... Well, like her mother."

"What are you talking about? There's nothing wrong with you."

Sonomi sighed as she pulled off at her exit, thoughts of Nadeshiko crawling back into her head. 'There's nothing wrong with me', she thought. 'If only it were true.'

Oblivious to this (and being on the other side of the world), Meiling continued.

"I can't believe you just gave up on Tomoyo like that."

"You don't understand. I didn't give up on her. I gave her a chance to start all over again. You don't know what she's been through, Meirin. Now you just make sure she gets to that doctor tonight, okay? And tell her to take the pills in her purse! Two after dinner! Because if she calls me up asking who she is again... Well, it's your head. "

Meiling opened her mouth to protest, but her brain was still compiling all of this sudden information.

"And don't think I won't send people over there to make sure everything is all right. So do what you're told. And don't tell her I called."

Meiling hung her head low as she heard the click of the phone. With a worried look she stood up and retraced the phone line out the bathroom door, but as she pushed it open and turned right she came face-to-face with Tomoyo, leaning against the wall outside the bathroom, at a complete loss for words. Meiling dropped the telephone on impulse, and calmed her anxious hands on her friend's shoulders, not sure of what she would say when her friend finally lifted her head to face her.

But she never did.

Doing what she would never have done three years ago, Tomoyo (as she will be known as from here on) forcibly broke away from the other girl's gentle hands and stormed over to the balcony to think.

The Chinese girl looked at her friend worriedly. Her hotel phone bill was definitely not the issue to worry about anymore.

* * *

**(To Be Continued sign goes here)**


	2. Close My Eyes For A Moment

**Chapter Two **  
**Close My Eyes For A Moment... And The Moment's Gone**

_It's like a dream. Except now I know that it isn't just another recurring dream. It really happened. Heck, most of my dreams in the past few years were probably memories. I wish I could remember them. Any of them. But somehow I doubt that it will be as easy as going to sleep. Not now that it feels like I'm waking up again. Slowly, yes, but surely... These dreams will turn into memories. _

_Back to the vision. Words flow out from my mouth... But I can't understand what I'm saying. Darn. I must not have tapped into that part of my subconscious yet. I'm still a child, looking up at the faceless people as I walk around slowly in a foreign marketplace, the light from the world outside shining down on the ground before me my only guide... And a talking magical lion the size of a stuffed animal half-suffocating in my purse. _

_Don't ask me to explain its existence. I've learned – again, don't ask me how - that magic is like cotton candy – when someone describes it to you it sounds ludicrous, but it doesn't matter whether you believe it exists or not, because it does anyway._

_So, yeah, I know he's in there because I can vaguely remember what happens next. I am looking for something... Or someone. I don't know exactly. All I can remember is being ran into, hit from behind. Kind of like earlier today. Except this time it wasn't me who fell down._

"_I'm sorry! Are you all right?"_

_I spin around and apologize in Japanese, even though I know it's not my fault and nobody here speaks Japanese. Well, most of them don't. But at this point in my life I don't know how else to say "I'm sorry" than "Gomenne". I haven't learned English yet, I realize. And then... Yup, I gasp and draw back. Except this time it's different. I can see her face clearly now. Meiling._

_"I'm fine, but..."_

_She looks up at me before realizing who I am._

_"Japanese?"_

_I smile, like I always do. And I offer her **my** hand._

_"Good afternoon."_

_"Daidouji-san!"_

_She takes my hand and asks me the question I already have an answer for as I pull her back up._

_"Why are you here?"_

_"Sakura-chan won the grand prize in a drawing, and so..."_

_"Hey girl-child!"_

_Kero pops out of my purse and greets Meiling giddily. She bends down to converse with him._

_"Oh, the stuffed animal's with you, too."_

_"What?"_

_Meiling was on a roll. "Did you get fatter?"_

_As expected, Kero-chan's furious. Adorable!_

_"Say that again!"_

_Without saying a word, Meiling pushes Kero into the bag and closes the top right on his tail. Ouch. Not that I was paying attention at the time, but sometimes it's the details that help. Red purse. Kero... Somehow I can picture him quite clearly in my mind. Meiling continues her conversation with me._

_"Anyway, have you seen---"_

_And all of a sudden, everything goes black._

Tuesday, 4:11 PM

"Hey! Look, just tell them I'm running a little late, okay?"

Tomoyo shook her head awake as she sat up from her queen-sized bed, slightly disorientted. How long had she been asleep? She glanced over to the digital clock on the bedside table. Four-twelve PM. Great. It would have helped if she checked the clock before she dozed off...

And when exactly was that? And never mind the time. What was she doing in a fellow Asian girl's hotel room? And why did this particular girl have a room with two beds if she was staying alone?

Trying to piece together the last few hours of her day brought back to Tomoyo how strange this all was. The pictures, the fainting, the phone call... It was enough of a head-scratcher to mess anyone up. But she just hadn't felt that panic that you see in movies; that frightened moment where you want the truth, no matter what. Not yet, she thought... Not yet. She didn't want to think about what would happen when it hit her that she used to be someone else. She didn't have an answer.

"How long? Until five-thirty! That's it? Come on! Oh... So he's going to golf tomorrow. Well that ain't my problem... Sigh... All right, all right. Thanks."

And with this, Meiling hung up the phone and sat down on the bed across from her friend, exhausted.

"You okay?"

Tomoyo nodded, smiling, putting aside what she vaguely remembered of her memory to pay attention to Meiling. She owed this girl something.

"Yeah."

Meiling dropped on her back and grabbed a pillow to her chest.

"That was the lady from the college my aunt sent me to apply for. Not that I wanna go to school here... It's strange that she would send me all the way out here just to apply for a college transfer... I already told her that if the Hong Kong Academy of Performing Arts rejects my latest application, I'm probably going to move to Japan or something... Maybe get some more martial arts training so I can open a gym... Or try to get into a Japanese Theater program, or something. But you don't really care."

Meiling sat back up and adjusted her hair, tilting her head to the side to look at Tomoyo. She wasn't one to sit still for long.

"So, Daidouji-san?"

"Huh?"

"Do you remember me now?"

"Well... I remember once... A long time ago, I think... You bumped into me back in Hong Kong."

"Eh? I don't even remember that!"

After grabbing her hair in a brief fit of childish agony, Meiling turned back to Tomoyo, and spoke slowly, taking her friend's pale hands in her own.

"You don't remember the late-night e-mails? Letters? Telephone calls? Penguin Park? Rave parties? Saku--"

"No... I don't even remember anyone else. I mean... I barely remember you... Just that one time when we were kids... And, well..." She looked up thoughtfully. "! I remember Kero..."

Meiling's eyes got all small and beady.

"You remember that stuffed animal... But you don't remember what I gave you for your 16th birthday!"

Tomoyo closed her eyes and shook her head from side to side innocently. Meiling loved the way her hair swished about... Though she didn't dare admit that another girl's hairstyle was superior to hers.

"I don't know for sure, but it seems like I can only remember something if I see a person or object that reminds me of it. Like before I would have these dreams, but I could never remember them because when I woke up I couldn't remember any names or faces. But now because I saw you at the mall, I remembered you as I woke up just now... And I remember the time you bumped into me in Hong Kong. You were looking for someone..."

"Wait. Was I looking for Shaoran?"

"Huh?" Tomoyo exclaimed. "Did you say Shao-ugh!"

In the midst of trying to find a face to connect with that name, Tomoyo grabbed at her head. Another migraine. Or something like it, Meiling thought.

"Uh... I mean, I wasn't looking for Shaoran! Ahh! Don't think of Shaoran! Um... Forget that name! Daidouji-san! C'mon! Don't faint again!"

Shaking herself out of her headache, Tomoyo took a deep breath as she diverted her eyes to the hotel room floor. Meiling looked on in anxiety.

"Ow..."

"I'm sorry, Daidouji-san."

"No, no, it's me. You said that it was my fault, and that I gave all of my friends up to be here... So I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey... I didn't say those exact words. Come on. Cheer up. The Tomoyo I know was never so depressed."

"Well, I'm not the Tomoyo you knew."

As she said this, there was moment of awkward silence. Meiling took a sigh, and then stood up, grabbing her friend by the hand and pulling her to her feet.

"Let's go for a walk outside, Daidouji-san. Maybe you'll feel better."

"No, it's all right." Meiling looked disappointed. "It's not that I don't want to remember... I just don't want to be a burden, um... Miss Meiling. You've got an interview, right?"

"Never mind that silly interview! It's not like I really WANNA go to college here... 'Sides, I've got until six o'clock! And PLEASE, call me Meiling-chan!"

Meiling waved an imposing fist at Tomoyo, who didn't seem to have any choice in the matter.

"But earlier on the phone you said five-thirty, Meiling-chan."

"Oh. Well I meant six o'clock. Come on!"

Meiling snapped out of bed and grabbed her trench coat and gloves. Tomoyo smiled, noting that Minnesota must certainly be quite an unusually cold place for this newfound friend of hers, even in the early fall. She walked past the slightly shorter Meiling, out the door before her friend put on her arctic boots and snow beanie.

**(Commercial with the spinning-card thing goes here)**

Tuesday 4:15 PM

The two girls made their way out of the crowded hotel lobby and into the crowded streets. The cloudy sky cast a quiet gloom upon the bustling Bloomington metropolis, cluttered as it was with hotels and other, non-hotel buildings. Meiling always felt even smaller than she was when walking through cities, and she honestly held no love for them, having grown up in a relatively secluded and natural environment. Still, even Tomoyo wouldn't have guessed this, sensitive as she was to these things, as Meiling just smiled as she skipped through the crosswalks, exploring the city alongside her long-lost friend as if this was the most fun thing in the world.

"So what do you remember of your childhood here, Daidouji-san?"

'Boy, was this girl blunt,' Tomoyo thought. She felt her heart thump against her chest. Sweat trickled down her face. It was the uncomfortable feeling of facing the bare facts. Or, in Tomoyo's case, the lack thereof. She didn't want to believe that the few childhood memories she could piece together from growing up with her mother in Minneapolis were fake. None of this made sense to her at all; why she was here and why this was all happening. But Tomoyo was strong. She had to try and remember that childhood before she could move on from it... Or before she could affirm it.

"I- I remember living with my mom up north in Minneapolis. I don't remember what happened to my father, though."

"Hey... Y'know what, neither do I."

"Huh?"

"You never mentioned your dad when we were younger."

"Oh... Yeah... Well, not that I would have remembered, anyway, but--"

"Hmm. Come to think of it, you never really talked much about yourself. It was always..."

"Always what?"

"N-nothing."

The two girls stopped to smile at a few children waving at them from the playground. Tomoyo lagged behind a few seconds, her eyes scanning the grounds, as if one of those faces would bring back another repressed memory, or flesh out one she already kept in her head and prove this whole "hypnosis" thing to be the bad dream she hoped it was.

"Come to think of it... I can't remember much before my seventeenth birthday. I don't know if I was always like this, or---"

"Your phone."

"Come again?"

"Your phone is ringing, Daidouji-san."

"Ah!"

Tomoyo scrambled into her purse, nearly dropping it as she clumsily pulled out her cellular phone. Meiling, perplexed at how absent-minded her friend had become, took a step back and leaned on a nearby building as her friend struggled to answer her call. For someone who was such a graceful youth, she had grown up to be quite a klutz.

"Hi! Madison Tay---"

"Thank God! Where have you been?"

"Ross? Hey!"

"Yeah... Look, wherever you've been, you didn't miss much in class, nothing that's gonna be on the final at least. Well, some of it, but I'll lend you the notes, it doesn't really matter. But the important thing is that you don't forget about your appointment with Dr. Haueser tonight, okay? The one from St. Paul? I think you have his number in your wallet..."

"Hmmm... I don't remember scheduling a doctor's appointment..."

Meiling suspiciously opened one eye and listened intently to her friend's side of the conversation.

"Trust me, you did. Maybe you forgot to write it down or something. But call him up now just to make sure, okay? His number's in your wallet, behind your ATM card. Oh, and don't forget to take your pills, too."

Tomoyo's eyes grew as fast the smile on her lips faded.

"H-how do you know about the pills... And my wallet?"

Tomoyo never heard his reply, as Meiling leaned in, snatched Tomoyo's cellphone from her hands and took a breath before screaming into it.

"YEAH! HOW DO YA KNOW ALL THAT, HUH? And just who are you, anyway?"

"Meiling! That's my best friend!"

The Chinese girl turned to face Tomoyo, and with a look of calm silenced her. Tomoyo cringed, restraining her hands as well as her tongue.

"How long have you been working for Sonomi Daidouji?" Meiling screamed into the receiver. Tomoyo sank back and clutched at her forehead, realizing that she was going to have a lot to explain to poor Ross once Meiling was through with him.

"HOW LONG?"

"That's enough!"

Tomoyo tried snatching her phone back from Meiling. But by this time Tomoyo was standing so close to Meiling she could hear into the receiver. The Chinese girl held out the cell phone to Tomoyo to speak into. Tomoyo was just opening her mouth to apologize when Ross replied, "Ever since Madison moved out here. Look, tell her I'm really sor--".

Hanging up the line, Tomoyo wished she hadn't heard what she just did. It was like a death-knell to her heart, the finale in a sick, strange chain of circus events that signaled the end of her life as she knew it. She was silent for a second, completely lost in her thoughts. Meiling feared that her friend would buckle under all this grief, but again... she was wrong.

"Meiling?"

"Hmm?"

"Let's go back to the hotel now."

Meiling nodded her head, spinning on her heel and leading the way with a look of trusting concern on her face. Without looking back, Tomoyo dropped her cellular phone into a street musician's cardboard box as she ran to catch up with her new best friend.

Tuesday, 4:53 PM

Meiling rapped her fingers on the woodwork of her room's desk, vowing to never stay at this hotel again, thinking of the money she wasted on a room with two beds simply because they didn't have televisions in their one-bedroom apartments. 'Can't have that', she thought to herself as she played 'Solitaire' idly on her laptop.

"Done!" Tomoyo announced, coming out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel around her body.

"The pictures are on a folder on the desktop," Meiling said. "These are from WAY back".

Nodding, Tomoyo threw her friend a smile as she sat down behind the computer to look at photographs from years long past. With every anxious click of the mouse she saw dozens of old digital and scanned film pictures, many of which were almost a decade old.

Despite the photographs, and Ross, and all that, Tomoyo was still at odds with the fact that she used to be someone else. Maybe it was something she had built into her head. A defense mechanism to remind her that this – the stuff in the pictures - was where she belonged, and that anything else – in this case, the Minnesota chapter - wouldn't really be her life. But it was now. Her life here was happy, and there was no reason for her to believe that that would ever change... All she had to do was find out how bad things could have been in that 'other' life... Then she would have peace. Then she would understand why things ended up this way. And then she could sleep well knowing those dreams were thoughts from a life that she would have done better avoiding.

Tuesday, 5:11 PM

Steam flooded out from the swiftly opened bathroom door. Through it walked Meiling, donning her personalized black-and-red bathrobe and brandishing her hairdryer with two hands like a loaded automatic handgun. Tomoyo looked up from the laptop screen to see herself being held at dryer-point.

"You have the right to remain silent, you criminal, you!"

Tomoyo reached into her jacket to pull out a candy bar she bought at the mall, and quickly pulled it on her opponent. Conscious of this threat, the Chinese girl did a slow-motion dive onto her bed and pretended to shoot Tomoyo numerous times in the head. The other girl pulled an unconvincing-looking dodge and nearly fell out of her seat. Meiling laughed as Tomoyo struggled to keep the laptop steady on the table.

"I win! So, those pictures do your memory any good, Daidouji-san?"

Tomoyo sat back down and sighed, cradling her chin in her fist and staring off blankly at the laptop screen.

"Well, there's only one way to find out."

"Huh?"

"We're going to Japan!" Tomoyo exclaimed suddenly, grinning from ear to ear like a rabid circus clown.

"All right!" Meiling jumped up and hugged Tomoyo, then walked over to get dressed. "Just help me pack and we can stop by your place... Then maybe catch a little dinner and then--"

"But Meiling-chan..."

"Yeah?"

"What about your interview?"

"Oh. Of course. We'll leave after that."

And with that Meiling threw aside the outfit she had picked out for their plane ride and began to dig into her bag for something that was, in Tomoyo's opinion, even tackier, she deemed, once Meiling held it up for a second opinion.

"It's... Really pretty, Meiling-chan."

Meiling smiled. "Yeah? You think so? Thanks."

The red-eyed girl began to change in front of the mirror, talking incessantly about where she got the horrid outfit. Tomoyo kept her eyes trained on the old picture of a children's park. Nothing special. Nothing she could remember ever happened there. But she knew somehow that she had to hunt it out. It was the park with the big blue penguin slide. This was the first key in the lock.

"Do you think, Meiling-chan, that maybe... it wasn't a coincidence?" Tomoyo asked thoughtfully.

Meiling spun around and listened intently. It's good to know you have a friend who stops admiring herself to listen to you.

"What do you mean, Daidouji-san?"

"Do you think that maybe the real reason your aunt sent you here... Was to get me?"

"Well, she's really powerful. I'm sure she has the magical ability to detect your presence, all right. Never thought of that... Do you know what that means, Daidouji-san?"

"What?"

"It's a good excuse to skip the interview!"

Tomoyo sweatdropped.

"Oh, no, you don't! Come on... Out the door with you..."

Meiling sighed, admitting defeat as she packed up what remained of her scattered clothes. Then that stroke of evil genius that hits everyone at least once in their lives suddenly to hit Meiling. And it hit hard. Like a big ugly mallet. With metal spikes and stuff.

"Well, then in that case I'd better get going! It's almost 5:20! So, Tomoyo, you can take my stuff to your place for me, right? Check-out is down at the lobby. Don't forget about the phone bill... And make sure to tip the bag-carrying-people, okay? I'll pay you back later tonight! You gave me your business card, right? So I'll just take the cab to this address and we can hop the midnight flight? What a great idea! Glad you thought of it! Okay, Daidouji-san! See you later!"

With this Meiling dashed out the door, leaving herself a good five-second head start before Tomoyo discovered what was going on.

* * *

**(To Be Continued sign goes here)**


	3. In Dreams

**Chapter Three  
In Dreams**

_There are no words to describe how surreal this feels._

_A small flock of birds flies off the pavement before us, and I feel as if they are trying to tell me this is an important moment. I can't disagree, though I'm not sure why. I pause to watch them drift away as they pass over the Seijuu Junior High School building and block the midday sun. My companion is twenty feet ahead of me, walking around wide-eyed, her short brown hair tossing about with every impulsive turn of her head, her big green eyes energetic and alive, combing the school grounds with a naïve love for nature. I've seen her before in Meiling's pictures, but they do her no justice. I don't know how, but this enthusiastic explorer... She brings me a feeling of warmth and comfort, but my past self keeps her distance from her... Wisely, I presume, for reasons I can't understand. This girl exudes such a powerful aura... It's like she is the meaning of life itself, a soul that brings happiness and an innocent love into a world that would be a lesser place without her... A much lesser place. Ahh! What am I saying? I don't know, I can't comprehend a darn thing... But I don't want to let go of this feeling. Not ever. Never._

_"HOE! Look! I found one!"_

_Immediately I stop recording her on my digital video camera and walk briskly over to where my friend has beckoned me forward with a hushed wail of excitement. She points out a butterfly, nestling comfortably on a flower in the midst of a huge bed of similar plants. My mouth opens wide at the sight of the creature, a stunning black and orange with white dots staining the top of its small but shapely wings. It is quite a find. I must have recognized the specie, because before I know it I am staring at page 23 of the Guide to Japanese Regional Butterflies from my camera bag, where there are two pictures and a short description of the creature._

_My, my... I was certainly a studious girl, I thought, especially after overhearing what must have been a fellow classmate. He was telling his exploring buddy how butterflies used to be giant creatures who flew amongst the dinosaurs but were forced by natural selection into downsizing because when it started raining their wings would get weighed down so much by the pounding water they would collapse and die. His companion evidently didn't find that very entertaining and proceeded to throttle him in the background, creating a powerful ruckus. I observe the amusing couple as I turn my head back for a second to acknowledge their presence._

_"Yamazaki-kun! Chiharu-chan! Please don't scare away the butterfly!" My companion begged, tears seeming to form in her eyes._

_Chiharu promptly smiled and nodded her head as she dropped the squinted-eyed boy on the pavement, leaving him to catch his breath. I smiled, first at them, then to the girl next to me as I read off of the page._

_"It's a Tengucho... Scientific name Libythea celtis. It says... A butterfly that immigrated to Japan long ago. They are rare in most cities, but are very common in many flatland forests, especially in countrysides with many evergreen trees. The name Tengucho is a reference to the mythical Tengu monster..."_

_"Ahh! Tomoyo-chan... This butterfly is just like the ones I saw over near my great-grandfather's house last summer... They're SO beautiful..."_

_I am listening to her, but at the same time sketching down in a journal in the "notes" section of my guidebook listing the details of the butterfly encounter. A school project requirement, no doubt... But I continue sketching in a few hearts with my pencil... What's this? Could it be...? Nah. I'm only fourteen years old... How am I aware of my age, you ask? If I could tell you I would let you know._

_"It's a shame they're so rare around Tomoeda, though," I observe with a tinge of melancholy in my voice._

_"Well, Tomoyo, if you saw something that beautiful everyday, then it wouldn't seem as beautiful anymore, would it?"_

_I halt in my tracks to catch my breath. My friend turns around to see why I've stopped._

_"No, that's not true. I see you everyday... And you're always beautiful, ---" suddenly and oddly, what sounds like high-pitched radio static blurs out the name I so lovingly address this girl by, and almost knocks me back into the realm of consciousness._

_Suddenly, her face, her eyes, and her whole body blur out gradually before my eyes, like a blotch of ink. I can barely hear my friend speak as she, along with the school, the two kids behind us and even the landscape fades together into different shapes until I can no longer recognize anything. I close my eyes to try and hide, and when I open them I find myself back in the front yard of my mom's old house in suburban Minnesota, with nobody in sight. Running into the middle of the empty streets, I scream for help, for my mom, for someone... Anyone. And all of a sudden I don't know where I am, or why I am here. Even my clothes are different from the uniform I was just wearing. The digital video camera has been replaced by a CD player, the guidebook by a teen girls' magazine. These I drop in the street and back off suddenly. I can't even remember who I was just talking to. I don't know what I'm doing, but I can't stay here. I bolt off in a random direction and the world from under me spins around until I can no longer bear to open my eyes, and my feet feel no ground beneath me. And then... It stops._

Tuesday, 7:20 PM

It was a startling moment. All of a sudden, the sleeping Tomoyo Daidouji jumped up from her couch and hit her shin on the coffee table, stumbling over it and landing in a strange heap right in front of the television. The girl was snapped immediately out of her nightmare, and brought back to the one she'd been living in for three years.

Tomoyo went through a lot of emotions all at once; shock for having suddenly fallen out of her strange dream world, anger and frustration for having forgotten everything that happened in that world, and then, finally, immense pain for knocking her left shin against a large block of mahogany. However, the girl didn't have time to grieve for the wound; her ears soon became aware of the evil sound that woke her up. The banging on the door.

"Just a minute, please!"

The front door opened to a thoroughly exhausted Meiling Li. Struggling to kick off her shoes, the Chinese girl stumbled into the hallway, fell into the living room and plopped herself down on the couch.

"So how did it go?"

"Horrible. They asked me if I had ever performed in a movie..."

Tomoyo shifted her weight on her right leg, lifting her left to quell the pain consuming it.

"And?"

"I told her about the one you made back in high school, and she asked if she could see it." Meiling said with a vigorous shake of her head, "She said she'd call me back in a week. But there's NO WAY I'm going to let anyone see me in THAT!"

"I... I made a movie?"

"You sure did. We were all in it."

Tomoyo blushed and suppressed a laugh as she walked into the kitchen of her small house. The blue-eyed girl had just about given up trying to remember what her dream was about. It didn't seem to matter, now that she thought about it. In two days she would be in Japan. And there she could settle this once and for all.

"Coffee or tea?"

"Beer. Please."

"Um, I'm sorry Meiling-chan... I'm only twenty, and I can't buy any alcohol."

Meiling sighed as she adjusted herself as best she could on the couch, mumbling something about 'stupid underage laws'. Tomoyo felt a tinge of regret and helplessness.

"Let's just get out of this country, Daidouji-san."

"Agreed. So coffee or tea?"

"Coffee, please. Black."

"Okay."

"No, no. Actually, just make it tea."

Meiling finally willed herself to sit up (actually, it was because she was restless and couldn't contain her energy once she regained it) and walked around the house, admiring the many works of art that were hanging from Tomoyo's walls. Many of them evoked certain memories of her youth, and Meiling saw clear evidences of Sakura in them; soft watercolor paintings of girls (and guys, strangely) with green eyes and brown hair, stylized noir landscapes of buildings with huge circular chunks missing from them, and, most prominently, outlandish oil pantings that were reminiscent of the Clow Cards and their different forms.

"So everything's arranged... I called the airline and booked a couple tickets for tomorrow morning. We've got a quick stop-over in Los Angeles, but we should be in Tokyo by late Thursday evening. Well, Thursday evening over here. Due to the time difference it'll be around Friday morning. But that's if our flight doesn't get delayed."

"Cool."

The Chinese girl knew she should be listening to her friend's practical information, but she found herself hard-pressed to take her big, reddish eyes off this gallery of suppressed memories.

"So YOU made all of these?"

"Yeah. My doctor said painting would help me relieve stress..."

"This stuff is amazing, Daidouji-san. It makes one feel like... Like we're back in Tomoeda."

Quietly Tomoyo marched out of the kitchen, carrying a tray with tea and blueberry muffins for her friend.

"I worked on these in the middle of the night... Sometimes I'd wake up at 2 or 4 and couldn't get back to sleep until I'd finished a painting. And I didn't know why."

Meiling took eyes off of a charcoal sketch of an angel that resembled Yue so she could look her host in the eye again. The girl politely took her cup of tea and looked at Tomoyo with a newfound sense of admiration, smiling like only she could.

"Well, I do. You were right all along, Tomoyo-chan. Your heart never left Japan."

Even if she didn't exactly know what her friend meant by this, the Japanese girl blushed at the mention of her first name, twiddling her thumbs together on her teacup.

"Not to mention you're still the best baker I've ever met," Meiling replied as she stuffed one of Tomoyo's blueberry muffins into her large mouth. "Dee-lish."

With her eyes closed, Tomoyo raised a finger to make a point. "Blueberry is the state muffin... So I had to learn to make them back in my last year of high school here."

"Still a know-it-all," Meiling observed with a smirk, placing a hand on Tomoyo's shoulder. "You didn't have to learn anything. Trust me, you already knew. You made THE best cakes. Why do you think I cried when you left?"

Tomoyo felt a little guilty at this comment, but Meiling quickly gave her a look like she wished she could have taken it back. Tomoyo decided she had to say something.

"Well, actually... Now that you mention cake..."

Wednesday, 8:20 AM

It was a hectic morning. And while it certainly wasn't the busiest section of Minnesota, it's fairly safe to say that Gate 42 was a busy place. So busy, in fact, that you wouldn't think it possible for two college-age girls to possibly fall asleep in its uncomfortable chairs, especially with the plethora of people hustling and bustling around it. But such was not the case for Tomoyo Daidouji and Meiling Li. Realizing that they weren't about to wake up on their own, a middle-aged airport official walked over to the girls and spoke into his megaphone.

"Um... We're boarding now. Ma'ams... Flight T-535 to LAX is currently boarding ALL SEATS."

Tomoyo nudged her friend awake, gazing upwards at the serious-looking official towering over them.

"Hey... Our flight..."

"Stomach... Hurts... Can't we delay it?"

"Nuh-uh. If we miss the flight to Los Angeles we miss the one to Japan."

Tomoyo lifted herself out of her seat, breathing deeply as she pulled Meiling up with her. The two struggled to bend down and pick up their carry-on baggage before joining the last of the passengers in line to board the aircraft.

"I don't think I've ever had so much cake in my whole life... I don't get it... With talent like that, how do you keep your figure so slim?"

"Well, actually... I don't eat my own cakes. Those were for Ross and his drinking buddies."

Meiling smiled as she gave her friend a soft punch in the shoulder.

"Why, you little devil..."

**(Commercial with the spinning-card thing goes here)**

Wednesday, 8:24 AM

Squeezing through the aisle, Meiling and Tomoyo navigated into their seats, and found that they were sitting in 12-A and 12-C respectively, and left as all passengers placed in such seats were to wonder who would be squeezing their way in between them for the long flight ahead.

"Just how did we manage to get up and check in on time, anyways?"

"I woke you up, Meiling-chan... At 5 o'clock I carried you into my car..."

"Oh... Oh yeah. Sorry 'bout that."

"No problem."

"I owe you for the ticket."

Tomoyo sweatdropped. "No, no, my treat."

"If you insist. But you DO know I have every intention of paying you back for my hotel bill, right?"

At this Tomoyo smiled and gave a little nod. She almost forgot.

"'Coz Meiling Li is no freeloader," the girl said, folding her arms about her chest.

Just then a humongous teenaged boy the size, mass and attractiveness of a small moon waddled into the aisle beside Tomoyo's seat. They looked up at him and tried not to quiver.

"Uhh... Is this 12-B?"

Wednesday, 2 hours after takeoff

Tomoyo struggled to see over the sleeping, snoring teen (who was involuntarily taking up 25 of her seat space) to her poor friend, who was pawing at the window as if she could escape her claustrophobic seat by looking at the gorgeous orange and pastel-colored clouds around the aircraft. Eventually she gave up and pulled the shutter down over them. Normally she loved clouds. But at this point in time they reminded her strangely of icing on a cake. And cake was the last thing she wanted on her mind at that moment. Luckily, her need to find a distraction vanished at the sound of a familiar voice.

"Meiling-chan..."

"Yeah?"

The Japanese girl checked behind them, then pushed the button on the boy's upturned handlebar allowing his chair to lean back a little. The girls leaned forward and put their heads against the seats in front of them, talking with what little eye contact they could maintain with the space they had between their fellow passenger and the other economy-class seats before them.

"Do you think that I'll be able to go back to my normal life once all of this is through? I mean, once we go back to Japan and sort everything out?"

Meiling bit her cheek softly, chewing on it as if it would help her think. She wished more than anything to assure her friend that everything would be all right. But that wasn't the truth. And a part of her – heck, all of her – wanted Tomoyo to give up this whole Minnesota business and go back to Japan again. Go back to her, to Shaoran, and, for reasons that could be beneficial to them both... to Kinomoto-san.

"I don't know, Tomoyo-chan. I don't know what's going to happen."

Tomoyo managed a nod as her lips pursed a little in thought. Meiling continued.

"But... I'm sure that things will work out for the best. You'll see."

"Yeah, I'm just... I'm afraid of what I might discover."

"And don't forget, you can always come back here, you know, any time you want. You've still got the pills in your purse, right?"

Smiling, Tomoyo nodded and leaned back in her chair.

"Thank you, Meiling-chan."

The girl in seat 12-C smiled worriedly as the Chinese girl mumbled something about needing to go to the bathroom really, really badly. As if to answer her, Meteor Boy let out a horrific snore.

Wrapping herself up in the airline blanket and hugging the accompanying pillow to her chest, Tomoyo knew that she would fall asleep soon... And if she was lucky, she would find herself taken back into that world long gone, that world that only existed in her mind... The one place where she was sure she was herself...

She hoped against reason that she could go back there. But more than that, she hoped that this time, she would actually be able to finish the storyline, to remember it – all of it - upon waking. Whatever forces existed in her mind to stop her from experiencing these memories, she was determined to overpower them. Or maybe she didn't have to... Tomoyo fell asleep pondering whether her skipping her pills that morning would affect her dreaming.

**(Another Spinning-Card Commercial-Thingy Goes Here)**

_A breeze gently brushes over my pale face as I lean over my balcony at the front yard of my ridiculously large house. My eyes are scanning the roads around it, a little nervous. In my hands I have a sketchpad, and a half-finished portrait of a familiar face. I take a look at the outdoor patio, where a tray with lemonade and pastries awaits my guest. I'm waiting for someone, but it is as if I expected her to be late. My fingers ache to pick up the pencil and continue my drawing, but judging from all the eraser marks on the dirty opposite page, I hesitate._

_And then... I hear her._

_My heart skips a beat as the unmistakable sound of my friend's voice calls out to me- she then presses the intercom button on the front gate to announce her arrival to one of my bodyguards. As soon as she walks in through the large gate, I call out to her. And this time her name rings out loud and clear._

_"Sakura-chan!"_

_I smile as she looks around to hear the source of the voice. For a few seconds she spins her head around cluelessly, and I stop... To admire her, it seems. After all, she is so cute when she doesn't know what's going on. But something tells me that is akin to saying that she's always cute. I realize that this time I'm tapping deeper into my memories... I can almost see inside my head... inside my heart._

_"Up here, Sakura-chan!"_

_Those emerald-green eyes turn up to meet mine, and she waves at me with all the arm-waving, cheerleading power she can muster._

_"Tomoyo-chan!"_

_"I'll be down in a minute..."_

_The innards of my house seem to fly by like old memories as I make my way down the stairs, through the foyer and out to the porch where my friend is waiting ever so patiently._

_Everything is a blur up to the point when we are seated at my outdoor guest table. As she plops her schoolbag down on the floor and yawns, a part of me wonders sadly if she really wants to be here... and not off somewhere else, with someone else. It is a feeling of insecurity that I realize is nothing new. How long have I lived like this? How long have I clung to this girl so? Still, the thought of her not wanting to be here quickly fades when she opens her mouth to speak._

_"It's good to get out of the house for a change... I mean, it's been a while since the two of us last had pastries at your house alone, Tomoyo-chan."_

_A warm feeling enraptures me, and it is brought to my consciousness why I hang on to everything this girl says- she is being completely honest. And she always is. Wearing her emotions on her sleeve. Describing in all truth how she feels right now so I know she isn't hiding anything. Unlike me. I feel that I have a lot to hide. A lot that she will never know._

_"Me too. I'm glad you're here." I nod my head._

_"Y-you don't mind if I pack some of these up for Kero, do you?"_

_"No! Not at all. I'm sure you promised him some sweets."_

_"Actually... Last week I forgot to bring him something from Shaoran's 15th birthday party. Just my way of saying I'm sorry."_

_Stars form in my eyes as the words "Sakura-chan is so thoughtful" flow from my lips._

_The other girl is a little embarrassed, and stuffs one of my muffins into her own mouth._

_"So Tomoyo-chan," she asks, "You wanted me to be your subject for the art class project?"_

_I nod, and give her a little smile._

_"That is, if it's okay with you, of course. I've already finished most of the outline, so you don't have to worry about posing for a long time."_

_Just like I hoped, she makes a gesture of curiosity to see the sketch, and I show her my sketchpad. She exclaims wildly and her vivid eyes light up._

_"You've really outdone yourself this time," she says with a smile. And for a moment I feel like I'm eight years old again, living memories from a life I don't remember. My companion picks up another muffin and takes a quick nibble._

_"So I assume you're going to be making a portrait of Li-kun?"_

_Sakura blushes, and with a nod she diverts her gaze elsewhere._

_"C-could you tell me if it's okay? I mean, if it looks like him?"_

_Without waiting for my answer she pulls out from her schoolbag a picture that she crafted after her beloved's liking. It is far from perfect from a technical point of view, but that is not my concern. I can feel the sheer love and effort she put into it. Those eyes... They ARE Shaoran's eyes (whoever Shaoran is, of course). In its own way, her work of art is as perfect as she is._

_"It's really cute, Sakura-chan."_

_She doesn't look too satisfied._

_"Do... Do you mean that?"_

_I sweatdrop, and will myself to be a little honest._

_"Well, you forgot his ears."_

_"HOE!"_

_As Sakura draws them in, I suppress a giggle, taking a sip of my lemonade. After much careful deliberation, she finally puts her pencil down and takes another pastry._

_"This is all Kero-chan's fault! I always used to draw people with big ears because of Kero-chan, just like that time with the bear... Until Eriol-kun helped me, of course. And since then I kept telling myself not to make Shaoran's ears big... So I guess I ended up forgetting to draw them in at all."_

_There is a little pause as I study her features, putting the finishing touches on my work of art. I can hear my pencil moving on the sketchpad as clearly as the birds chirping in the trees. The wind dances around my subject's short brown hair, making it even softer than it already is. She looks up at me._

_"How do you do it, Tomoyo-chan? How do you draw so well?"_

_I don't take my eyes off of my drawing, trying not to blush._

_"Well, it takes a little practice..."_

_I can tell she looks a little disappointed._

_"...But I'm sure your picture will turn out well, because it's a drawing of one whom you really love, and even if other people might say it doesn't look perfect, what matters is that you capture the way that person makes you feel. That's the key to making a beautiful picture, Sakura-chan... You just need to be inspired."_

_She pauses to think. I smile._

_"And how do you get... inspired?"_

_"Usually, when I sketch, I think of the most beautiful thing in the world, and that inspires me to do my best," I say, looking into her eyes. "But this time it's easy because my subject... She IS the most beautiful thing in the world."_

_Sakura sweatdrops. My starry eyes close and open again. Is it just me... or does she finally 'know'? I realize what is going on within my head, and that brings back home the fact that this is but a memory, a time long past, a world that I can do nothing to change. She is the last thing that fades away as I feel this reality slipping away from me like so many regrets. And with that feeling, my dream comes to an end._

* * *

**(To Be Continued Sign goes here)**


	4. Take It Back

**Chapter Four  
Take It Back**

Friday, 11:34 AM

Two girls walked out of Gate 49 of the infamously humongous Tokyo Terminal.

One danced her way onto the large walking conveyor belt thingy like something out of Disney's Fantasia, while the other seemed to drag her feet onto the same contraption like a manically depressed kid elephant in another Disney movie, her eyes bloodshot from keeping herself up during the day-long flight from Los Angeles.

The second girl was a little disappointed- not because the author chose to compare her with Dumbo, but rather because she wasn't quite as happy as she'd thought she would be, being where she was at the moment. And she of course hated being depressed like this... Yup, she reasoned, maybe the gravity of the situation was starting to build up on her. She turned to her companion for comfort.

"Meiling-chan?"

"Hmm?"

"You know, ever since we left Minnesota, I've been having strange dreams..."

"Yeah?"

"I can barely remember them... I mean, they're so vivid up until the moment I wake up, it's strange... What I don't understand is how I remembered my dream with you in it, but--"

"Dreams? Yeah, I had some weird dreams too. Probably because that flight was SOOO long, I mean who could stay cramped up in such a small space like that? Even though back in the day I used to fly from Hong Kong to here a lot, and that was pretty easy... Of course, nowadays I can only come about one every months now, but... yeah..."

Needless to say, she wasn't really listening.

"Maybe... And I was thinking that they might have started again because I haven't been taking my pills. Not since Tuesday morning."

"Mmmhmmm... Hey, look! They're selling those little dice-thingies you hang on your rear-view mirror! You never actually see those in real life."

Tomoyo politely put aside the subject of her friend's distraction, hoping that she would at least have ears for what she would say next.

"It's so strange, like I feel more alive in my dreams then I do when I'm awake."

Meiling rolled her eyes. "Sheesh! What animated science fiction movie spinoff did you steal that line from?" (A/N: Give me the answer, and you shall receive a nice tax-deductible cookie)

Tomoyo clammed up and bit her lip, obviously disappointed by this remark. Her friend frowned. _Bad move, Meiling. She was being serious. _The Chinese girl leaned on the rubber handle-grip on the side of the conveyor belt and gazed down at the lined metallic plates her feet were dancing around.

"Hey... Whatever it is you're dreaming about, they're memories from a time that you can't change. There's no use worrying about what's in them. I mean, um... Forgive and forget, ya know? Just like before, when I had to give up my Shaoran because he found someone else... It's not easy, but it's all stuff you have to let go. Then you can forget it."

The other girl looked more than a little irritated. She hated being preached to. But more than that, she hated the thoughts that her friend was putting into her head- the last thing she wanted to be told now is to forget the little that she could will herself to remember from her past. Tomoyo wanted to unravel the mystery surrounding her memory, and this 'advice' was serving no purpose but to mess her up, especially at a time when she wasn't quite sure of what she was doing. She felt like pulling out her hair, even though she knew Meiling meant her best. Still, Tomoyo didn't have a mean bone in her body.

"It's not like that, Meiling-chan. You don't understand."

Turning away to gaze through the large glass windows at other arriving flights, Tomoyo felt horrible for laying the truth down to Meiling like that – however mildly- even though she knew Meiling couldn't help it. Her friend wasn't perfect, and she felt like a total jerk for having expected her to be.

"Well, I'm sorry for being so stupid."

"No, I didn't mean it that way... It's just..."

Meiling opened her mouth to retort, stopping Tomoyo in mid-sentence, but decided against it. Try as she might, she couldn't imagine what confusion Tomoyo was feeling right now. She didn't look well, and there wasn't much she could do about that other than listen to what she had to say. She wished she had realized it was that simple.

"Naw. You're right. I'm sorry. I don't understand," Meiling said thoughtfully. "Now tell me about your dreams."

The other girl smiled and nodded, infinitely happy to have such good company on this lonely journey.

"Well, all I can remember is little snatches of memory... Pastries... Butterflies... A bunny-shaped eraser... And the... this name... cherry blossom... Sakura."

"S-Sakura? Kinomoto-san!"

Tomoyo shot Meiling a glance of worried expectancy. The other girl shook her head as if to quell her nervousness.

"Um... She was one of our friends back in Tomoeda."

Meiling knew that didn't accurately satisfy her friend's query. Not by a long shot.

"And?"

The Chinese girl looked a little worried.

"Um... Look, I'll tell you about it when we get out of the airport, ne?"

"Meiling-chan..."

The secret-keeper didn't know whether Tomoyo was more frustrated or disappointed.

"How about we talk about her over lunch?"

Tomoyo couldn't say no to that. She was desperate to get her chopsticks on some soba noodles. She would have been even happier to know that they had been her favorite food even before she had her memory modified.

"Sigh... All right, you win. But the minute we order, you spill."

Meiling nodded.

Friday, 11:40 PM

The stylish digital light display over the baggage trolley lit up as abruptly as the machine's treads began rotating. One by one briefcases poured out of the machine and spun around on the carrousel, ready to be plucked up by prying hands. Meiling Li put on the headphones of her Mp3 player, leaning against a pillar as the bags dropped down one by one before her. Luckily, most of them were black. She thought it silly to have a large black piece of baggage when everyone else had the same color. Tougher to find, tougher to sort through, harder to see in the dark and easy to trip on over a black-carpeted floor. She shook her head to the tune of the music, keeping her eyes peeled for a hot pink bag and a lavender-colored one. Just then she felt something pull at her jacket from behind and turned around, dealing the would-be thief with a swift blow to the head. Except it wasn't a thief.

"Tomoyo-chan! I'm so--"

"Shh! Not so loud," Tomoyo whispered, trying to catch her breath as she picked herself up from the ground. "Please..."

Meiling began to tear at the eyes as she shook her friend by the shoulders, kneeling down beside her on the cold airport floor.

"Are you sure you're okay? I'm so sorry! It's a reflex, you know, I mean back when Shaoran and I were training--"

Tomoyo put her hands (yes, she had to use both of them) over Meiling's mouth, a look of serious desperation in her sleep-deprived eyes. And she kept them there until Meiling finally realized something was going on.

"They're looking for us."

"Who?"

"My mom's bodyguards... I don't know how they knew we were here, but I saw them patrolling the exits. Look, we have to get out of here... Now."

"R-right."

The girls waited patiently in their position until they were able to snatch their bags from the trolley. They then hid behind their luggage, readying their escape plan. Tomoyo tied her hair into a ponytail and put on a pair of sunglasses. Meiling grabbed a dirty-looking hat and was about to put it on when Tomoyo commented it would attract more attention than help disguise her. The Chinese girl shrugged and, letting her hair go loose like Tomoyo's, followed behind her friend as they calmly snuck from behind the baggage trolley to hide in the shade of a pillar. Tomoyo could see the exit to the streets about fifty feet away. She pulled out a compact and, using it as an improvised kind of sideways periscope, peeked around the pillar to see four well-dressed female bodyguards with sunglasses and earpieces, their eyes peeled on each of the different exits.

"We can exit from upstairs, right? At the airport parking?"

"No, Meiling-chan, there's too much of a clearing near the escalator... Besides, they could be covering the exits up there, too. Down here people are crowding to get into the cabs. That'll be our cover. I'll take the doors to the far right. You go through the second one from the left."

"And then what?"

"Then... We split up... Or something."

"All right. Meet me at the Tomoeda Art Museum, second floor. If you're not there in an hour, I'll go over to your house to, um... Liberate you. Just don't let them know I came here with you."

Tomoyo blushed a little. "You'd do that for me?"

"Don't call me a hero yet," Meiling said coolly. "and let's hope it doesn't come to that."

Tomoyo nodded, tightening her grip on her baggage. She stuck her pinky out to Meiling.

"For luck."

Meiling tied her pinky around Tomoyo's, and smiled.

"For luck, Tomoyo-chan."

Both girls stood ready to sprint, each looking at the other for a sign.

"Shall we go now?" Tomoyo suggested.

"Um... We shall."

Both silently counted "Three... Two... One..."

On an unspoken cue, the girls each split up and dashed out their separate exits. And just like clockwork, each found themselves in pursuit by two older ladies in black suits.

Friday, 11:43 PM

Meiling slid past people and ducked between bystanders as she negotiated her way towards an airport taxi. The agents following her were hot on her heels, and she nimbly found her way into an occupied taxi. She half-jumped, half-crawled into the back seat, and pulled her baggage up with her, quickly closing the door as Tomoyo's would-be-captors ran past the vehicle. She smiled, then turned to face the confused-looking middle-aged man who was sharing her taxi.

"Um... Sorry... But would you by any chance happen to be going to Tomoeda?"

The curly-mustached passenger shot Meiling a blank expression, and he adjusted her glasses as she gave him a hopeful little nod. Mentally kicking herself for being so stupid, and noticing the incriminating glare of the cab driver, Meiling was ready to pull open the door and bolt back into the terminal at any instant. But she soon learned that wasn't necessary.

"Well... You're in luck, kiddo. I've got a meeting with an archaeologist at the university there... I can take you as far as the campus if you wish."

"Ah! Thank you so much!"

The girl jumped onto and embraced the startled man, much to his embarrassment.

Meanwhile, Tomoyo Daidouji wasn't having such an easy time. She almost fell down during her pursuit, and ran down the entire length of the terminal curb before she could find a taxi. Desperately hailing a cab at the crowded exit of the terminal, the girl tossed her baggage into the backseat and jumped in just as one of her bodyguards lunged for the doorknob. As the girl politely asked the cab driver to take her to the Tomoeda Art Museum, she noticed in his rear view mirror a big black van descending the terminal driveway, stopping to pick up the two ladies who failed in their pursuit of the shadowy-haired girl. That shadowy-haired girl took off her sunglasses and turned around to get a better look at that big, black van.

"Hello? Cab 421, this is, um, detective Natsumi here with my partner detective Miyuki of the Boku-- er, Tokyo Airport Police. We are currently right behind you, so please stay calm and pull over your vehicle. Your passenger is the convicted leader of an international drug chain."

Taking a quick peek at the girl in the back seat, the cab driver picked up his radio to respond. With her emotive eyes, Tomoyo looked like anything but a dangerous drug lord. He couldn't help noticing that she didn't look like at all like a chihuahua either, but that was just him. Looks can be deceiving.

"No! Please, don't listen to them! Please... Keep on driving!"

"Sorry, ma'am. Airport police."

Tomoyo's bodyguards repeated their message. The cabbie looked for a place to pull over.

"Don't tell me you believe them! I mean, what kind of detective names are Natsumi and Miyuki anyways! And look at that van! Does that look like a police car to you? Come on! Don't pull over!"

The clean-shaven, bored driver shook his head and turned on the blinkers.

"They wanna send me back to Minnesota! PLEASE!"

In a single train of thought, the cabbie took one long look at Tomoyo, tried to think of something to associate with the word "Minnesota", thought of deformed frogs, turned his eyes back to the road and finally gave her a nod, turning off his right turn signal.

"Cab 421 speaking. The passenger has me by gunpoint. I'm afraid I can't stop right now. She is requesting for you to pull all units back."

Tomoyo smiled at her new hero. She heard some mumbled voices through the static in the background as her bodyguards debated heatedly about what to do.

"Tomoyo! Your mother is highly concerned about you. It is in your best interest to come with us. Please. This is ridiculous. Besides, we're supposed to be on our lunch break right now."

The ashen-haired girl took the radio from the cab driver with shaky hands.

"Tell her I didn't come here to be sent back! I just want to know the truth!"

There is a long pause on the other line, and while Tomoyo would have thought they'd given up, if the van wasn't still tailgating her cab. Finally, she heard the voice of someone she'd known all her life. Both lives, at that.

"Madison? Madison, is that you?"

"Mom!"

"Madison, why didn't you go to your doctor's appointment? If you're feeling ill I've got a doctor on call at home, dear... Just come back home and we can sort this all out ASAP."

Tomoyo took a look behind her, then turned her gaze to the road ahead. She had never stood up to her mother before... She never had to. She always got what she wanted, though she never wanted much. But this time she knew what she had to do. And as much as she loved her mom, she couldn't let her get in the way of the truth.

"I'm sorry, mother, I can't do that. I came here because I have to know what was so horrible that it made me want to leave all my friends behind..."

"But... Listen... Sometimes the truth isn't always what's best."

"I don't care," Tomoyo said shakily. "I'm not leaving until I know."

At this Sonomi stopped to think. Either she wasn't quite sure what to say, or she had a hard time saying it.

"All right... But remember, Madison, if you ever change your mind, I'll... I'll be waiting at home for you, okay?"

"Thanks," Tomoyo began, "but I won't change my mind, mother. And my name is Tomoyo."

And with that the girl named Tomoyo, signaling an end to that heated conversation, reached over to turn off the radio, then dropped the receiver as she sat back in her seat, taking in a deep breath of relief as the black van finally drifted away from the taxi. The cab driver looked back at Tomoyo with a newfound sense of respect.

"You sure told her. Except that was the air conditioner."

He reached down and turned the dial Tomoyo switched off back on.

"THAT was the radio," he continued, reaching over to a separate dial below it.

Friday, 1:20 PM

"Your mom said it was okay! THAT'S GREAT! Wow! I still can't believe we made it!"

Meiling Li launched herself onto Tomoyo like a face hugger from the movie Alien (well, not exactly, but to that effect). The victim of the embrace ran her hands down her friend's back, treasuring her first real hug in recent memory. Tomoyo looked down to the first floor of the museum, where, amidst strange abstract act structures, various intellectuals with striped long-sleeve shirts and funny hats were looking at them crossly. Not that Tomoyo really cared. She smiled as her friend finally pulled her arms away, and giddily took her hand as they walked down the hallway, carrying their check-in baggage behind them.

"That was EXCELLENT! I mean, usually I'd just fly in from Hong Kong and Wei would pick me up, but I never imagined I would be involved in a daring high-speed chase! That really got my blood pumping. I can't wait till we can tell Shaoran all about it..."

"Mmhmm... Who's Wei?"

"Oh. He's our butler."

There was a moment of silence as the girls walked into the Grecian art room, filled with ancient clay pots and covered wall-to-wall in Greek murals. Meiling took out a disposable camera from her handbag and took a quick picture of Tomoyo as she passed under a window and was caught up in a ray of light. The Chinese girl knew it would make a beautiful photograph.

"I've got a question, Tomoyo," Meiling said as she thumbed the little gear that wound up the film on her flash-less camera.

"Hmm?"

"How did you know those ladies were working for your mom?"

"I don't know. Selective memory I guess. It was when I saw their faces that I remembered."

"So it's that easy? I just have to show you someone's face and you'll remember them?"

"No... After all, I didn't remember you right away."

"Yeah, like you said... Selective memory."

Tomoyo nodded her head.

"So, Meiling-chan, tell me about Sakura."

The Chinese girl stopped in her tracks, not sure where to begin. She fiddled around with the button on the handle of her stroller bag.

"Okay... Well, you see, Tomoyo-chan, um... Once upon a time there was a girl named Sakura Kinomoto... Naw, scratch that. See... Uh... Sakura, well she was your friend since you were eight years old... And she was the sweetest, most innocent girl you'd ever find."

Tomoyo noticed Meiling restlessly shifting her eyes from one piece of art to another, as if to look for something else to say.

"And 'coz of that... You... You were..."

The red-eyed girl shook her head wildly and turned around to face Tomoyo.

"What I mean is... I think Sakura might be the reason you left."

"Wha-- WHY?"

Meiling shrugged and waltzed around nervously, spinning on her heel.

"Well, nobody really knew WHY you left Japan... But the fact of the matter is, Sakura was the only one of your friends who wasn't there at the airport to send you off..."

Tomoyo wondered what this all could have meant.

"You think maybe we got into an argument?"

"Maybe."

Deep in thought, the Japanese girl walked back out of the Grecian art room, and found herself leaning on a balcony overlooking the first floor of the museum, now crowded with children visiting from Tomoeda Elementary School. As Meiling approached from behind she noticed Tomoyo's eyes studying a large abstract art structure, as if it would help her remember what happened between her and her old friend.

"That doesn't make sense. I wouldn't want to leave this country just because of a quarrel."

Meiling leaned on the railing next to Tomoyo, and looked into her friend's eyes sheepishly.

"Hey... Forget about it, Tomoyo-chan. Let's go to the mall or Penguin Park or... Or something. C'mon... Exercise that repressed memory o' yours," Meiling said with a friendly knock on Tomoyo's noggin.

"Meiling-chan..."

"Yeah?"

"Let's go to Sakura's house."

**(Commercial with the spinning-card thing goes here)**

_A familiar tune plays in my head as I walk up on deck. This cruise ship is beyond beautiful. Beautiful. A word that is accurate in describing many worldly things... But due to its overuse, it's often misconstrued as an understatement. Take the girl leaning on the railing of the ship, for example. "Beautiful" does not begin to describe her. Then again, there are few other words that are worthy of doing so. She holds on to her cute brown summer hat, the one with a blue ribbon, afraid it might fly away. And it might. The sea winds are pretty strong this morning._

_Minutes pass without any change, or desire for change. It seems like I'm content to just watch her like this... So I back off up to about 40 feet from her, lean against one of those tubes that serve some kind of purpose that I don't know of, flip open the side-screen of my DV camera and hit the record button._

_It seems like I want nothing more than to capture this moment for myself. So I can enjoy it forever... Strangely I can understand the appeal of it all. The reason why I'm doing this._

_She laughs as the little lion on her shoulder tickles her neck with his wings. Just then a young adult, working as a waiter on the ship it seems, walks by her, evidently stopping to asking her who she's talking to. She sweatdrops as he takes one last long look at the 'stuffed animal' before walking away. Something tells me he is her older brother, though they don't look alike in the slightest..._

_Sakura smiles to herself, brushing her hair out of her eyes and gazing off towards a small island. Kero checks to see if all is clear, then rubs his tummy, bidding her a farewell._

_I keep my video camera trained on my friend as the Clow Guardian flies by me._

_"Video girl! I was looking for you!"_

_"Good morning, Kero-chan."_

_"Still recording Sakura... Sigh. You know how much it makes her nervous nowadays. Don't you have anything better to do? C'mon, let's find some food! You can help hide me from all the people who're gonna try to put me in the kids' lost and found toys section. It's happened before, ya know."_

_"Sigh... Okay... Just one more minute, okay?"_

_"Yeah, yeah."_

_Then something unexpected happens. A boy sneaks up from behind Sakura with flowers. Kero exclaims, and almost alerts Sakura to his presence. The boy must not have noticed us, though, because he continues on with his plan, grabbing Sakura's shoulder suddenly, and nearly scaring the life out of her._

_"HOE!"_

_The girl spins around to see the boy offering her a bouquet of flowers, evidently wishing her a happy 16th birthday. And then he shakes her hand, which gives her a little buzz. She exclaims at him, and he shows her the old-fashioned electric buzzer ring he's wearing, saying innocently that it was just a reminder that Sakura was born on April Fool's Day. Sakura's frown fades quickly into a smile, and she embraces her beloved. Shaoran Li holds her tight, but she breaks off their hug to give him a heartfelt kiss. Straight on the lips. Suddenly, my heart sinks. I don't know why, but my eyebrows arch in worry, and I put down the arm carrying my camera, and as it bangs the tube with a dull thud, an exclamation of shock escapes my lips. At the same time, Kero-chan's stomach rumbles and the two turn over to see us._

_I didn't know if it was Kero-chan's stomach, the thud or my gasp that alerted them to our presence. And I probably never will. But the fact of the matter is that Sakura Kinomoto wasn't happy about finding out she was being watched. She walked over to me, crossed her arms and tried to look as kind as she could will herself to be._

_"What are you doing?"_

_I stare down at my feet with a look of embarrassment written on my cheeks._

_"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan. I- I didn't know Li-kun was going to be here..."_

_Sakura turns away for a second, and behind her Li-kun was blushing, trying not to look like he was eavesdropping. My best friend twists her face into a half-frown as she realizes what I am hiding behind my back. It is a haunting expression that I realize has never left my memory, even to this day... And somehow I know that the reason it hasn't is because of the words that accompanied it. Words that I was better off forgetting._

_"Tomoyo-chan, I'm sorry to say this, but I would really appreciate it if you didn't videotape me anymore..." She says in all honestly. And I thought her bluntness was one of her good traits. "Ever," she adds as an afterthought._

_I understand how stupid this made my past self feel. I can't tell, but I think her frown turned into a look of either pity or worry as I nod my head and tighten my hand's grip on the device, vowing to get rid of it as soon as possible. Anything for my Sakura-chan, I guess._

_"I understand."_

_I beckon to Kero-chan, mumbling something about going to get some food before I turn around and head back inside the cruise ship._

_"I know it means a lot to you, but I'm sure you can find another subject... It's just that---"_

_The rest of my nightmare blocks itself out for me. The only happiness I draw from this memory is when I realize I won't remember it when I wake up._

Friday, 2:09 PM

A rigorous splashing of water drew Tomoyo Daidouji up from her makeshift couch-bed. Before she realized it, Meiling Li shook her head and glanced at her watch. She shot Tomoyo an awkward grimace.

"M-Meiling-chan?"

"I thought you might want to go biking with me before we visit Kinomoto-san. You can ride Shaoran's bike. He's off partying somewhere with some friends, or so Wei tells me."

Behind the red-eyed girl, Tomoyo saw a kindly old butler standing ready with two bicycles and matching helmets in each hand. She willed herself awake. Something told her it was a good idea to quit worrying about trying to remember the dream she'd just had.

"Who could say no?"

Friday, 4:40 PM

Two cyclists cruised swiftly through a long, empty pathway. Their riders were grinning to one another like vampires as they raced to the end of the boulevard. However, they entered a blind intersection and were rammed into by a delivery truck, resulting in serious injuries and a convoluted financial lawsuit. This is not their story. This is the story of the two cyclists who were riding at a leisurely pace three hundred feet ahead of them. These girls smiled at the cherry blossom trees in the center island of the road, and stayed as much as they could in their shade.

"I'm just saying, she's probably still at college, ya know?"

"We could just call up and ask..."

"C'mon, you wanna surprise Kinomoto-san, don't you?"

The blue-eyed girl adjusted her helmet and half-nodded. She was a little nervous about visiting her old friend, anyways. After all, Sakura might still be angry at her for whatever it was that pulled them apart. Besides, there was so much to see here. To Tomoyo, this was like cruising through the world in her dreams...

"Things have certainly changed little around here."

"Yeah..."

Meiling rolled her eyes.

"Like YOU would know."

"Well maybe somewhere in my subconscious, I do."

The other girl looked perplexed.

"You know, Meiling, a frenchman once said, it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what's essential is invisible to the eye."

The other girl smiled.

"The French... Good food. Weird people."

"You don't read much literature, do you?"

The Chinese girl looked over to Tomoyo and smiled.

"Why do you think I want to be an actress so bad?"

Both girls laughed as they veered to the right to turn back to Meiling's house and return the bikes, and hopefully take a shower before their sure-to-be-eventful night out.

Friday, 7:01 PM

"Remember... Deep breaths, Tomoyo-chan."

She didn't need to adjust her breathing. Not in the slightest. In all truth, Tomoyo Daidouji had a very calm look on her face. A look so placid that Meiling would almost admit to being envious of it. The pale-faced girl rang the doorbell, and tried to stop herself from biting her lips as she heard the voice of a middle-aged man calling out to them.

"Coming!"

Meiling gazed up at Sakura's house, which didn't stand out much in the moonlight. She might have been a third party in all of this, but she felt that she cared as much about the outcome as Tomoyo did. After all, if this was the girl who was going to trust her Shaoran to...

"Whatever I did to upset her, I just wish I could take it back."

"Aw, c'mon. What makes you think it's your fault?"

"I don't know... Something's telling me it is."

"Don't talk like that. Sheesh, this is so weird. Everyone knows I'M the pessimist, YOU'RE the happy-go-lucky dreamer."

The other girl rolled her eyes.

"Maybe I should have just stayed in Minnesota."

"Well, it's not too late to turn back."

They heard the sound of footsteps descending the walkway from the front door. Meiling couldn't take her eyes off of the gate. The Japanese girl shook her head.

"No way I'm turning back now."

Tomoyo smiled as Meiling offered her her pinky in a token of friendship.

"For luck."

"For luck, Meiling-chan."

* * *

**(To Be Continued Sign goes here)**


	5. All I Ever Wanted

**Chapter Five  
All I Ever Wanted**

Friday, 7:03 PM

Fujitaka Kinomoto tiptoed discreetly up the stairs, his feet landing ever so squishily inside his prized monkey slippers. No, that is not a typo. He was wearing slippers with the shape of a strange monkey's face on the front. His late wife had bought them for him, for they were part of a set with matching ones for both of their children as a matter of fact.

Naturally, Touya and Sakura had outgrown their monkey slippers quite quickly, but he was always quick to replace them with new animal-themed ones, not caring what specie they were really, as whoever used to manufacture those aforementioned monkey slippers apparently decided to halt their production line in favor of crafting footwear based on caricatures of nature's other, less simian forms of wildlife.

'Ah, the things that we paleontologists think of in our free time', he wondered, giving a little knock on his daughter's bedroom door, hoping he'd be heard over the blaring of her computer speakers.

"Sakura!"

"Daddy?"

Fujitaka smiled patiently as he waited for his daughter to turn her music down.

"Two of your old friends are here to see you."

"All right! Be down in a minute!"

And with this the good professor walked merrily down the stairs, back to putting the finishing touches on the cake he would bring to his visiting colleague's house the next day. Idly he wondered why Sakura had been playing her music so loudly lately, yet he knew deep in that beating red heart of his that there was definitely a good explanation for all of it. And indeed, there was, even if he wouldn't have taken it much to his liking that his daughter was getting into heated sessions of Death Fighter VII with a miniature magical lion... beast... Guardian of the Seal... thing.

Sakura Kinomoto was always late, and always in a rush. It was almost her trademark, so she didn't see anything wrong with taking a minute or two to put in those two little red cherry-shaped hair thingies she loved so much. Kero, of course, was eager to follow the girl downstairs (more out of boredom than anything else), and hopped into her handbag just as she picked it up, locked it shut (without knowing he was in there), pulled open the door and dashed down the stairs.

The brown-haired one wondered just who her father meant by 'old friends'... But she didn't wonder long, for as soon as she descended the staircase and dramatically turned to walk into her living room, she exclaimed in a way that only she could.

"HOE!" (pronounced, of course, "ho", as in Santa's ho-ho-ho+ "eh" as in "eh?")

Friday, 7:05 PM

It was a moment of strangeness as both visitors jumped up from the couch at their friend's entrance into the room. Tomoyo wasn't sure at first that she recognized the girl who was standing in front of her, exclaiming like a schoolgirl, her arms bent and held against her chest and her left palm grabbing her right fist in sheer glee.

To the ashen-haired girl, life skipped a moment. To be more precise, it skipped that moment where she said "Sakura-chan!" in complete recognition and ran into her friend's arms, the moment where she saw her face and suddenly realized what she had done three years ago and burst into tears in a heartfelt apology. In her mind anything, any repressed reaction, would have been better than how she reacted right there.

"Um... Hi..."

On the other side of the courtroom, the sheer emotional high Sakura got from hearing Tomoyo's sweet voice again pushed the brown-haired girl past her four seconds of mixed surprise and hesitation at the bottom of the staircase.

"Tomoyo-chan!"

Sakura half-fell, half-jumped into her friend's arms in a long-delayed embrace. She was almost in tears. The receiving girl could do nothing else but hug her back, throwing the third girl beside her an encouraging smile while accepting idly that her memories would come back in time. Victory in one way, apparently. Meanwhile Sakura, unable to contain whatever it is that she never seems to be able to contain anyway, was shaking with three years' worth of bottled-up emotion.

Now Meiling, who visited three times a year and had quite a while to imagine how it would feel if the brown-haired beauty ever got Tomoyo back, thought idly that during Sakura's inevitable rant she could name the stages her friend was going through, starting with...

**Denial...**

"H-how is this possible... I was SO worried about you! I- We didn't know where to look, I- I can't believe it! You ACTUALLY came back!"

**Happiness...**

"You're really here! HOE!" Sakura said as she pinched Tomoyo's cheeks, blissful tears finally making their way down the green-eyed girl's face. "'Coz now you're here an' everything's all right, an'..."

**Betrayal...**

sigh

""...I tried to contact you... over and over and over again... But nothing! All these years and NOTHING! Not even any hint on when you were going to come back... You had me worried sick! Sick! No letters, calls, not even a postcard!"

**Forgiveness...**

"Aww, but it's okay! You're here and Meiling's here and, well, Shaoran's out today... But the whole gang is back together again!"

**And... hunger?**

"Now," she said out of the blue, "Let's all go out for some soba noodles!"

Tomoyo blushed, still and speechless. She didn't seem to have any say in the matter, as Sakura had already slipped on her tennis shoes and was halfway out the front door, beckoning her friends to follow suit.

Friday, 7:29 PM

Two of three girls squirmed uneasily in their booth seat. Meiling had found herself in yet another window seat, a ploy that should have allowed Tomoyo and Sakura a little bit of a private space to converse with one another as she gazed off into the dark expanse outside her glass pane.

Meiling and Tomoyo exchanged strange glances as Sakura began ordering everyone's dish for them with complete confidence that she knew exactly what they were going to order. Both of the girls were waiting for an ample chance to explain events to their friend, sitting together quietly with the same blank expression on their faces. One would think they were sisters if they didn't look so unalike.

"...And I'll have four double espressos, please."

The pimple-faced waiter gave her a look like she was beyond therapy.

"You see," Sakura whispered (even though it was quite obvious to the waiter that her friends could hear her), trying to make her two index fingers meet each other in the middle, "I have this term paper that's due Monday morning... And it looks like I'm gonna be spending the weekend with my friends here, so I've got over thirty pages to do tonight, so yeah..."

With a shrug, the waiter pulled a half-smile and jotted down her order. Finally, Sakura turned over their menus to the waiter and put her hands down on the table.

"So," she said, turning to her long-lost friend, "what has my dear Tomoyo-chan been up to in all this time, hmm?"

Tomoyo started to open her mouth, but a muffled scream stopped her in mid-syllable. Sakura pulled open her purse, and a half-suffocated Kero-chan plopped up on the table before them.

"Air... Need... Air... Huh? Hey! Tomoyo! Video girl! Long time no see! Oh, and the brat's cousin, too..."

Tomoyo wondered why she wasn't more freaked out by seeing what she thought for a second was a lion-shaped stuffed toy yelling at her. So she just faked a smile.

Sakura looked at her friends' reactions, ecstatic to see Meiling fuming and Tomoyo smiling together at once again. Almost anything that reminded Sakura of the past was a good thing. Almost. If there was one thing she wanted, it was for things to never change. That's why, at twenty, she still lived with her father, got up late, rollerbladed to a college close to home, visited her now-senile great-grandfather's house twice every summer, and never lost contact with her childhood friends. Not that it was a bad thing- it was just a lifestyle that wouldn't quite last forever.

"Please... Not now, Kero-chan. Take a deep breath. You're going back in."

The orange-yellow one's eye twitched as he raised a tiny fist to Sakura's face.

"Wait... You went out for noodles and didn't tell me? You were going to leave me behind up there, weren't you? And after all that I've done..."

"Okay, okay, I'll order you some. Just sit somewhere out of sight."

"No need! I am a master of disguise! Give me your cell phone!"

The Cardmistress obeyed Kero's orders more out of curiosity than actual respect. The tiny one showed of his camouflaging prowess by wrapping himself conveniently around Sakura's tiny cellular phone like so many cute, furry cell-phone holders. Meiling was the first to think up a witty comment as a waiter walked by them, oblivious.

"Hmmph. I've seen better-looking cell phone holders in flea markets..."

But Kero was not to be outdone.

"Well, you should know, because that's where you get all your clothes!"

Meiling yelled at Kero in Cantonese. Kero muttered Japanese curses under his breath.

As Meiling and the Seal Beast exchanged heated words, Sakura turned her attention back to her best friend, smiling with that expression she knew Tomoyo adored so much.

"Um... So, anyway... Please go on, Tomoyo-chan."

Friday, 7:39 PM

Sakura sat restlessly, her fingers twitching and her hyperactive mind deep in thought, trying with all her might to absorb what she'd just heard, despite the exorbitant amount of caffeine she had just entered into her system with her first cup of espresso, and the natural high she found herself unable to disengage from. The girl's eyes grew a deeper hue of jade as she spilled the first words that came to her mind with admirable speed.

"So let me get this straight... Someone kidnapped you and tried to erase your memory?"

Tomoyo blushed, having suddenly had a seemingly unrelated vision of swinging through the jungle in leopard-skin, with a cluster of bananas in hand.

Friday, 7:42 PM

The second double espresso went down. Sakura choked on it.

"So your college boyfriend tried to sell your brain to an American hypnosis expert?"

Two hands simultaneously found foreheads to slap on.

Friday, 7:47 PM

The third double espresso vanished down the girl's throat in a flash. Sakura shook her head wildly until her lips blubbered back and forth audibly and her eyes ricocheted in their sockets.

"Um... So at the end the lady sent you a tape saying that you were once in love with the German doctor, but both of you got your memories erased because you couldn't stand one another?"

Without a word, Meiling and Tomoyo looked at each other, wondering if this girl's caffeinated brain was being dead serious or if she was seriously brain-dead.

Friday, 7:51 PM

"MEILING! Put her down!"

The Chinese girl heeded not her blue-eyed companion, nor the little lion-like creature who was finishing up his small bowl of noodles, complaining about the "unnecessary noise pollution". Meiling sighed and calmly took the fourth shot of "coffeezilla" away from Sakura with her other hand, slowly lowering the Card Captor back into her booth-seat. Patience was the maroon-eyed girl's virtue in another dimension.

"No more for you. I think three of those should get you through the night, Kinomoto-san," Meiling said with a nervous twitch. "Look... Me and Tomoyo... We came here because..."

"Because I lost my memory, Sakura-chan."

Sakura blushed, remembering that indescribable feeling she got whenever Tomoyo called her "Sakura-chan", and sighed a little before realizing, in between the strangling and the coffee and the waiter giving her strange looks, what Tomoyo was actually trying to tell her. Yes, she was regaining her consciousness. Well, Sakura-consciousness, anyway. The reality sank into her like a little boy trapped in medieval armor dropping down to the bottom of the ocean in a broken-off shark cage.

"Wait... So you don't remember... ANYTHING?" Sakura looked more than a little worried.

Tomoyo thought for a moment for something she actually could remember vividly, and shook her head.

The emerald-eyed girl sat up in her seat, mentally kicking herself for not noticing there was something wrong. She had assumed from the instant Tomoyo said "hi" that everything was all right. 'Nope', she thought, 'I'm still not thinking clearly.' After all, she'd had one too many dreams of her best friend coming back into her life and restoring the natural order in things...

And since she saw that familiar, powdery pale face again, looking at her the way she did so many years ago, she assumed, on the spot, that there were no more hard feelings, no more obstacles to face, that everything would fall into place just like they used to at the end of every epi-- uh, I mean day...

'Jumping to conclusions again, are we?', she asked herself, ridden with guilt and concern. Sakura ignored her pumping heart and the million strange thoughts buzzing around in her head, put her arms down on the table, leaned across it and looked deep into her best friend's eyes... So deep, Tomoyo thought, that Sakura could see the through them.

"Tomoyo-chan... Tell me everything."

**(Spinning-Card Commerical Goes Here)**

Friday, 8:02 PM

Shaoran Li walked out of the movie theater with a grim smile on his face. His friends ahead of him were, expectedly, nitpicking at just about every aspect of the film they could, and he hoped silently that he didn't pick up that habit. He was known for being a softie- walking in a room with a determined frown and leaving with a goofy smile. And it wasn't a trait he was proud of. 'At least', he thought, 'not until now'. He took a look back at the people filing out of the cinema, and for once he was just happy to be a part of the movie-going audience. Happy that he had seen such a beautiful film realized onscreen, and not troubled by whether or not people treasured his opinion. And just as the thought entered his mind, he heard a voice- a real voice- beckon for a piece of his thoughts.

"Hey, Shaoran, what do you think was the dumbest line?"

The Chinese boy raised his amber eyes and gave a slick grin.

"I didn't have one. I thought it was perfect."

And with that he walked proudly, treasuring a deep breath of the clean night air as he followed his gossiping, head-shaking friends to the pool hall.

Friday, 8:10 PM

"I- I really don't know what to say... I'msorry, I'msorry, I'm... I'm so sorry."

"Don't say that, Sakura-chan. I'm the one who left all of you behind."

"Oh, no, Tomoyo-chan," Sakura began, before turning back around. It appeared to Tomoyo that a part of Sakura was straining to keep her mouth shut, while the other part was trying to wrench it open with a crowbar.

The girls' footsteps seemed to echo about the secluded streets they were walking through. Both Meiling and Sakura wrapped their jackets close about them at the first sign of a breeze, Tomoyo noted, having never spent a fall in Minnesota before. The three sped up their walking pace, yearning for some form of indoor heat... And behind them hovered an exhausted Kero, barely able to keep himself afloat, even with rigorous flaps of his wings and that strange beeping sound that all cute, hovering anime sidekicks seem to create to attract attention. But as Kero guessed from their conversation, no matter what he did, he couldn't see himself being the center of attention that night. He sighed and resigned to his role of silence, keeping in mind that if anyone asked him why he was so quiet, it was because he was 'digesting'. Not that anyone WOULD ask him. But if they did...

"Well, Kinomoto-san?"

The tiny one's thoughts were interrupted as he found himself sucked back into eavesdropping. The 'little girl', as Kero affectionately called her, continued.

"Do you have any idea why Tomoyo-chan would want to do such a thing?"

Tomoyo bit her lip. It definitely wasn't how she would choose to ask Sakura, but she guessed that 'Kinomoto-san' was probably used to Meiling's bluntness by now, anyway. Besides, Meiling had a gift in that she could always ask the questions that nobody else would and get away with it.

Still, no matter how that question was asked, Tomoyo was confident the brown-haired girl's answer would be the same- Sakura just sucked in her lips, keeping her eyes down on the ground directly before her.

Meiling's head began to boil. There was definitely something Sakura knew that the other two didn't. Either that or she was afraid of opening her mouth lest her caffeine-charged brain kick into overdrive and blurt out more than she wanted to say.

"Let's talk about this over the phone," Sakura said as they neared her front gate.

Both Tomoyo and Meiling nodded their heads in agreement before their friend turned away from them and opened the gate to walk up the steps to her front door.

"Thank you for dinner, Sakura-chan."

Meiling was not to be outdone... Even in politeness.

"Yup! Arigatou gozaimasu, Ki-no-mo-to-san!"

Sakura turned around and faked a smile. And for an instant, her broken heart seemed to mend.

"H-hey... Do you guys have any plans tomorrow?"

Before allowing the other two girls a second to go over their schedule, Sakura continued.

"Tomorrow at nine in the morning... Meet me at the entrance to the carnival atop the hill. Tell Shaoran too, mmkay?"

Meiling gave Sakura a mock salute, and Tomoyo managed a polite wave. And as quick as the shutting of a door and the loud-mouthed complaints of the Guardian who she almost left behind, Sakura was gone, leaving the two friends to their thoughts.

Friday, 8:17 PM

Tomoyo didn't care how cold Meiling's hand was. In fact, she was glad to be able to share her bodily warmth with her chilly friend, as if it was a way of thanking her. Thanking her for being there. This the other girl knew and appreciated.

"Well, that could have gone a lot better," the Chinese girl said.

"I guess... but it could have gone a lot worse, too, Meiling-chan."

Meiling laughed.

"Out to prove you're still the optimistic one, now, are you?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

They each smiled.

"So tell me... What do you make of Kinomoto-san?"

At this Tomoyo stopped in her tracks suddenly, a worried expression on her face.

"What? What is it?"

"I... I still don't remember a thing," Tomoyo said sadly, shaking her head.

Friday, 11:30 PM

Before she even knew it, Tomoyo was on the next chapter of her book, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, reading about Captain Nemo's discovery of the South Pole. She read blankly through a paragraph twice before realizing that she didn't quite have the concentration she needed to read it through. And it was just as well. By Meiling's hand, the lights turned off just as Tomoyo put her pocketbook down, remembering to slip in her bookmark before she shoved it into her purse before rolling back up snugly into her sleeping bag.

"Still on Minnesota time, eh?"

"It's all right, I'll get over it."

"Are you SURE you don't want to stay up here?"

Out of courtesy, Tomoyo would have said 'no' in an instant, but she reflected quite quickly that Meiling's hardwood floor was more uncomfortable than she thought... So she asked the safest thing she could.

"Well... There isn't enough space up there, is there?"

The last thing Meiling Li wanted was for Tomoyo to spend the night in her raggedy old sleeping bag. And the maroon-eyed girl knew that even if she wasn't in a queen-sized bed, she would move over in a heartbeat to make space for the closest thing she had to a best friend.

"What are you talking about? Get up here!"

Saturday, 12:05 AM

Tomoyo shifted restlessly in bed, staring at the lone half-full bottle of sleeping pills (when referring it to her earlier Meiling had called the bottle half-empty) on the nightstand beside her friend. She was more than tempted to pop a few of the capsules into her system to get herself back to sleep.

After checking to see if her companion was feigning slumber, and consequently assuming that Meiling never faked anything, Tomoyo leaned over to the nightstand and gently grabbed the sacred bottle that would hold the key to a good night's sleep.

"Trust me, you don't wanna take those."

Surprised, Tomoyo almost dropped the bottle. In what little she could see through the moonlight, the blue-eyed girl noticed Meiling's sly but gentle smile. A moment passed. Without knowing her friend was still hovering over her, Meiling turned over on Tomoyo's side of the bed suddenly, and Tomoyo fell on top of her. Both girls struggled awkwardly through the entangled sheets to get off of one another, each happy that the other couldn't see her blush at the awkward contact.

"S-sorry, Meili--"

"No, it's all right. I'm jetlagged too."

Tomoyo smiled as she sat up in her bed, resigned to the fact that she wouldn't be getting to sleep anytime soon.

"Yeah... I just hope I'm not up all night... I'd hate to ruin our day at the carnival."

Meiling scratched her head, turning her pillow over to the other side.

"Don't worry. You won't. Kinomoto-san is always late anyways," Meiling said with a long yawn. "As for my pills. They're high-intensity... If you take one now... You'll be out for ten hours at the least."

"Ten hours?"

"Let's just say it's only available through prescription. Doctor's orders, ya know?"

"Oh... I didn't know--"

Meiling sat up in her bed and adjusted her pajama top.

"No. It's not insomnia. I just have some... Some kind of stupid hyperactivity disorder."

The Chinese girl appeared to Tomoyo in a new light. She was twirling her fingers, obviously in as much or deeper in thought as she was in the uneventful thirty minutes that had just passed. Meiling was, for once, vulnerable. Tomoyo recalled that earlier in the night she caught her checking her digital watch every five or so minutes, fiddling with the backlight just to make sure she was reading the symbols correctly.

Passively she wished she had said something, had asked Meiling who she was waiting for. But she didn't need to.

Yes, Tomoyo understood that night that one of the benefits of hanging out with people like Meiling is how they can answer questions that you haven't even asked yet.

"Where in the world is Shaoran?"

The girl failed to notice her friend's worried expression as she finally jumped off the mattress, turning her back on Tomoyo as she made her way to the balcony. Tomoyo was beginning to enjoy observing her friend as a case study, strange as it may sound. It made her feel more secure about her own issues, she guessed, hugging her knees to her chest. She nuzzled her chin in between her knees and watched from the corner of her eye as Meiling stared off into the stars above Tomoeda.

"You know, Tomoyo-chan..."

"Yeah?"

"They say jetlag goes away faster when you're back home."

Tomoyo pursed her lips. She was comfortable in Japan... But she still didn't feel like she was home.

"My home is back in Hong Kong... It's where he and I belong," Meiling said matter-of-factly, talking more to herself than to her friend. "Not that I don't like it when I'm here, it's just..."

Tomoyo's hands trembled as she looked at the bottle of pills.

"It's just, ever since he moved out here... I feel like I'm always jetlagged. Always living an hour behind."

Meiling looked out to the well-lit streets below, and for a chilling second it became lucidly apparent to Tomoyo why exactly the Chinese girl was so secretly depressed. It wasn't a rush of memory back into her head... But it was something deeper. She understood, she knew that this sorrow was something she had known before. Something that she maybe experienced herself.

"M-Meiling-chan..."

The girl spun around, a little misty-eyed, smiling at her caring friend. Not quite sure what to say next, Tomoyo sat down and anticipated a few uncomfortable seconds of silence. But those seconds were not meant to be, for the sound of screeching tires and broken glass permeated the stillness of the night air. Meiling spun around and looked back over her balcony.

Saturday, 12:15 AM

Rubbing the back of his neck, Shaoran Li stumbled into the doorway of his large house, fumbling for the keys in the pocket of his leather jacket. Smiling, he looked back at the damage he and his friends caused on their joyride. The brown-haired boy hiccupped while trying to put his key into the lock... Upside-down. Drunk as he was, the man was still surprised beyond belief when the door opened itself for him, and he found himself stumbling forward into familiar arms.

"SHAO-RAN!"

But the boy just laughed and gathered himself up, dusting his jacket as he bade Meiling a good evening.

"Out drinking again, were you? Last time I was here you promised that would stop..."

Shaoran smiled blankly, evading his concerned cousin as he made his way up the staircase, slowly, clumsily but surely.

"Hmph. Relax. Lemme sleep."

Seeking an apology, Meiling ran in front of Shaoran, blocking his passage up the stairs.

"Shaoran! You had me SO worried! I stayed up waiting for you, you know!"

For a second Shaoran's bloodshot amber eyes met Meiling's, and he looked at her as if to say, 'give me a break.' Then, in a sudden movement, he gently but firmly pulled her out of his way and pinned her against the railing.

"Well, thanks. Now you can sleep."

And with that Shaoran stumbled up the rest of the stairs and into his bedroom at the end of the hall. Meiling grit her teeth and tightened her fists.

"Fine! Well, maybe I will!"

Saturday, 1:03 AM

"I can't sleep, Tomoyo-chan..."

Tomoyo Daidouji mumbled in her sleep, as if to reply. Slyly Meiling considered waking her up so she could continue spilling out her frustration. But she had already put Tomoyo to sleep once with her ranting. She didn't quite have the heart to wake her up just to do it again. After some hesitation, Meiling innocently turned her body over to watch her friend sleep... With her hands folded on her chest, like an angel.

'Damn,' she thought, 'how does she do the things she does?' Tomoyo had always made everything look easy... Everything from singing to cooking to unrequited love. And she couldn't help begrudging her friend over it... No matter how much she loved her. With a dozen things to worry about, Meiling heard the words 'home' and 'jetlag' echoing in her mind repeatedly before she, too, fell asleep.

**(Another spinning-card commercial goes here)**

_I recognize this place... Finally, a memory that I might be able to link to reality. I search around for something to associate with what I already know... _

_I am... home. Well, in Minnesota-home, anyway. Back at my old apartment. The one beside the coffee shop. Back on the third floor. My mental self merges into this image created by my subconscious... And I can see what I saw, I can feel what I felt then... Completely._

_First things first. When exactly is this?_

_A calendar on the far wall marks my "sessions". Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday with the Doctor._

_I wait for my past self to move her eyes around. That mirror on the wall beside me shows me what I looked like... Three years ago. Bloodshot eyes and purple lips. My face is paler than it usually is, covered with pimples, blemishes and allergies around my eyebrows and nose. It sure looks like I've been staying up late nights. _

_I run my fingers across the delicate defects that cover my face, wondering why someone as typically image-conscious as myself would have left them unchecked... Perhaps it is because I was hoping someone would find me, would see through all of this, see through the imperfections and accept me who I am at my worst... Bring me back to the emotional high that I first felt, to a time when I loved... And I felt loved._

_It almost shocks me to see myself pick up a bottle of wine and pour the sweet liquid into a glass by my laptop. And I gulp down the glass painfully, possibly hoping that it, too, helps me forget. That it puts me back to sleep._

_I don't want to be awake in this world any longer. Especially when I can still remember the circumstances that drove me to do this... Circumstances that are shallow, trivial, stupid. And most of all, circumstances I could have prevented if only, for once, I listened to my head instead of my heart._

_Argh. That's what pains me the most. That this is all my fault._

_Most people that suffer... It's not their fault. It's the fault of their parents, their significant others, the government, the forces of nature. And it makes me feel like such a bitch. _

_A rich, selfish, snobby bitch. And I know how much I hate the thought of being selfish... Yet at the same time I ask myself whether or not I deserve, for once, to get what I want._

_And that makes me think about what I want... Or rather, what I forced myself to believe I wanted._

_My past self searches through online message forums, reading stories of others more needy than she. Stories of heartbreak, of sorrow, that she can't bring herself to imagine. It makes her realize how weak she is, how pathetic she is. How pathetic I am. I don't want to be awake in this world any longer._

_I never meant it when I said that before. No, I never quite understood what sorrow was until I realized what life was like without her. And I've never been so self-centered. Not in my whole life. It seems like a new thing for me to have my own desires, my own needs. A skill, a personality attribute, something that I might use when I start to live again. _

_Maybe this time I won't screw things up so bad._

_Still, I can't imagine to be able to express my emotions as well as these people here... Maybe because I was never an artist. Because I never really had a personality of my own. And I wonder why._

_So far all I have is a blank screen. Every once in a while a few words would pop up, only to be quickly deleted again._

_Everything except for the name my past self had already typed at the top left corner of the page._

_A name she didn't know what to associate with anymore._

_Now all she needed was something to say._

_But try as she might, my past self... Me... I couldn't find the words... Not this time._

_And then..._

_Divine intervention. Or coincidence. Whatever you wanna call it._

_A little alert at the bottom-right of my screen informs me that I have a message. A message from Sakura. I click it not knowing what to expect, panicking, turning my head away from the computer screen, standing up, sitting down, trying to force myself to cry. And finally, I take a deep breath and open my eyes._

_'A simple message', she says... Wishing me a 'happy birthday'. Little smiley faces everywhere. Damn things. It's obvious that she doesn't miss me that much. Oh, no... She couldn't possibly need friends like me anymore. I mean, if she respected me enough to be my best friend... She at owes me an honest message. The truth. Because as much as I want to believe that things will go back to normal if I ever go back there, I can't do it. She's disappointed me one too many times for that._

_I read and reread the message to make sure I understand every word of it. And I hate it. It makes me sick, thinking that there was a time when this girl was my life... _

_There is nothing I can do now but keep crying for my pitiful self. It doesn't matter how many tears flow from my already-painful eyes. There is nobody to see me. _

_Funny- I'm not too sure if that's a good thing._

_Anyway... Like I said, it doesn't really matter. _

_And it doesn't really matter what happens to this laptop. I take it, and pull open my balcony doors. The air is chilly, and my building is clouded in mist. Four-fifty in the morning. A quick calculation. It's almost seven o'clock in the evening at Tomoeda right now. She's eating dinner at this moment I bet, smiling at her boyfriend, confident that I'll come back to her._

_But I won't. That is a comforting thought._

_The laptop hits the ground with a satisfying smash._

Saturday, 7:58 AM

"TOMOYO-CHAN!"

"N-ani?"

"Get up! We've got to get ready!"

Still hanging onto the fading memory her dream, the other girl turned convincingly enough in bed to assure herself that she wasn't just going to go back to sleep.

"Shaoran left early to Kinomoto-san's house! She must have called him up or something, 'coz I was supposed to tell him about the whole carnival thing, ya know? That sneaky girl... I mean, if he's there early, that means she's gonna get ready early! Do you follow me here?"

But Tomoyo was still half-asleep. Brushing her hair out of her eyes, she leaned over and took a quick look at Meiling's bedside clock.

"What's the rush? You said yesterday it's just a 15-minute walk, right?"

"Well one thing's for sure," Meiling said, tossing clothes out of her cabinet frantically to look for just the right outfit to wear. "There's no way in HELL that Kinomoto-san is gonna get there before I do!"

The Chinese girl soon realized that Tomoyo didn't quite know what this meant.

"She's ALWAYS late. And due to my innate desire to feel like I'm superior to her, I always have to rub that incriminating fact deep, deep, DEEP into her thick skull. Now... Do me a favor and get yourself dressed, please?"

The other girl nodded and headed off to the bathroom, stopping only to look at Meiling's cheap laptop. She studied it for a second, looking for something to connect with, then walked quietly into the bathroom, not sure why she felt the sudden need to cry her heart out. Meiling checked to see if Tomoyo was in the bathroom, then quickly sat down at her computer desk, discreetly pulling a blank DVD out from a container in her desk drawer.

* * *

**(To Be Continued Sign goes here)**


	6. The Bright Side Of Life

This is probably the most fun chapter in the whole story... so enjoy it.

**

* * *

Chapter Six  
The Bright Side Of Life**

Saturday, 8:59 AM

"Ten... Nine... Eight... Seven..."

Tomoyo watched her friend count down the minutes, noticing how strange Meiling looked pacing back and forth before the stone steps, not sure whether to look at her mp3 player's clock or the road more often.

Finally, the girl formerly known as Madison observed as her anxious companion spotted two familiar figures, appearing from seemingly nowhere (as usual), making their way clumsily towards the entrance. Curiosity got the best of Tomoyo and she moved from where she stood to watch the frantic flight of a girl in rollerblades and, alongside her, a boy atop an old skateboard.

"Six... Five... Four..."

Already weighed down by his heavy backpack, Shaoran gave his girlfriend an uncomfortable piggy-back ride as he sprinted up the stairs, vying to beat the clock.

"Three... Two..."

Shaoran quickly but gently dropped Sakura onto the ground as he willed his aching body up to face Meiling. Sakura and Tomoyo exchanged greetings.

"Ha! All right," he said through large gasps as he struggled to resuscitate his lungs. "P-pay up..."

Meiling shrugged as she pulled her hair back. It didn't mean a thing that he won the bet. The girl sweatdropped and handed Shaoran a cash note she was definitely not happy parting with- it was the cousins' customary and increasingly profitable "You're-late-and-I'm-not" ritual... And this was one of those _rare_ times Meiling found herself on the losing end.

Or was she?

Meiling pulled the note back just as Shaoran tried to stuff it into his pocket.

Another one of those glorious spurts of genius, she reasoned, kind of like the one in that other chapter.

"Huh?"

"Shaoran..."

"Whaaat?"

"Your skateboard is still at the bottom of the stairs."

Grunting, the amber-eyed boy slid down the stairs' railing, kicked up his board and ran back up the stairs with it. As he had feared, Meiling told him the extra time he spent going down to get his skateboard disqualified him from the win.

"That's cruel, Meiling."

It was the face of an Olympian who had just lost a gold medal because his doctor gave him some illegal form of medication.

"You knew it was coming. Hmph. What took you guys, anyway?"

At this Shaoran shrugged casually.

"Hey... We're only late 'coz I forgot something back home."

Meiling raised an eyebrow. From behind, Tomoyo noticed the boy slinging off his tacky (in her opinion anyway) bright orange and pink backpack for his cousin to see.

Meiling's teasing smile changed to a more serious expression.

"Oh..." A little fazed, she handed Shaoran the note as if the strange bag had lessened its value. But he just took Meiling's hands and cupped them around the bill, smiling.

"On second thought, you keep it. I owe you for what happened yesterday, anyway."

Meiling turned away from her cousin, not wanting him to see her smile... And as much as she was loath to admit it, blush.

"Naw, it's okay. You didn't know I was in Japan yet... C-cause I forgot to give Wei advance notice... I wasn't supposed to be back here until tomorrow, so there was no way you would have known I was there. But ya know... Plans change..."

Shaoran nodded before turning his attention to Tomoyo, whom he owed an overdue greeting.

"Good morning. Long time no see, Daidouji-san."

The words didn't flow out as naturally as he expected. He couldn't bring himself to admit how nervous she made him.

Calmly, the pale-skinned girl turned to gaze at the familiar face, not knowing why she found it so difficult to take her eyes off of Sakura.

"And a very good morning to you, Li-kun," Tomoyo said with a smile. Meiling could tell from the tone of her voice that Tomoyo didn't remember the first thing about Shaoran, either...

The blue-eyed one was admittedly a little frustrated, still coming to grips with the fact that when she chose to get her memory erased, she must have put a special emphasis on eradicating any memory related to these three here...

Meiling's pictures told her that once upon a time, they – that is, the four of them - were all best friends.

Holding his gaze on her, the Chinese boy recalled what Sakura had told him about Tomoyo that morning, but whatever might have happened to the girl, he certainly could not tell. She was every bit as perfect as he remembered her, perhaps even more beautiful now than she was before. Not that he ever felt any attraction towards her... What he felt towards Tomoyo was... Well, you shall see what Shaoran felt towards Tomoyo.

Meanwhile, Meiling passed the time berating Sakura for taking too long to take off her rollerblades, finding herself unable to peel her eyes from the inviting theme park before her.

"It's like this EVERY time, what with the roller blades and all! Now, look, we've waited too long! Those lines are already getting long!"

"H-hoe?" Sakura piped nervously.

Shaoran sighed before interrupting his cousin. "Well, I don't see YOU lining up."

Saturday, 9:06 AM

Smiling brightly as always, Sakura walked over to Tomoyo after putting her roller blades, gear and Shaoran's skateboard into a duffel bag (how did she bring a duffel bag up there? Well, she stuffed it in her backpack, of course). Both girls turned and suppressed a laugh- Shaoran almost fell over under the combined weight of the duffel bag in his hands and his cousin's vice-grip on his orange backpack as she struggled trying to open up a zipper.

"He's a little hung over," Sakura said, though Tomoyo guessed she wasn't saying this in her boyfriend's defense. "Come to think of it, I kinda am too, from all that coffee... Ugh... My hair must be a mess."

"Not really... I think you look beautiful, Sakura-chan..."

If Sakura wasn't so naive, she might have noticed that Tomoyo almost wanted to say more. To do more. To capture this sort of beauty... Like it was some kind of freak instinct. But Ms. Daidouji was still wary; after all, there were past secrets to be uncovered here. And that thought stuck with her even as they walked out of the ladies' room and noticed that their companions were still stuck in a monstrous line.

Before they knew it, Sakura and Tomoyo were holding hands, taking a detour past a couple of half-costumed clowns who were standing near the gift shop, rehearsing their technique for the long day ahead.

"Hoe! There's going to be a puppet show," Sakura said, poring over a park map with event listings. "At eleven o' clock in the morning. We can't miss that."

"Um... Sakura-chan?"

The inquisitive look Sakura gave Tomoyo as she looked up from her map was enough to melt the latter girl's heart.

"I don't suppose you have a video camera with you, do you?"

Saturday, 9:10AM

Shaoran's eyes opened drowsily to the world before him. Needless to say, the sun was starting to creep out from behind the clouds, and beat down upon the boy as he half-stood, half-slept in the middle of... Wherever he was. Without thinking about it he turned his head this way and that, trying to keep her out of his sight... Trees... Glorious trees. Peaceful. Silent. Unmoving. Everything Meiling was not. With a vision implanted in his head of joining a group of "tree-hugging hippies", Shaoran Li began to drift out of whatever consciousness he had left.

"Shaoran? Time to wake up again, sweetie... Now... What did I tell you about falling asleep for no reason at all in the middle of a crowded theme park?"

Grumpily Shaoran willed his eyes open. Usually skateboarding across town to the hilltop carnival would get him pumped up for the rest of the day, but his long nights out had finally taken their toll on him.

"H-huh?"

He soon became aware whose voice it was. He opened his eyes, and as Sakura pinched his cheeks, Shaoran saw that he had nodded off right in front of the line leading to the bag deposit counter. At that counter was Meiling, struggling with the huge duffel bag and shooting the couple a disapproving grimace. Not that the boy had the opportunity to notice this- the sound of a shutter opening and closing brought him out of his thoughts.

"Eee-aauugh!"

Tomoyo smiled as she raised Meiling's one-time-use camera up to take another picture of the happy couple while they stared perplexingly at the source of the sound.

Saturday, 10:20 AM

Ignoring Meiling's calls for him to hurry up, Shaoran tried his best not to look dizzy as he got off the roller coaster and dawdled on a little behind the troupe. Sakura laughed heartily as she ran back in line to get on the Monster Thrasher again, but stopped in her tracks when something else caught her eye.

"Cotton candy!"

Tomoyo followed her friend discreetly to the small snack stand, and managed a candid snap of Sakura just as she spun around with her four-foot-tall fluff of cotton-on-a-stick.

"H-hoe? What are you doing?"

"Just capturing the moment... This place really is fascinating..."

Sakura detected a bit of unusual (yet in-character) emphasis on the word 'fascinating'.

"Honestly, I can't remember a time when I took so many pictures," Tomoyo blushed as they walked past a water fountain.

"Well, you may not... But I SURE CAN!"

It didn't come from Sakura. The brown-haired girl nearly dropped her cotton candy in horror at the deep, ominous voice that sprung from it.

"H-HOE! G-GHOST!"

At that point Shaoran ran up to Sakura, with his hand to his side, ready to unsheathe a sword that wasn't there. Beside him, Meiling looked genuinely worried.

"Wuzzamatter? You've battled giant teddy bears and flying pianos. You'd think a piece of talking junk food wouldn't be so big a deal. Sheesh."

It was a voice Sakura recognized, and before she could call out his name Kero-chan popped his head out of Sakura's would-be morning snack. She wondered how he managed to keep sneaking into her stuff like that.

"Yo! Losing your edge, Cardcaptor?"

"Everyone knows I'm not the Cardcaptor anymore, Kero-chan."

The Guardian Beast shrugged her comment off, turning to the rest of his audience. Still, Sakura had a feeling he was going to lecture her about not having to be ashamed of her powers and to use them instead for the good of mankind or something to that effect later on. Unless, of course, he forgot.

"Anyway... Like I was sayin', it looks like video girl's caught without her camcorder..."

"Camcorder?"

Sakura tried to grab Kero by the tail, but he hovered above the cotton candy, still blabbing on while letting a piece of the treat melt in his mouth.

"Sure! Before you went an' left us, ya used to loooovvveee videotaping Sakura! You'd make her outfits, an' then take all kinds of cool shots, then we'd sit down in your house an' watch em---"

He barely got the final words out in time- Sakura whacked him out of breath with the top of her cotton candy.

"H-he's been acting really strange lately, Tomoyo-chan... Actually, he's been acting strange since I captured the sealed card."

Tomoyo wasn't so sure Kero was the strange one. She didn't trust her past self much. The girl looked down at the camera in her hands silently, then quickly trained her eyes elsewhere, around her to watch two clowns juggle those long bowling-pin like things...

She thought she hid the fact that she was deep in thought quite well from her friends. Putting the device back into her jacket pocket, Tomoyo wondered how she did it- she'd already exhausted the film in Meiling's camera, and was halfway through this new one.

"Whatever... You guys go HAVE your fun. I know when I'm not invited," Kero said with a cross of his arms. "I know the best ways to have fun around here, and YOU FOUR aren't going to be a part of it!"

And with this he gave out a hearty little laugh, a laugh that Meiling hoped to someday imitate, even though hers was much scarier. After all, that little runt with wings always got more attention than she did. 'Must come with being a magical creature', she thought with a shrug, and left it at that as she watched with envious eyes as he flew off towards the candy stands.

Saturday, 2:30 PM (Yes, I skipped past lunch and the puppet show... So sue me)

"Just looking at it makes me dizzy."

Amused at this reply, Meiling smirked as she casually spread her arms around the bench. Shaoran noticed this painfully but silently. She leaned in a little closer to him and he noticed his already-churning stomach was spinning around.

"It's good to have her back," She smiled despite the twitch in her eye.

Strange visions of blenders passed through the Chinese boy's subconscious. He looked like a crouching bunny (not so much the wolf he's named after), ready to bolt at any further sign of emotional advancement from Meiling. He nodded his head mechanically as he thought of a new topic to discuss with the girl who was so intently staring at him.

"Yeah... Actually, I feel like it's kind of my fault, all of this."

"Y-your fault?" Shaoran couldn't avoid her piercing eyes. It was as if she could see through to what he meant, and was just awaiting some form of verbal confirmation.

But the boy just smoothed his hair, saying "never mind."

Meiling acted quickly, taking both of Shaoran's hands in one of hers and inching towards his face. He closed his eyes in horror, but the girl simply flicked his nose with her finger.

"Don't you dare worry yourself over her, Shaoran. That's my job," she said. From the tone of her voice you wouldn't think she wasn't being funny. "After all, I'm pretty sure that things will work out for the best."

Opening his eyes cautiously, the brown-eyed boy wondered what was more relieving- that Meiling had decided to be optimistic for a change or that she hadn't tried to make a move on him.

"Well... Never thought I'd see you looking on the bright side of life."

Meiling thought she saw the makings of a smile in his face. That was enough to make her day. She didn't even try to hide her blushing cheeks.

"You have Tomoyo-chan to thank for that," she said with a giggle.

Shaoran turned to look at his cousin thoughtfully. Now she was sure she saw him smile. It didn't matter if his grin was related to his horrible hangover. The truth was Shaoran Li never smiled. And she had to find out just what it was that set it off. First she looked around them for some kind of stupid clown or balloon animal vendor. Then she just about gave up and turned to look him in the eye.

"WHAT? What's so funny?"

"You called her Tomoyo-chan..." He paused- either for effect or because he was too exhausted to say more than four words at once. "You never call girls by their first names... 'Except my sisters, of course."

Too many thoughts rushed through Meiling's mind for her to come up with a wittier answer than a simple "was that supposed to be funny?"

In reply, Shaoran simply kept his smile (with some difficulty) and shrugged slyly. It was the ultimate inside joke, one that went a long eight years back.

Meiling smiled at what all of this might have meant, curling her arms around her waist, symbolizing the warmth that she received from this heartfelt interaction with her cousin. Her beloved cousin. And her beloved, too. She tried not to think of it that way as she felt her heart threaten to escape her chest. Five unwelcome words cut through her thoughts.

"Shaoran! Honey! Come over here!"

Both Lis looked up instinctively. It was a command, no matter how sweet the voice was in its calling.

**(Spinning-card Commerical Thingy Goes Here)**

Saturday, 2:38 PM

"Yeah, so as I was saying... After that I guess I was kind of forced to take up his offer to be his roommate," Chiharu said sarcastically, her light-brown flocks flowing lively with every turn of her head.

Tomoyo looked over the girl's shoulder to see Meiling and Shaoran in the distance, sprinting in their direction.

"Such a coincidence, seein' you here..." Sakura's smile could melt the thickest kind of butter, Tomoyo thought, not sure if she should try to steal another photograph.

Chiharu scratched her head while she spoke. "I was about to say the same thing..."

"It's not really that much of a coincidence," Takashi Yamazaki said, raising his finger to make a point. "You know... What they say about childhood friends and their psychic connection to carnivals..."

Rolling her eyes, Chiharu was grateful she heard the voice of one of her _other_ childhood friends.

"Miharu-san! Yamazaki-kun!"

Yamazaki was stopped (as always) in mid-sentence by an asphyxiating bear hug. The boy's companion eased her iron-grip on the handle of her purse, half-relieved and half-disappointed that she wasn't given the chance to whack her roommate silly in public.

"So what are you doing here?", Shaoran asked Takashi with a punch in the arm. A rather painfully uncalculated punch, especially from someone who studied Kung-Fu as a kid.

Chiharu peeled Meiling off of her property, and took it to herself to answer Shaoran for Takashi as well.

"Oh, you know... Mid-term break... 'Sides, there's no way we're gonna miss Naoko-chan's latest play."

"N-Naoko-chan!"

Scanning the faces of her companions, Tomoyo realized she wasn't the only one who was startled by her sudden outburst. What she was sure of was that she hadn't gotten used to these headaches. Not quite yet.

"Tomoyo-chan! Are you all right?", Sakura and Meiling asked in unison.

"Y-yeah..."

Sakura tried to calm Chiharu and Takashi's confused stares. "Uh, you see..."

Well, she tried. Of course, a certain maroon-eyed girl who just _had _to know more than Sakura on the issue interjected.

"She went to some guy to erase her memory... So she doesn't remember the first thing about us," Meiling said matter-of-factly.

Tomoyo hid from the wide-eyed stares her friends tried unsuccessfully to hide.

"Well, she's getting it all back now, though," Meiling added casually.

"Is... Is that why you left in the middle of junior year?" Chiharu asked.

Tomoyo nodded even if she hadn't thought through the accuracy of her reply. Her mind was preoccupied with the aching feeling in her head. Suddenly the ashen-haired girl's heart sank. It wasn't because she realized she'd had this headache since she and Sakura bumped into this happy couple a few minutes back, and it wasn't the sudden realization that she should be studying for her finals. Rather, it was the fact that whilst little snatches of memory regarding Naoko, Chiharu and Takashi were slowly finding their way back into Tomoyo's consciousness, she still couldn't remember the first thing about her Sakura-chan.

"Ah. So Yanagisawa-san is writing plays now?"

The girl with deep blue eyes made a mental note to thank Shaoran for taking the spotlight off of her. And maybe bake him a cake while she was at it.

But Sakura just crossed her arms, saying, "I TOLD YOU, honey... She's majoring in theatre... And I bought seats to her latest show, remember?"

She sounded as if she was afraid of losing her boyfriend to memory loss the same way she just about lost her best friend. Shaoran, on the other hand, looked up into the big blue as if he saw a gigantic green melon about to fall on his head.

Yes, he was still VERY hung-over from the night before.

"And it wouldn't hurt to smile a little more often, dearest," she said with a pinch of his cheeks.

Shaoran hoped that melon would fall and kill him where he stood.

"Yes... Yes..."

In an act that went unnoticed by everyone but Tomoyo, Yamazaki wiped a sliver of sweat from his brow, as if to show his relief at not having a girlfriend who manipulated his facial muscles in public. He contemplated adding Shaoran to the (short) list of beneficiaries in his nighttime prayers. If Shaoran knew, he would be grateful.

"Hey, hey! If you're going to Yanagisawa-san's play, then I am, too!", Meiling announced with an unusual fervor. Well, unusual for anyone but her, anyway.

"Show's on Friday. You leave for Hong Kong Monday," Shaoran said drolly.

"You're leaving?" Sakura might have voiced out her shock, but Chiharu and Tomoyo had the same expression on their faces. They looked like they just saw a dying puppy cry for help.

Meiling might have been looking at the same puppy. She was more than disappointed at this reminder.

"Yeah. My aunt's orders."

"How about you, Tomoyo-chan?" Takashi asked curiously. "How long will you be in Japan?"

Tomoyo realized she hadn't the slightest clue. She was in no hurry to get back to her "life" in Minnesota- her never-ending schoolwork, her (lack of) a social life and everything else in between. The girl tried to avoid reminding herself that she wasn't sure what her life was any more, or what it was destined to be. She knew that there was only one way to get that answer... And she wasn't leaving until she found it.

"Oh, as long as I have to be."

Her last words were almost drowned out by the deafening sound of adolescent teenage girls crying out for their lives at a nearby ride. Every one of the companions spun on their heels and gazed up at what looked like the craziest ride in the entire park. Takashi thought he saw Meiling and Chiharu's eyes spark with longing. Either way, there was an unspoken understanding between all six them as to what they were all going to be doing next.

Saturday, 3:13 PM

Sakura Kinomoto squirmed in her seat. She was sure not all her sweat could be from the heat of the pounding sun. On either side her companions seemed to be fine; Tomoyo was singing a soft ballad to herself, and Takashi was waving to the kids in the crowd who were next in line to ride the Eighty-Storey Donut Drop. With nowhere else to look, the Cardcaptor turned her eyes upwards, to see if she could catch a glimpse of the top of the ride's central pole. But it only seemed to stretch on into the heavens. Heaven. She didn't wanna end up there yet.

"Hey..."

On either side of him, Chiharu and Sakura leaned closer to Takashi to hear whatever words of comfort or tales of strange inventions he had to offer them. But he had nothing to say to stop their knees from knocking- he wasn't willing to let their first time on an extreme drop ride slip away without some implied fun.

"You know what they say about the new extreme rides in Japan, right?"

Five heads strained in their safety straps to catch Takashi's words over the whirring engines of the donut-shaped ring.

"I'm sure it's common knowledge that most of the world's extreme rides are in the USA... They have hundreds of them in most states, because it's required by law for each major city to have at least 3 theme parks."

His friends nodded. That sounded pretty reasonable, after all.

Elsewhere, the ride operator shot the group a thumbs-up as he finished his routine safety-device check-up on the passengers and proceeded into his little booth. Meiling tried to take her eyes off of the buttons he was pressing, as if afraid to watch the work of the man who would seal their fate.

"Well, that wasn't always the case. There was a time when they were in very high demand."

The sound of a revving motor nearly drowned out his words- the tubular machine was warming up one last time before beginning to launch up its predestined course. The ride operator grinned at them, the sunlight seemingly bouncing off his pearly whites. Tomoyo saw an opportunity to snatch a quick snapshot of him.

"In fact, they made so many extreme rides, a lot of them turned out to be defective..."

"DEFECTIVE?" Three voices exclaimed as the donut began its speedy journey to the 'heavens'.

Yes, three voices. Tomoyo was caught up in her strange form of laughter and Chiharu was too busy holding her breath. She was doing fine until she realized she could see Takashi's (their?) car in the parking lot. They were a quarter of the way up.

"But of course they spent millions of dollars creating these rides..."

Meiling wondered if she would survive if she jumped down from this height. Then she wondered if she wouldn't make it, if she tried and failed, and if Shaoran would catch her like the hero he was. But turning to look at her cousin erased all those silly notions. He was in no condition to do any rescuing. Meiling wasn't sure whether Shaoran was going to vomit or faint first. Most likely the former before the latter, she thought as she curled her toes up tight. The last thing she wanted to think of was that they waited 30 minutes in line to plummet to their doom.

"And then they soon found out that Japanese theme park safety regulations weren't as strict as the American ones..."

Tomoyo giggled. The rushing winds chilled her more than she'd like to admit, but as always she kept fairly quiet about her emotions, noticing that they were about halfway to the summit.

"So they shipped all their defective rides over to Tokyo..."

"WAAA!" Meiling shook her saftey bar vigorously.

"And most of them, naturally, ended up right here in Tomoeda!"

"H-hoe! I don't wanna die!" Sakura looked like she was going to cry. A clicking sound from Tomoyo's camera only intensified her fears.

"LIES! ALL LIES!" Chiharu exploded, grabbing at the locks of her hair, frustrated that she couldn't reach through the safety bars and pull at a certain someone else's scalp for a change. Their donut was three-quarters of the way to the top.

Even Takashi broke out into a sweat. At the top he quelled his fears by leaning back with a smile, looking out towards the horizon as far as he could see. His story was so convincing he almost believed it himself.

"Well, we'll just see about that, darling," he said with a smile.

There was a moment of silence as the thing came to a sudden and complete stop. Twenty-two of the Donut's twenty-three passengers held their breath. The twenty-third did nothing but raise an eyebrow, though her heart was beating notably faster than anyone of the other passengers'.

"D-DARLING!"

She thought she saw him wink at her. A deafening sound cut through the gentle breeze. Wind seemed to flood through the ring. Shaoran managed an uneasy laugh. Meiling and Sakura screamed along with what seemed like the rest of the passengers. Tomoyo laughed. Chiharu clenched her teeth almost as hard as she held Takashi's hand. And despite all his nervousness, Takashi Yamazaki just looked up and smiled.

Saturday, 3:21 PM

Needless to say, the friends all filed out of the ride with Shaoran-esque stupid grins.

Sakura danced around, simply happy to be alive. Meiling would have been just as happy to be alive too if she hadn't noticed how perfect Sakura's hair was, even after having complaining about it earlier, even after she fell eighty stories strapped to a giant donut. She slinked away from Shaoran, letting him pass her as he wobbled off to join Sakura.

"Meiling-chan?"

"What now?" She wasn't angry. Just disappointed that she still wasn't used to the way things were.

"Please don't let Li-kun get you down... We're here to have fun, after all." Tomoyo knew it wasn't what Meiling wanted to hear.

But Meiling was just happy that Tomoyo didn't take offense when she snapped at her. She shook off her frown as quickly as it appeared and didn't shake Tomoyo off when she took her hand.

"Thanks, Tomoyo-chan. So... Any memories come back to you yet?"

Tomoyo spun around to catch a peek of Chiharu snuggling up to Takashi.

"Yup. I remember them... And a little bit of Naoko-chan... Still nothing about Sakura-chan, though," she was a little disappointed.

"Hey," Meiling said matter-of-factly. "Quit worrying about that... It's not even worth stressingg over... You'll see, it'll all come back to you!"

The Chinese girl kept her silly grin on. Tomoyo would have frowned if she wasn't so polite.

"How do you know that?"

"I just do," Meiling said with a shrug. It wasn't a gesture of encouragement. Meiling looked wide-eyed and playful, as if she was the ringleader in a circus and Tomoyo was the freak show, as if she and everyone else knew a joke that Tomoyo didn't.

Tomoyo felt like she was the punch-line of that joke. And she hated that. Not disliked. Hated. And there were very few things she hated.

"Never mind..." The ashen-haired girl drifted behind her friend, behind Chiharu and Takashi, shying away from the group, and shoved her one-time-use camera in her purse as Sakura lifted her head up from her theme park map, announcing their next destination with fervor.

Saturday, 4:08 PM

Tomoyo winced as Shaoran hit her bumper car head-on. Meiling rammed into Shaoran's vehicle repeatedly, forcing him to do all he could to avoid her. Naturally, Sakura drove around as carefully as she could, trying to avoid getting caught in between Takashi and Chiharu's cars. And it was just as she felt her car power down when the Cardcaptor realized her cellular phone was ringing. Cautiously, the girl answered it.

"Hello?"

"Sakura? Sakura, is that you? DON'T YOU EVER ANSWER YOUR PHONE? Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I just... I just got carried away there... I could never be angry with Nade-- ah, never mind... Is Tomoyo with you?"

Saturday, 4:14 PM

Distracted from whatever it was they were talking about a few moments before, everyone crowded around Sakura as Tomoyo handed her back her cellular phone.

"Um... She just said that she wants me to stay over at her place tonight."

Meiling looked a little let-down.

"I'm sorry, Meiling-chan- it's not like I have much of a choice. She already sent for my stuff to be picked up."

As the Chinese girl nodded, Tomoyo noticed that the troupe wasn't exactly complete.

"Where's Yamazaki-kun? And Chiharu-chan?"

Sakura and Meiling took either of Tomoyo's hands as they continued their walk. Shaoran walked in silence behind them, his hands in his pockets.

"They're lining up for that water ride for us," Meiling said. "We've got some time alone- the wait is supposed to be half an hour..."

"...But we can't just leave them there, Meiling-chan," Sakura announced worriedly.

The Chinese girl wondered if there truly was a time when she told a close friend she 'really liked Kinomoto-san'.

"Well... I... I suppose not..."

Out of nowhere (as usual) a familiar voice called out to the quartet.

"YO! You guys will NEVER BELIEVE what corn dogs are made of!"

As you probably expected, Kero-chan appeared before them, his face covered in crumbs and spaghetti sauce and candy sprinkles and his stomach so bloated even Sakura couldn't comprehend how his tiny wings were able to support his own weight, even if he carried herself and Tomoyo a few times in the past.

"Kero-chan... Where have you been off to?"

"Where do you think?" Meiling retorted, her arms crossed tightly. "Thief... One of these days someone's going to catch you, you know..."

"Don't be silly," Kero said, plopping down on Sakura's shoulder. "Now c'mon, let's go somewhere fun!"

Saturday, 5:21 PM

Still shivering from the water dripping down from her long, drenched hair, Tomoyo pulled her jacket close to her as she walked out of the bathroom. She took a look at the new shirt she'd just bought after their third time on the water ride. Probably not worth half the price she paid for it, she thought sadly.

Another one of her bad choices, but it was perhaps something inevitable.

You get wet on a crazy water ride, you buy a new shirt.

Just like the way something horrible happens to you, you erase your memory. That thought made her want to slap herself. She came near enough to the bunch to overhear Meiling's voice (which, actually, didn't have to be very near at all).

"No, no, no... I'm treating you all for dinner," she boasted, then turned her eyes to Tomoyo. "It's to thank Tomoyo-chan for paying for my plane ticket from Minnesota," she added with a wink.

Tomoyo smiled. She wasn't sure if it was fake or not, but somehow smiling felt like the right thing to do. She squeezed the rest of the water out of her dripping t-shirt, waiting for her five friends to start walking to wherever it was they were going.

Saturday, 5:49 PM

Tomoyo forced herself drudgingly through the house of mirrors. She hadn't been particularly comfortable looking at herself since she encountered Meiling on that eventful Tuesday. She was actually happy to be at the rear of the pack- apparently everyone else in the park was watching some kind of big musical show and she could at least walk at her own pace through the maze, away from the people she came to realize she felt so alienated from.

Alienated. No, she didn't really care what her friends ahead of her were saying. Tomoyo learned that day how uncomfortable she was being self-centered. In fact, the ashen-haired girl realized just how absorbed in her own thoughts she was when she walked right into Shaoran Li.

"Ahh... Sorry, Li-kun..."

"It-it's nothing."

Both friends stood silent for a moment.

"Hey..." He scratched his head.

"Hey."

Tomoyo looked at him curiously. He seemed to have been waiting for her. The man's expression was one of dead seriousness, and thanks to the seemingly infinite number of mirrors, she couldn't try to look anywhere else.

"Daidouji-san?"

"Y-yes?"

The ashen-haired girl noticed Shaoran pull out a switchblade from his pocket. He flicked it open and stared deep into her eyes... She gasped out loud.

* * *

**(To Be Continued Sign goes here)**


	7. Right Here Waiting

**Chapter Seven  
Right Here Waiting**

Saturday, 5:50 PM

"Uhh... Li-kun... Wh-what are you doing with that knife?"

Tomoyo was so confused she almost forgot she was scared. She then realized this and became so scared she couldn't remember being confused. Needless to say, she was more than sick of this convoluted memory loss thing.

The boy raised his weapon slowly, and Tomoyo didn't know where to turn- everywhere she was too afraid to look, she would have seen a sharp weapon of death in the hands of a madman, crouching like a wolf, ready to pounce on his more-than-innocent doe-eyed prey and devour her to pieces... Or whatever it was he would do.

"Ya mean this knife?" Shaoran asked innocently, twirling the blade around trickily. "Oh, nothing."

He then spread out the fingers on his left hand daintily before him and proceeded to file the dirt out of his fingernails with the shiny blade, whistling skillfully to the tempo of his batting eyelashes.

Tomoyo sighed in relief. (A/N: Yes, you may hit me on the head now... :P)

"Look..." he continued. "Um... We need to talk, Daidouji-san."

"Talk?"

"About you."

"Huh?"

In regards to the fact that every word she's uttered in this chapter so far has been a question, allow me to come to Tomoyo's defense. She wasn't playing dumb, but rather playing smart- the girl hoped she could finally get her hands on some solid information, but the last thing she wanted was to scare this decidedly eccentric boy away from helping her out.

As if he wasn't sure whether he was struggling to read Tomoyo's thoughts or suffering a bout of stomach gas, Shaoran wedged his eyebrows into the half-frown he was known for.

"I know why you left Japan."

And with the drama from that statement still intact, the hung-over Chinese boy slung his backpack over his shoulders with an awkward grace that a sumo wrestler might envy.

"And... And I'm eternally grateful... No, actually, scratch that. I mean, I am... Eternally grateful, that is... But even more than that... Uh..." He raised his worn-out eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

She knew for sure that this question was one she was seriously going to regret having asked, even if she didn't think it possible that her disappearance could be this sweet Shaoran's fault.

"For..." Shaoran hesitated. "For..."

'No way it was his fault', she told herself. He was just too shy.

"Fortakingawaytheonlythinginthewholewideworldyoueverreallycaredabout."

Her expression was a unique type of confusion. They both knew she understood what he said. Tomoyo was just suffering from the same thing Meiling was in the last chapter- Shaoran dubbed it the "I think I know what you're saying but I won't believe it 'till you spell it out for me" look. He wondered if it was a typical girl thing or if he was the only stud in the world that, at will, could make chicks look that confused.

'Tsk tsk... Shaoran and his delusions of grandeur', the author thought.

But on a more serious note, Tomoyo hoped against hope that he wasn't saying what she thought he was saying. It had to be one of those stupid ditties in the back of her mind. Like when she thought starfish were plants.

"I- I don't understand."

Without thinking, Shaoran reached over to scratch the back of his head with his non-deadly-weapon-carrying hand.

"Look, I didn't want to be the one to tell you this, but you... You were in love with Sakura."

A pause.

"Oh."

Despite how skillfully Tomoyo concealed her emotions with a subtle nod and soft-voiced reply, despite how she hadn't shaken or bolted off or smashed one of the mirrors in denial... Shaoran could tell that she was shaken to the core.

Her knees felt like they were going to give way. She couldn't help imagining the worst, trying to get whatever it was, whatever horrible memories that she might have had in her past life, over with. The look on Sakura's face if she knew (or did she?), the teasing she must have endured back in high school... The "L" word... She didn't want to think about anything in particular. 'Let it sink in,' she told herself. 'There are worse things.'

'Don't panic... Just let it... sink... in...'

Shaoran didn't know if he should step in for an embrace to let her sob on his shoulder or stand back to let her cry it out on her own. He usually knew what to do in these kinds of situations...

But Tomoyo did nothing of the sort. Shaoran suddenly realized that not all girls wear their hearts on their sleeves the way Sakura and Meiling do.

"Well that doesn't exactly explain why I left Japan," Tomoyo said with a straight face, looking at him but also, he thought, looking through him, as if she couldn't make herself see straight.

"No," Shaoran said quickly with a shake of his head. "No, it doesn't."

The blue-eyed girl looked up as Shaoran closed the distance between them. Before Tomoyo knew it, the boy had slung the straps of his queer-colored backpack around her. She half-expected him to say "but this will", but he was never one for cheesiness. Instead he let go of her new bag, took a step back and watched the girl both intently and respectfully, all in silence.

"Don't open it 'till your mother's asleep..." he whispered into her ear.

Tomoyo nodded without looking up as she rubbed her hands together, trying to create some form of warmth, no matter how ephemeral. Strange how only her hands felt cold.

After a second of silence she hoped he would break, the girl searched for something to say, but Shaoran was already motioning for them to get a move on- she thought she heard Sakura and Meiling bickering in the distance.

"Wait," Shaoran said, spinning around and almost head-butting Tomoyo. "There is one more thing."

"What?"

"Um..." The boy was interrupted by a couple of distant, agitated female screams. "I saw a movie yesterday, before I knew you an' Meiling were here... Anyway... It was a really sweet movie. It made it made me think of you."

The Japanese girl forced a smile. "Hehe... That's nice. What was—"

"It was about an army of parasitic bell pepper aliens that wanted to feast on our flesh."

"Oh."

"But of course, in the end, we devised a way to, uh, lure them into a giant brick oven and turn them into pizza toppings."

Tomoyo giggled.

"I thought you would have found it... Most satisfactory."

Shaoran winked. And he didn't care that he caught himself smiling for the second time that day.

Saturday, 5:55 PM

The first thing the girl noticed as she walked out of the building was the orange-red Tomoeda sunset. It was beautiful enough to make her attempt to fake another smile. She stared off absently at the slowly-moving clouds.

"To-mo-yo-chan..."

She blinked and turned around. Meiling was calling to her in her painfully annoying singsong manner. She had that look again. That "I-know-something-you-don't look" Tomoyo hated so much. Except this time the girl with the backpack saw no reason to really feel bothered by it. She was just glad she didn't have to talk to Sakura. 'No, not now. Maybe not ever,' she wondered harshly.

"Yes?"

The Chinese girl did a double take, checking up on the others before her, looking over to a random cute guy, peering back down at her sneakers and finally whipping her head back to Tomoyo, almost whacking her friend silly with her long, flowing, jet-black locks.

"Um... I'll tell ya later, kay?"

Tomoyo just nodded her head lazily and walked on. She saw Chiharu say something discreetly to Sakura before sneaking a peek over her shoulder, and wondered if they were talking about her. Better not to think of such things, she thought with a shrug. And even if they were, she didn't really want to know.

"But take this first, Tomoyo-chan."

She didn't realize Meiling was still walking beside her. Strange, she'd usually notice that kind of thing.

"Umm... All right," Tomoyo said, taking the DVD case from Meiling. She took one arm out from the strap of her backpack, ready to stick the gift inside.

"Don't bother trying. I couldn't get it open."

Just then, like a cheesy movie flashback, Tomoyo remembered seeing Shaoran struggling to keep his balance that morning as his cousin tried forcing open that bag's zipper.

"When you get to your mom's place later," Meiling said, moving her fingers together like a pair of scissors.

**(Spinning-Card Commercial Thing Goes Here)**

Saturday, 7:01 PM

Those seven words stuck with Tomoyo even through their delicious dinner and the chilly night-time stroll that followed. She hadn't said much during the meal- there were much more interesting things to talk about, she reasoned, but quickly berated herself for even thinking that way. The girl wasn't feeling as guilty as she normally would about being so self-centered. She just felt that she had to do something about it.

'Like try to get two words into my friends' conversation', Tomoyo thought, moving close enough to overhear what Sakura and Chiharu were saying during the short shadowy space between two streetlights (as to not be so obvious- she was an expert at sneaking up on unsuspecting people like Sakura, even if it was only the skill, and not the memory of the action, that remained).

"Why not? This is the most fun I've had in so long, Chiharu-chan! I mean, it's like an early high school reunion or something. I'm sure she would have loved it!" Sakura said with a giggle.

"Yeah, I bet she would have too, if she hadn't been really busy lately. We were going to invite Rika-chan, but when I saw how busy she's been getting ready to move to their new house, I knew she would have felt bad about not being able to make it," Chiharu said.

Tomoyo was glad the brown-haired girl stopped for effect- it gave her time to dig into her memory banks for something to associate that name with. Surprisingly, it didn't take long.

Rika Sasaki. She was in love with their grade school teacher, and convinced him to move to the high school division so they could be together... they had a secret relationship... only about 10 people knew about it.

"So, is she finally going to marry Terada-sensei?" Tomoyo asked after some time.

Everyone spun around at once.

"I thought you said she lost her memory?" Takashi voiced out what everyone else was thinking at the moment. Well, almost everyone.

"She DID!" Meiling retorted. "But if you actually LISTENED to what I was SAYING earlier, you would KNOW that she's SLOOOWLY getting it back!"

"H-hey... Take it easy, Meiling-chan!" Chiharu said. Not even Takashi knew how much of the tone in her voice was sarcasm and how much was her explosive temper.

Meiling shrugged and rolled her eyes, too proud to apologize. "Well, it's true, you know."

No one bothered to comment on her comment.

Meanwhile Tomoyo wished she had just kept her stupid mouth shut.

"I guess you didn't get the invitation to the wedding," Sakura said casually. "It's not for a couple months anyway. She... We were kind of hoping you would show up... And you will, right? I'll just ask her to make you a new—"

Meiling interjected. "We all tried sending you letters, ya know? We told your mom to give them to you- she wouldn't tell any of us your address... And you never checked your e-mail either."

Tomoyo looked around. Neither of the girls were making that up. Terrified at her own past emotions, she tried to keep her eyes off of Sakura as much as she could.

"Speaking of which... Did you ever get any of them?" Chiharu asked politely.

The blue-eyed one shook her head without looking up. "And I'm sorry you all couldn't track me down, either. I guess I had my name changed when I moved to Minnesota."

There was a moment of silence. From within Sakura's purse erupted a huge, unexpected, disconcerting, utterly weird belch. It was a burp that seemed to shake the very foundations of the earth upon which they stood. The purse's owner quickly elbowed her bag, twirled around in her step and attempted one of her trademark fake laughs.

"Hoe... Hehe... Sorry, that was me. Err... Dinner was GREAT! I don't think we thanked you enough for treating us to dinner, Meiling-chan", Sakura said as she beamed a glow-in-the-dark smile at her companions.

"Ah. Arigatou Meiling-chan!" Chiharu, Takashi and Tomoyo said in unison, even though Meiling had already made sure they thanked her four times in the past half hour.

As they resumed their walk back to the theme park, Sakura bit her lip and made a mental note to pound Kero-chan with some kind of large mallet-shaped device when they got back to her home. Meiling repeated what was almost a recorded message in everyone's heads by then- her way of saying "you're welcome", apparently.

"Like I said in the previous cha- um, I mean, earlier today, it was all for Tomoyo-chan. After all, like I said, she did take care of my hotel bill and plane ticket, you know."

"Err... It's just money. Nothing much," Tomoyo said painfully.

It was a good thing everyone seemed to be used to how Meiling acted. Tomoyo wouldn't have been able to stand the embarrassment if every time the Chinese girl mentioned her name they all turned their heads back to look at her. There was something beautiful about childhood friends- the lack of a need to impress them, to pretend to be someone around them.

Still, the girl wasn't in the mood to reminisce about 'good ol' times' she couldn't remember; she certainly wasn't too fond of being an outsider to her only real group of friends.

What Tomoyo didn't know she needed, what she was really looking forward to, was some time alone.

Once again, she found herself at the back of the pack, and kept silent as Chiharu and Takashi slowed their pace to hers.

"Hey, Tomoyo-chan..." Chiharu began.

"She's got a question," Takashi said, his hands around the back of his head.

"Well, it's your question, too."

Tomoyo just put on her smile. It was an automatic response by now.

"All right. Tomoyo-chan... If you don't mind me asking... Why did you leave Tomoeda?"

The girl's mouth twisted about like she was juggling around the world's sourest jawbreaker.

"Well, I sure wish I knew," she said as if they were gossiping about whether some boy from high school had a crush on one of them.

"I feel pretty bad about it, now, actually," she continued thoughtfully, knowing that was only a fraction of the truth.

"Well, you should," Chiharu said jokingly. "Things went downhill over here since you left, ya know?"

Trying to peer at the moon through the trees they were walking under, Tomoyo felt guiltier than she ever had in recent memory. But then again, nothing from her recent memory before last Tuesday had anything to do with her "real life", so what did that matter any?

"I'm just joking, silly," Chiharu said, taking Tomoyo by the arm. She must have been taking fibbing lessons from Takashi.

"I guess all that was inevitable, though. At least things seem to be getting better," she continued, watching with Tomoyo and Takashi as Shaoran struggled to carry the duffel bag and at the same time support his girlfriend, who had decided to burden him with giving her a piggyback ride. Meiling pretended to look away with envy.

"...now that you're here, I mean," Chiharu added.

"And don't think we don't notice these kinds of things," Takashi said. "Just because we're good-looking."

Chiharu almost pounded him until she realized he'd said "we're" and not "I'm".

Saturday, 7:16 PM

"Looks like this is it," Chiharu said regretfully as she bestowed her hugs upon everyone. Takashi merely leaned against his Porsche 911, flipping a coin in the air, trying to look cool in the glow of the parking lot's lampposts.

"So next Friday, right?" Sakura confirmed a little sadly.

Takashi nodded as both of them slipped into their seats. "Tell all your friends. I'm sure Naoko-chan won't disappoint."

Tomoyo looked up at the beautiful lights of the theme park before them, and wished she had a flash on her disposable camera for one last group picture under the faint moonlight. But sometimes, she thought, there is no better way to remember a moment than by opening one's eyes and capturing the image in one's mind. And that she did.

All too quickly the sleek black sports car sped past the four college kids and drifted towards the exit.

Meiling gave them both a mock salute as the vehicle made its way out of the parking lot. Somewhere behind them, Shaoran dropped the duffel bag in exhaustion and sat down on it. His girlfriend spun around and waved an incriminating finger in the air.

"Now, now, honey... You can't sit there. That's a handicapped parking space."

Saturday, 7:32 PM

Even though she didn't quite remember the address, Tomoyo could feel it- they were nearing Sakura's house. She knew Sakura would turn to her and tell her 'good night'... And she wouldn't know what to say.

This was madness, worrying about something like this. If only she had a baseball bat and a room full of ceramic pots, maybe she'd be at peace... Her stomach felt like a baked pretzel. The one Sakura chomped down after they rode the Ferris wheel. Sakura. Ugh. She was disgusted by her conflicting thoughts.

"Good night! I had SUCH a GREAT TIME!" Sakura said, winking at all her friends at once, if that was possible.

Normally, Tomoyo would have found the look on Meiling's face funny as Sakura fell into an embrace with her. It was that (very) uncomfortable emotion of having someone you didn't particularly like treat you like their best friend.

The blue-eyed girl wondered if that awkward, uncaring aloofness was what Sakura felt towards her. If annoying little Tomoyo Daidouji was that clingy best friend.

No, there was something in the green of Sakura's eyes that told her she was a true friend. The ashen-haired girl cleared her mind of emotion as she quietly accepted that true friend's embrace.

"I love you, Tomoyo-chan. Thank you, thank you so much for coming back..." Sakura was in tears. Tears that her friend failed to notice she was trying to hold back, for the shock she was in from hearing the words 'I love you'. Platonic words. Words she would say to anyone.

Tomoyo shook from head to toe. Shaoran and Meiling exchanged glances.

Meiling looked down at the enormous duffel bag Shaoran was busting his back carrying, turned her eyes to Sakura (who apparently didn't notice that Shaoran was in pain and waiting for her to stop with the mushy stuff and get out of his way so he could just haul the bag in already), then looked back to her cousin and shook her head slyly. Shaoran just shrugged.

"I... I thought I'd lost you forever," she continued. "Y-you'll always be my friend, won't you?"

Tomoyo nodded. "Of course," she said softly. She hoped that if she was blushing, Sakura didn't notice.

Finally giving up in his struggle with the duffel bag, Shaoran calmly pulled Sakura into her own house. Meiling had to pretend to stifle a loud, forced laugh when the brown-haired girl tripped while ascending her own tiny flight of stairs. A sharp look from her cousin did nothing to quiet the stubborn Chinese girl.

"Um... Promise me you'll stop by Monday afternoon," Sakura said hopefully, turning her jade-colored eyes to the girl with the tacky backpack.

"How's three o' clock?" Meiling blurted out. She knew Sakura meant to invite Tomoyo alone, and that the Cardcaptor was probably going to curse herself for not just calling her up to do so instead of asking in front of her self-proclaimed rival.

"Um... Sure. Why not?" Sakura looked at Tomoyo regretfully. The blue-eyed girl wasn't sure whether she was more relieved she didn't have to be alone with Sakura, or disappointed for the same reason.

"Good night!" they all called out. Shaoran hovered outside the door for a second, shooting a cross, 'I'm very disappointed in you'-ish glare at Meiling before he walked into Sakura's house to drop off her rollerblading equipment. As soon as she heard the door slam shut, Meiling propped herself against the wall and made solid eye contact with Tomoyo, rocking back and forth against her leaning space.

"Tomoyo-chan?"

"Yes?"

"You know, I consider you to be one of... No..." She stood forward and took her friend's hands in hers, holding them up in between both of their chests, each warming up the others' bare fingers as they shivered together against the night chill.

"You're my best friend in the whole wide world ..."

"Why are you---"

"Because..."

Meiling looked to the Kinomoto residence's closed gate blankly, as if someone was going to stumble out of it. The ashen-haired girl stole a quick look to make sure nobody was. After a pause Meiling spoke again.

"Whatever happens, I'll be there for you." Her tone had an almost pleading seriousness to it.

Tomoyo wasn't sure if what she was experiencing was technically a déjà vu. But it sure as hell felt different from any of her headaches. She looked up from their clasped hands slowly, and Meiling's cheeks raised in a knowing smile.

Tomoyo girl beamed into a loving smile of her own, and it was only when Shaoran opened the gate and broke their intimate little moment that Tomoyo realized that, for once, she wasn't faking it.

"Meiling. Sakura's father got a call from Wei half an hour ago. He says okaa-sa— I mean, my mom--- she's here. And she wants to talk to you."

The horror on Meiling Li's face was beyond verbal expression.

"WHAT? Now?"

Shaoran nodded. "She's been waiting for us at the shrine."

Both cousins turned to Tomoyo at the same time.

"You'd better get going. I'll be fine... I can remember the way around to my place pretty well." she said in her most gentle voice. Shaoran waved good-bye politely, and started back towards the direction from where they came. He wasn't exactly running, but every step he took was quicker than the last.

Meiling walked up to Tomoyo one last time.

"Hey... See you soon," she said.

"I'll call you."

"And I'll be waiting." And with that Meiling left her with a quick kiss on the cheek.

Tomoyo stood watching as her friends all disappeared slowly into the chilly night, and made her way slowly and thoughtfully towards her mom's mansion. It was a long day... And it looked as though it would be a long night as well.

**(Another Commercial Goes Here)**

"_Final session. Sixteen-hundred hours. Subject has apparently had little sleep."_

_Spinning. Round an' round an' round._

_Shaking. It rocks back and forth._

_Shaking and spinning, like the rapid twirling of her baton. Without all the bright lights and chanting, of course._

_Heehee. Oops. Did I just laugh out loud?_

_As if it matters, anyway. I start to bob my head to music that isn't playing. Victory is near. Goodbye, Sakura-chan..._

"_Symptoms of mild mania resulting from a bodily chemical imbalance of serotonin."_

_With the hand that isn't holding his voice recorder, he pulls down his horn-rimmed glasses to look at me with his own eyes. I can't say I particularly loathe the attention._

"_Well? Come on, let's get this over with," I say with a shrug, crossing my arms and rolling my eyes._

_He adjusts himself in his seat. "All right, first off, let's start where we left off, and---"_

"_No, no, no, I don't want to talk about regrets anymore. We're done with that."_

_His eyes stray to my folded arms, still crossed tight about my sweatshirt-covered chest._

"_Miss Daidouji..."_

"_Look, I don't want to be here, you don't want to be here. The rest of the stuff I'm supposed to get rid of is in the corner---"_

_We both peek out slowly at an overfilled large black garbage bag._

"_And I'm..." I burst out laughing like a demented siren. "I'm just sick of all this," I manage in between the outburst._

_He pushes his glasses back up and spills out whatever words of comfort he rehearses to every one of his patients._

"_You've made outstanding progress during these last few weeks... But understand that all of it has just been leading up to this one session. It's the last stretch, if you will, before we begin the actual procedure. Any... Misgivings you have about the process may interfere with the hypnosis when we tap into your subconscious."_

_I know I should listen to him. But I don't really feel like listening to anyone right now. Still, I don't want things to get out-of-hand._

"_Now... I need you to tell me about the scars again. Tell me why they were 'worth it'."_

_My fists tighten up nervously, as if he's trying to coax me into exposing a part of myself I thought that I'd never have to think about again. Well, at least after today I won't. And for that I'm so happy I could scream._

"_I don't know what scars you're talking about."_

_I'm in denial. That much is clear._

_He pulls out a few Polaroids from a file atop his notebook and drops them on my lap. It's like some sort of stupid routine. Pictures of me. My arms. Arms covered with numerous gashes and cuts. Pictures of them stitched up, healing. But why? It comes to me as a shock, as if I've never seen them before._

_Still, they're more than fully healed now. I wish I could say the same for my emotional wounds._

"_Just because you had them covered with laser surgery doesn't mean they don't exist, Miss Daidouji."_

"_Well, I'm sorry that I'm just a rich, selfish bitch." _

_There is definitely something wrong with me._

"_You're putting those words in my mouth, Miss Daidouji. Let's take a second there and analyze- why would you say those things if---"_

"_Get on with it." I don't want to be here any longer._

_He adjusts his glasses again, as if they're going to fall off. I want to rip them off._

_"I believe it was you who were speaking last."_

_A short pause._

_And then all of a sudden I'm laughing again. It's not a fake laugh either. But I wish it was- my own high-pitched cackle is scaring me. Goodness knows what I find funny._

"_It was the look on their faces," I answer giddily. "It was like for a fleeting moment... I was understood."_

_He puts down his recorder on the coffee table beside my couch-thing and picks up a notebook and pencil._

"_But I soon learned that it was just pity. A natural human response. They looked down on me, and I wasn't quite the perfect little girl anymore. I wasn't their friend, either. Least that's how I saw it... They knew what I was, an unwanted nuisance, a burden..."_

_I try to ignore the sound of his rapidly moving pencil._

"_A useless, selfish... brat." I turn on my side towards the window. I don't care if the office drapes are closed. I can use my imagination to see what I want. That is, if I have to._

_"I hid from her, and I knew it was stupid of me to think so, but I always thought she would come and rescue me. I always held out hope that maybe our friendship meant something, you know? But after the first few weeks I spent alone... She just stopped trying. I didn't know how to talk to her. But like I told myself... As long as she was happy... Then I just about lost all purpose, and... Oh, never mind. I wasn't wanted, and I knew it. That much was obvious. Not that my stupid emotions mattered to anyone."_

"_And how did that make you feel?"_

_Well... Now how did I know he was going to ask that? I grit my teeth._

"_Look, I'm sick of repeating myself," I half-plead to him._

_He doesn't take his eyes off of his precious notepad. If I was mean enough I would stick it in a blender, just like those old pictures of Sakura. _

"_Miss Daidouji, the point of this exercise is precisely to help you repeat yourself. These abstract feelings, these images in your mind, we need for you to be able to mentally project them clearly in order for the procedure to work properly."_

"_You mean there's a chance it won't work?"_

"_That isn't exactly the question, Miss Daidouji."_

_I'm getting impatient here. I really am a meanie... Or at least I was. He finally puts down his little doodle pad and looks me in the eye._

"_The procedure will work, there is no question about that... The question is whether or not there's a chance these memories can resurface in the distant future."_

_I take another look down at the gashes on my arms. I would have said they were tearing themselves open, throbbing with pain, if they weren't invisible._

"_You mean out of nowhere they'll just come flooding back to me?"_

"_No, heavens no," he says with what someone like him might call a 'jolly old chuckle'. "Not without a catalyst, something there to remind you... Like meeting someone from your past, for example."_

"_So basically..."_

"_I am having you rehash your memories of Sakura simply because we need them to be in the forefront of your memory banks..." _

'_No problem with that', I tell myself. As if I think of anything else but her._

"_Whatever thoughts you associate with Sakura are the ones most embedded into your head, the ones that will be the hardest to seal... Yet since she is the focal point of your life, we will have to take extra care to make sure there is no way you can remember her."_

"_Why? What would happen if I do?"_

"_Well..." He twiddles his fingers like a little boy. "If you regain your memories of Sakura, your entire set of contrived memories will crumble, and... Suffice it to say that it won't be pretty, Miss Daidouji..."_

_I manage a gulp. He continues as if nothing happened._

"_So tell me, Miss Daidouji," he mutters, looking at a list on his notepad. "Do you think you overreacted at all?"_

"_I think 'overreacted' would be an understatement, doctor," It's a painful thing for me to say, even though I've told him a dozen times before. "Half, or maybe more than half the reason I was so damn angry at myself is because of my actions... And now that I think of it, it was really selfish of me... And love shouldn't be selfish, should it? No, don't answer that. It really shouldn't be selfish at all."_

_A little silence. He takes off his glasses and clears his throat. I'll be damned. He's going to answer it._

"_Let me tell you something... You aren't being quite fair on yourself. See, I think Horoscopes are all a joke, but... From one Virgo to another, sometimes you need to be a little selfish in a relationship."_

_I know how horribly self-centered this all is. How rude it is for me to say what I'm about to say. How he is just trying to help. But somehow it feels good, as if it makes up for all the things I didn't say in the past._

"_I don't need you to tell me that. You think I came here to get my memory erased just so I could go back to being all miss-goody-two-shoes? My mom's not paying you to act like a father!"_

_The funny thing is... I ended up being miss-goody-too-shoes anyway. It's not surprising- after all, how can you learn from a lesson that you struck from your memory? Still, it's not like I ever needed a father, anyway. No father could have saved me from this fate._

_It makes me want to laugh. But at that moment something else happens. My past self jumps up from her seat, grabs one of Doctor Haueser's golf clubs from the golf bag behind his desk- the driver, if I'm right- and runs over to the big black garbage bag in the corner. Predictably, before she can land her first 'whack' on the mass of junk, I am sucked back into reality. _

Saturday, 11:42 PM

In a fit of horror Tomoyo Daidouji snapped herself awake and jumped up from the couch, almost falling off of it, slipping on the comforter that someone had taken to themselves to wrap around her to protect her body from the elements during her fitful sleep.

Whoever did so was forgetting she lived in Minnesota.

The pale-faced girl was dripping wet in her own sweat, sweat that had her shivering from the night breeze leaking in from an open window. Forcing herself to stand up, Tomoyo shielded her eyes even before she flipped the light switch, as if afraid someone else would first.

There was a note from her mother on the table, informing Tomoyo that her stuff had already been sorted back into her old closets. The deep-blue-eyed one realized without too much discontent that now that she was back in Japan, Sonomi would be determined to keep her there, with her mother and her old gaggle of friends. Not that she wanted to go back to where she didn't have any friends at all.

It was a strange feeling. But she still put off her worries about the future, walking around, half-trying to remember where the bathroom was, half-trying to recall what little of her dream she could still hold on to. She failed on both accounts.

However, she succeeded in finding one thing. While walking out the door of the upstairs lounge to find her bedroom, the girl stumbled over the bag Shaoran gave her, tried to brace her fall, landed on her arm and knocked her head against the door.

Okay, so it wasn't really a "success".

Tomoyo was lucky nobody saw how clumsy she was when she was alone. The girl took one look at the bag and abandoned all other thoughts. If there was a time for truth... it was now.

* * *

**(To Be Continued Sign goes here)**


	8. A Wishful Thinker

**Chapter Eight  
A Wishful Thinker (With The Worst Intentions)**

Saturday, 11:45 PM

There wasn't any reason why the house wouldn't be quiet. Sonomi was either asleep or back at work to close some kind of business deal (yes, even on a Saturday at midnight). Tomoyo never did see how anyone could benefit from being a workaholic. It was probably just a means of escape.

Escape. Like mother, like daughter, Tomoyo thought, shutting out both her emotional queasiness and the agonizing pain in her leg. She was an even better escape artist than her mother had ever been, thanks to the ways she taught herself to ignore pain, in all its forms.

Soon Tomoyo had made her way down to the end of the hall, and halted at a small cabinet. Her mother's half-open bedroom door was ten paces away.

The contents of the backpack slung over her shoulder rattled as the ashen-haired girl stopped to search in the drawers for a pair of scissors. It was no easy task in the dark, but Tomoyo knew that even the slightest flicker of a hallway light could and probably would wake her neurotic mother from her slumber. If she was even asleep. Tomoyo wished for some form of illumination.

As if on cue, a sliver of moonlight escaped the gray clouds and shone through the window above the stairwell behind Tomoyo. She almost gasped at the haunting yet graceful sight it beamed down upon. Atop the cabinet hung a beautiful portrait of a young Nadeshiko, tousling her wavy hair about. Wavy hair, Tomoyo thought, that she had been fated to have.

Shaking off whatever that might symbolize, Tomoyo used the light to her advantage, smiling at the pair of scissors she finally came across before taking a deep breath and sneaking back down the opposite end of the hall, thanking Sakura's mother silently.

She stopped in her tracks. There was music, orchestral music coming from down the hall. From the dark outlet that was once her bedroom.

"Mom?"

Tomoyo edged her way into her room, and slowly sneaked into the open alcove at one end of it that housed her old Audio-Visual room. The girl squinted her eyes, her face highlighted by the glowing lights of the Sydney Opera House as they leapt at her from the room-length projection screen. Beethoven's 9th Symphony erupted from unseen speakers.

"Mom? Are you there?" It was almost a whisper, a joke against the blaring Ode To Joy.

Shrugging her shoulders, Tomoyo scrambled to find the remote.

Saturday, 11:52 AM

The hazy blue of the "Please insert DVD" screen provided ample light for Tomoyo as she struggled to cut through the canvas of her bag. She reasoned that she was fully awake now, as memories of her "life" in Minnesota fueled her rage against the tacky-looking bag. Furiously searching for a weakness in the canvas, Tomoyo wondered if the bag's technicians crafted it particularly with her in mind.

Her passion dissipated slowly but agonizingly as the minutes crawled by. At long last Tomoyo suffered herself to put down the bag. She cradled her chin in her hands, rested her elbows on her knees and stared in static silence at the light blue projector, half-spacing out, half-thinking of ways to sneak into the kitchen and swipe a steak knife to deal with this insult to fashion.

"As if it matters if I find out the truth, anyway," she sighed, twitching her big toes in a pair of furry slippers she didn't remember putting on. "I've done nothing but get in everyone's way from the start."

"You've really got to learn to stop writing yourself off like that, darling..."

On a jittery impulse, Tomoyo spun around, wielding the ugly-looking bag in one hand, and brandishing the pair of scissors in the other like a high-octane chainsaw.

Sonomi Daidouji casually lowered the lollipop from her lips, wedging it between the index and middle fingers of her left hand like a child pretending to be holding a cigarette.

Saturday, 2:02 AM

_They say that you're lucky if it happens to rain on your birthday. No, silly reader, it wasn't seventeen-year-old Trisha Yamaguchi's birthday, but it wouldn't have mattered to her if it was. In the actual, real, serious truth it was just the day before her best friend's birthday. Her BEST friend. Someone who was worth more than she could ever be. Yet that wasn't the reason young Trisha's stomach lurched a little as she found her feet reluctant to draw her any nearer to Sarah's house._

Prying her tiny hands from her laptop's keyboard, Meiling smiled and grabbed another donut from her half of the dozen, rewarding herself with a sinful chomp out of the frosting-covered pastry. One chomp. That was it.

'I'll save the rest of it for the end of the page...'

_The girl stopped to catch her breath through all the drizzling. She was still in a bit of shock, in fact, that she was even invited to the celebration the following day at all. Not with how her friend had been treating her lately. Little did Sarah know that because of her actions, Trisha still hadn't..._

'Oh, what the hell', the Chinese girl almost said out loud, stuffing the rest of the donut down her hatch. 'I can make up for it later. Or maybe snag one of Shaoran's to compensate.'

_Trisha still hadn't found it in her heart to forgive herself for all the mistakes she'd made. Flaws that were driving away her most important person. Despite being an open-minded, patient and perfectly accepting friend, she'd taken to setting impossibly high standards for herself and her own behavior._

_Standards that she broke trying to keep too tight a hold on what was dearest to her._

Another donut. Mmmmm. 'God help Shaoran if he won't give me one of his Bavarian cream-filled ones', Meiling thought, humming the chorus of "Up Where We Belong", swaying her head side to side slowly as she typed.

_It was a pain, an inevitable, wrenching, horrible, nasty, wicked, very... painful pain that she had to endure. A pain that, like the ocean waves pounding on the inside of jagged cliffs overlooking a bay, had worn away the once-hardened stone that sheltered the delicate, friendly land from the mean, domineering sea._

"Waaa! Ooh, the sheer angst of it all! This is my best one yet!"

Meiling took a peek into the living room through the doorway beside her desk, just in case, by some freak miracle of nature, Shaoran was actually taking some interest in her delight at creating fiction. Well, she knew it wasn't exactly fiction... 'But still...'

"Hey Shaoran, promise me you'll read this when I'm done, kay?"

Meiling thought she heard a grunt of approval. But all she got in return for her enthusiastic request was a hand raised lazily in protest, and the dull sound of a bottle rolling off of the couch and making its way across the floor.

"Tomorrow, you. Sleep beckons to me."

"HEY! Stay away from the light! You'll get no sleep 'till I'm done!"

Swiveling around in her chair, Meiling took a bite out of another donut (she didn't even bother to peek at what flavor it might be) before retreating to do some serious, time-pressured work. This was getting stressful.

_If she could, Trisha would have stopped snapping photographs of Sarah. If that innocent, milky face didn't appeal to her so. If she could finally understand what it was about her annoying, childish, naïve and happy-go-lucky best friend that she loved so much. But there were many things she didn't understand about Sarah. Like why a guy as thoughtful, sensitive and handsome as Stewie—_

At this Meiling paused thoughtfully, glancing once again at Shaoran as he lounged on the couch, one brown eye twitching to keep itself glued to the stupid game show that played out before him on the TV, and one hand pulling a blanket up to his chin while the other grasped a recently half-emptied beer bottle.

"No, he's most definitely not a 'Stewie'," she said to herself with a shake of her head, and began imagining various alternate names to "Shaoran". There was nothing with as beautiful a ring to it.

Maybe Shaoran's desire to doze off wasn't so bad after all- she could try to nick one of his donuts while he slept... She could certainly use the energy.

A sudden snore from her cousin almost made Meiling girl stop half-way through putting yet another pastry in her mouth. She rolled her eyes. Never mind the perfect name. Or the donuts. He had to be kept awake. Her future Pulitzer Prize depended on it. Yes, she was getting delusional.

"Um... Hey, Shaoran, could you give me a foot massage?"

Jolted up for a moment, Shaoran had enough sense to put his last bottle down on the floor and mutter a simple "Lemmesleep" before collapsing back onto the couch.

She hoped he heard her sigh dramatically, though she doubted it would fill him with any sort of guilt- his hand, balled into a fist, looked ready to take hold of his sword on the coffee table before him. Not that he would dare point it against her, but Meiling knew for a fact that her adored one's clenched fists tightened like that only under immense stress. It was a reflex gained from years of training- years when he focused all his anger into a void, turning it into fuel to help him perfect his technique.

Now it seemed like he only had anger for himself, and for his incestuous cousin. That and years of insecurity had seen the void vanish along with most of his pride. Still, the Chinese girl continued to deny what she knew.

_Like why a guy as thoughtful, sensitive and handsome as Stephen would be attracted to Sarah, instead of Princess Megan, the fair maiden who loved him more than Sarah ever did or could (more on the beautiful Megan later). But while flossing her teeth with her long, dark hair, Trisha remembered why. For all the years that had passed between them Trisha wondered how she still couldn't accept that both Stephen and Sarah were gifted with psychic powers, powers she knew she could never have... Powers that pulled them together, even if they weren't meant for each other._

_The dark gray (change later for a more exciting word like 'ashen' or something?)-haired girl finally gathered the courage to look up, now that there was nobody around to hide her eyes from. At least nobody stupid enough to walk through drizzling rain. She couldn't recall being in this part of the neighborhood. Lost in her confusing thoughts, Trisha didn't notice she was walking in the wrong direction. Mentally cursing herself for being so stupid, the girl spun around, back to tread through the way she came from._

_It was times like these that she wondered why she walked alone everywhere- a girl with her head in the clouds is a girl just begging to get herself lost. _

_And besides, one can find only so much comfort in solitude._

Sunday, 12:01 AM (hurray for time travel!)

"Stand back, Tomoyo."

The look on Sonomi's daughter's face was one of firm resistance. No matter if it was a relief for Tomoyo to hear her mother addressing her by her real name again.

"No! I'm going to find out what's in this bag ..." She paused, trying to study her mother's eyes, two intent orbs hiding behind her red locks, unseen despite the blue light illuminating her entire form. It wasn't fair. She had said she didn't mind her probing into the past.

"Whether you want me to or not..." The words poured out of her mouth firmly.

The middle-aged woman said nothing, and only advanced toward her daughter more sternly. From a scabbard she hadn't noticed, Tomoyo heard the ringing sound of a katana being drawn.

"M-mom?" Tomoyo shielded herself from Sonomi's piercing glare. This was insane.

"I said stand back!"

The Japanese blade beamed silvery-blue streaks into each of the room's corners, singing its high-pitched tune over the static. Tomoyo took a step backwards in confusion, the bag still held close to her chest.

"Put it on the couch."

"What?"

"NOW!"

The woman's daughter did as she was told, her eyes squinting with disapproval. But before the ashen-haired girl had taken two steps back, Sonomi kicked down hard on the couch pillow, propelling the ugly-looking bag into the air.

A slash in the dark.

A flash of light.

The sound of a sword being sheathed abruptly.

A satisfied smile.

And finally, the bag, landing softly, one perfectly sliced half on top of the other, on the same cushion from which it was launched.

When she realized what had happened, Tomoyo's impish smile covered only one side of her face. Her sarcastic expression was something she picked up from a friend.

"You should learn to listen to your mother," Sonomi said matter-of-factly as she turned herself around.

"And you should quit being such a show-off," Tomoyo called out playfully.

Pausing during her dramatic walk out of the room, the older woman spoke without glancing at her daughter. "It's not too late to turn back, you know?"

"I know."

As soon as her mother was out of earshot, Tomoyo scrambled for the newly-opened backpack, making sure not to trip over anything this time.

Sunday, 12:07 AM

Quietly yet painfully, Sonomi Daidouji bit off the sticky head of her lollipop, and twisted the plastic white stick around in her mouth. She wondered if all of this was a good enough excuse to start smoking again.

**(Spinning-card Commercial Thingy Goes Here)**

Sunday, 2:25 AM

"Shaoran? Shaoran! SHAO-RAN!"

Before she could scream a fourth time, the Chinese boy had managed to snap himself awake, pull off his blanket, scramble out of his oh-so-comfortable couch, knock over three empty beer bottles, draw his sword and stumble only twice while making his way into the room where his cousin was. His cousin (of all people) didn't find it hard to admit- he looked like a real hero again.

"WHAT? What is it?"

Meiling just goggled at him blankly. Deep breaths escaped the man's clenched teeth as his eyes darted around the room, then back to the lady swiveling in her computer chair before him as his face softened. The only sound was the faint _whirring_ of Meiling's laptop.

"Well?"

She scratched her head and threw him an innocent look.

"Ummm... Never mind."

He gave her that look. Not that innocent one I just mentioned. _That_ look. The one that involved gritting one's teeth like a wolf on the hunt.

"What do you mean 'never mind?' You don't wake someone up like that for no reason!"

"Well, I didn't expect that you were really gonna—"

She stopped, thinking that he would have interrupted her by the time she got that far into whatever she was going to say. It was admittedly kind of awkward. His eye twitched. That was never a good sign.

"Never mind." He began, ending the conversation, writing it off, walking back to the couch, plopping down on it, not even taking the time to glare at her this time. Noting how his eyes were scouting for the remote control, she doubted he would try to get back to sleep- there was no use even trying with her around.

"Exuberant."

"Eh?" He raised an exasperated eyebrow.

"I was gonna to ask you how to spell 'exuberant'. You know, it means 'happy' or something."

Shaoran sat back up, sheathed his sword and plopped its scabbard down on the coffee table faster than the girl could see.

"You are impossible, Meiling."

"Sorry."

"E-X-U-B-E-R-ANT. Good night."

And with that he slouched again, eyes fixated on the cathode ray-emitting tube before him, black bags piling up under his eyes. Meiling stuck out her tongue defiantly and quickly went back to her work. She didn't want to admit she felt guilty.

But first, a bite from a donut. This one resembled the Donut Drop ride at the theme park. She imagined the corner where Sakura sat, and made a gaping hole out of it. The Chinese girl pushed the guilt into the back of her mind. She knew she had to stop blaming Sakura for everything... But what else could she do? She was miserable.

_A look of exuberant joy crossed Princess Megan's face as she realized Trisha still didn't see her approaching from the other end of the bridge. The regal beauty pulled up the hood of her raincoat before she turned to her servants and bade them to leave her alone with her old friend. Reluctantly they obeyed, shuffling out of their Lady's sight politely, taking her umbrella with them._

_Trisha tried to make herself smile. It wouldn't have been as easy if she had seen anyone else. Anyone other than Sarah. But not even Sarah could make her smile nowadays, she was quick to remind herself._

"_Trisha-chan!"_

_Maybe some company would be welcome this time. Trisha stifled a sneeze._

"_Hey... Megan-chan..."_

_Megan gave her friend a welcoming hug._

"_You're still the only one who can get away without calling me 'your majesty', you know that?"_

_Trisha giggled, and the princess could detect a few shivers amidst her forced (but still pretty believable) laughter. Ignoring Trisha's friendly refusals, Megan took off her raincoat and wrapped it around her shivering friend, and in the same instant peeked over her shoulder and snapped her fingers. One of her servants ran across the bridge, offering the girl her umbrella._

Holding a thought for the next paragraph in her mind, Meiling saved her file, ran up to the living room, grabbed a throw pillow from the floor, sat back down in her chair and gave her stuffed companion a heartfelt hug before continuing.

_Megan held the umbrella over both of them as they continued in the direction Trisha was originally walking. To Megan's palace._

"_So... What are you doing out here in this weather?"_

"_I didn't know it was going to rain." Trisha almost didn't finish the sentence- she didn't know why she felt so defensive. "I... I was just trying to get some exercise."_

_Megan eyed Trisha's heels. Not the kind of footwear to exercise in. The princess then turned her attention to her friend's handbag. Its zipper looked as if it were going to give way. Megan knew that Trisha only burdened her purse with one thing so large: her camera. What was a mystery to her is why the device was so far from its favorite subject._

"_Not in this weather, my dear," Megan said with a shake of her head. If Trisha was visibly annoyed, she showed no sign of it- she just shrugged and held back a sniffle. The rain was growing more intense with each passing moment._

"_Guess my timing hasn't been too good lately."_

_Trisha wasn't able to hide the sound of her chattering teeth. Megan held the umbrella directly over her friend's head as they walked past the princess' posse. She took a peek at the small bundle Trisha was hiding under the raincoat- a rumpled-up baby blue gift bag. Trisha had been bringing it to school every day of the past week, holding it close to her for no apparent reason at all. Yet another mystery surrounding the strange girl._

"_You can stay over at my place tonight," Megan offered. Trisha threw her an expected look of surprise._

"_No thank you... I don't want to be a burden." She drifted away from her friend's arm a little. "I shall be fine."_

"_What are you, crazy? You're shivering! Come on!"_

_Megan's eyebrows arched in concern. 'Why did Trisha care so little about herself?'_

"_Oh... th-thank you so much," the other girl said with a knowing smile. She knew no worthy adversary to Megan's stubbornness when it came to hospitality._

Meiling sighed. So far, so good. She took smaller nibbles out of the last donut left. If she could finish this segment without having to sneak one of Shaoran's donuts... Well, she would be pretty proud of herself.

_It was all a blur for Trisha as she found herself being accorded like a royal guest upon entering the palace. She was whisked through a hot shower, given some of Megan's clothes (which were a little tight for her around the waist, but she was in no position to complain) and shown to a beautifully dark living room where her friend was waiting for her, sitting cross-legged in front of the fireplace._

"_You really didn't have to do all this," Trisha said, grinning as she twiddled her thumbs on the fabric of her blue oriental outfit._

_Much to the other girl's surprise, Megan didn't return the smile. She gave her friend a hopeful glance, motioned with her eyes for her bodyguards to leave the room and finally let her depressed stare lie on the burning hearth between them._

"_I'm a very selfish person," Megan said. "So please don't thank me."_

"_Don't you say that." Trisha leaned closer to her friend, then paused to think about what she said. "This doesn't have to do with... Your cousin... Does it?"_

_The princess turned to Trisha, who didn't quite know what to make out of the reddish shine in her eyes._

"_No... Well, not really, that is... I..." She hugged her knees close to her body, rubbing her cheek against the silk of her flowing red nightgown._

_Trisha kept the silence, half-hypnotized by the flames, half-pondering what her friend might be feeling. The rain outside was getting worse. Not that she wanted to go home, anyway._

"_How do you do it, Trisha-chan?"_

_The question came out of nowhere. Trisha thought she knew what her friend meant, but didn't dare assume anything- she eyed the princess inquisitively. Finally Megan turned to look her in the eye as well._

"I know you love her..."

Meiling repeated what she typed out loud, saving her file again. She paused and mouthed all of her previous dialogue out quietly as she typed it, just to make sure she captured every word. The girl was amazed at just how clear all this was in her memory.

"_Five years ago I went crying to a friend because the one I loved told me he had feelings for someone else. And she understood. She held me close... And I realized how stupid I was to believe I was the only one who felt that way."_

_Megan bit the skin around her fingernails tightly._

"_I just don't understand how you can live like that... How you can watch the one you love in the arms of someone else... How you can be content with just... Just trying to relive those forgotten years with your silly pictures."_

_Trisha hid her eyes, shifting subtly so her back was against the fire. She closed them and focused on the contrasting sounds of the crackling embers and the pouring rain seemingly trapping them in a curtain of tears._

"_Sarah-chan just doesn't know how I feel, that's all."_

_The ashen-haired girl was a little disappointed when she saw the princess shake her head._

"_You're perfect, Trisha. You deserve so much more... I wish you could only see it."_

_Megan was pleading._

"_She ignores your calls, she's always 'too busy' to make time for the picnics you prepare just for the two of you... She gives your delicious cakes to that stupid pet lion cub of hers... Damn it, Trish, she won't even let you snap pictures of her anymore!"_

_Turning away from the other girl's eyes as Trisha turned around to find the seat opposite her, Megan wiped the tears leaking down her own cheeks quietly. "Please... Listen to me," she began, then trailed off when she realized how stern she had let her voice grow to be. _

"_I just don't understand why you do this to yourself. It has to end..."_

_Trisha sat back calmly, tearless, silent, readying her answer, though she was sure it would turn out sounding pretentious._

"_As long as my Sarah-chan is happy, then I'm happy too."_

Meiling leaned back in her seat and glanced at a nearby framed picture of her, Sakura, Tomoyo and Shaoran at the Nadeshiko Festival nearly four years before. She recited the words like a mantra.

"We both know that isn't true, Tomoyo-chan."

And with that she stood up from her chair, wondering if Tomoyo could ever forgive her if she posted that on the Internet. But it wasn't an important thought at the moment. Fine work deserves to be rewarded. With someone else's donuts, if needs be.

Sunday, 12:06 AM

Tomoyo shuddered as she pulled off the covering half of the backpack. There was a strange pause as she took in the contents, and emitted a strange, confused-sounding noise that sounded an awful lot like Sakura's "Hoe!". Obsession leads to mimicry.

She studied the items with interest.

A baby blue gift bag with penguin stickers on it, a digital video camera smashed up beyond recognition, a bunny-shaped eraser, a scrapbook and a pile of tape-labeled DVD cases.

The strange pile wasn't exactly what she expected. But then again, she didn't really know what to expect in the first place.

Her eyes glazed over the scrapbook, and she fumbled for the light switch as cut-up and torn photographs spilled out from the leaves of the stylish album.

She barely gave her eyes a second to adjust to the somber yellow glow before she found herself pawing in a nervous fury through the book. Most of its content was mangled- torn-up pictures, crossed-out words... yet enough of it was intact, enough of it to shock Tomoyo. She recognized them, the heartfelt scriptures of their days together, the poems she had so lovingly written... Tomoyo ignored the unnerving headache as long as she could... until she came to the last page.

There words hastily written in red ink stained the recycled paper of the scrapbook like dried blood. Unless it really was dried blood.

_DIE DIE DIE TOMOYO DIE I HATE YOU STUPID LESBIAN FREAK NOBODY CARES KILL YOURSELF IDIOT WORTHLESS INCESTUOUS PATHETIC TALENTLESS WEAKLING SHES YOUR SECOND COUSIN PSYCHO DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE_

Dried blood or not- without another thought, Tomoyo slammed the book shut and kicked it back under the couch, hoping against reason that over the course of the night she could somehow undo what she had read, erase it from her memory. Again. She cringed and shook her head. The same weakness still coursed through her.

"I'm tired of escaping."

Intently, the girl fingered the eraser in her hand, sniffing it, then secretly cursing herself for doing so. 'As if it would smell any different from any other eraser anyway'. Still, there was something about it... She slid it carefully onto the coffee table before her, reaching reluctantly for one of the DVD cases.

'Sakura-chan's first paintball tournament.'

Smiling optimistically as the DVD slid into the machine, no third-party observer would have guessed how much all this had Tomoyo shivering on the inside.

Sunday, 12:23 AM

"What do you mean he's out to dinner? It's past midnight... On a Satur— No, Sunday!"

Immediately after these words, the Cardcaptor thought she heard a large THUD, but forced herself to ignore it- it was all she could do to just to hear the man on the other side.

The lazy voice of Touya's roommate was even more muffled than usual, and Sakura sweatdropped at the sound of his slurping something that sounded a lot like ramen noodles.

"He wentsh oud wij dat otha guy to wadsh a moovee like fouw houwas ago... Yukino, wush it? Weally pretty-boy type... Glasses..."

"Yukito-san," Sakura said with a sigh. "Well, I guess I understand. Sorry... I didn't mean to bother you."

Yoshihiko seemed to be putting down his bowl and chopsticks by the sound of things. There was another annoying THUD. 'Probably just something on the roof that was upended by the pouring rain,' she reasoned.

"No worries. Want me to take a message for the big guy?"

"Iie. It's alright. I've already bugged him twice this week. Th-thanks for your time..."

Even after she hung up the phone and collapsed on her comforter, though, Sakura couldn't take her eyes off of it. The girl didn't really know who she was expecting, but she didn't have much time to think about it. She had the last 5 pages of her term paper to finish... Ugh. Both her and the author agreed. College sucks.

THUD.

Finally, rolling her eyes, Sakura willed herself up from her bed and took one sweeping look around her room from left to right- desk, computer on desk, stuffed toys on shelf, television, cabinet, door. Must be another cat stuck in the rain gutter, she reasoned, before she heard it again.

THUD.

Sakura spun her head towards the window immediately. How could she have forgotten?

With a creak the window swung open, and a thoroughly drenched, worn-out, diminutive winged shape tumbled through it, landing with a lesser THUD on Sakura's bed.

"Pain... Got sucked... under... street-cleaning machine..."

"Hoe! K-Kero... I-I'm sorry... I was on the phone, and—"

Sakura gathered a few of her school notes in her hand and used them as a makeshift fan for the Guardian Beast. But that did him little good- the water coating his thin hide had him shivering under the blasts of air. Realizing this, she dropped her notes on the wet floor and put a hand to his forehead.

"Yo..." He took one of her fingers in his arms. "Sakura. I... I didn't think it would end this way, but... Take care of the Cards for me. Especially Firey... She will not understand."

"What are you-- No! No, you can't do this!"

He just smiled. "We had some good times, didn't we?"

"KERO-CHAN!"

He gagged. She exclaimed "HOE!" and ran out of the room like it was on fire, but soon slowed to a tiptoe upon remembering her slumbering father. Regardless, she came back quickly enough, with a tray full of pill bottles, a first-aid kit and a little black medical book in her mouth, no less.

Before Kero could sit up to protest, Sakura was coming at him with a syringe outfitted with a needle longer than Kero's body and a shot-glass full of cough syrup.

"No! Sakura, stop! I'm fine, I'm fine," he said finally, launching himself up in the air so quickly he didn't care how much his head throbbed when he hit the ceiling. "I was just playin' around! NO! PLEASE!"

The Card Captor stifled a laugh. In the middle of his screams, he noticed that she was already packing away her medical supplies. "I know," she began. "You don't actually think I'm that stupid, do you?"

She glared at him even more when she didn't hear an answer, though she was a little relieved there was no sign that Kero's screams had woken up her father.

"Well, let's just say you're not half as stupid as you look," he said with a wink, glad to be able to take his eyes off of the syringe.

Unable to think up a witty comeback, Sakura rolled her eyes and slid the first aid kit and pills underneath her bed. Whether or not she would remember to look for it later and take it back downstairs when she woke up was of no concern to her.

"So, what did you find out?"

"Nothing. The place is pitch-black, I tell ya."

Sakura's eyebrows furrowed worriedly. With a sigh Kero closed one eye as if it would help him remember something. He continued thoughtfully, reaching to scratch one of his ears with his stubble of a hand.

"What about the bag?" Sakura began. "The one that Shaoran used to keep in his room? No sign of that?"

"Hey, I told you, I didn't see anythin'. I'm a fighter, not a secret agent," Kero said, flexing his tiny muscles. "What's in that bag, anyway?"

Sakura dropped her eyes. "I... I don't know." She pursed her lips. The Cardcaptor was deep in thought. Very deep. "I just hope she's all right."

"Sometimes I wonder, Kero-chan... If maybe I should have just--- Well, you know?"

"No, I don't." He licked the earwax from his finger.

Sighing, the Cardcaptor fingered the Key around her neck, and let her eyes linger on her cordless phone a second before picking it up.

She dialed the buttons from memory, even if it was a number she rarely called.

RING. There are some problems that even the strongest magic in the world can't solve.

RING. And if she had become a little cocky about her magical skills, at least she wasn't proud enough to ask for help.

RING.

"Hello, good afternoon..." The other voice was just as soft and deep as she remembered.

"Ahh... Hello, Eriol-kun!"

"Oh, Sakura... What a... er... pleasant surprise," Eriol said, his mind clearly preoccupied with something else.

"Eriol-kun, I need your advice..."

Sunday, 3:12 AM

Meiling leaned back against the couch, munching the last of Shaoran's donuts as some stupid American romantic comedy movie played on the television before her in silence (as to not wake her beloved). She lived to make up dialogue to these kinds of things.

"But honey... The world is in jeopardy... I can't feed you any more anchovies... Not now..."

"Oh, just one more, darling. I want to remember you in my dreams. Taste my breath."

Giggling to herself, Meiling wrinkled her nose and turned back to her sleeping cousin. He was dreaming now, so softly, so peacefully. Like he used to before all of this. Before Sakura. The empty beer bottles all over the floor echoed her thoughts. It didn't have to be like this.

"Let's go back to Hong Kong," she whispered in his ear, half-trying to assure herself. "Where we can be whole again. Tomoyo's here now, see? You don't have to take care of her anymore, Shaoran. She will."

He wasn't even snoring anymore. It was just like the old days, when he nap in the late afternoon from exhaustion after a day's martial arts training. She wished she could sleep like that. She would never get any sleep herself, watching him breathe so serenely in his slumber... Seeing his hair ruffle in wind seeping in from the garden outside, his face lit up by the setting sun, who could?

Especially since that day he came back with her pet bird... A silly little thing, that. 'That's how it all began, wasn't it?' Both she and Shaoran felt it. Love. Meiling never realized most children – most people - didn't feel love the way she did. Not until she moved to Japan.

Japan. Here, there were no more lessons. There were no birds for him to rescue. No wind to ruffle his hair, either. And no sun to shine down on him either. In its place light from the television bled off Shaoran's face like it was made of dirty marble. His skin was peeling, and strands of his hair fell from his head and onto Meiling's nightgown. Why couldn't he see what was happening to him? Her lips shook. It didn't have to be like this.

Sakura wasn't a bad person. She just wasn't meant for Shaoran. She couldn't be. It was all a mistake.

She ran her hands through his hair carefully, and leaned in for the kiss.

* * *

**(To Be Continued Sign goes here)**


	9. Anyone Other Than Me

**Chapter Nine  
Could I Have Been (Anyone Other Than Me)?**

Sunday, 2:23 AM

The video on the screen was innocent enough- a tightly edited sequence of Sakura, in full battle attire, facing off against various elemental-themed opponents with Yue (who had conveniently popped back into her memory from watching another video just thirty minutes ago) and Kero by her side. Both, as they were in a few other past videos, were assisting the Cardcaptor against monsters formed with the Create card.

Tomoyo massaged her chin with her fingers, wondering how in Clow Reed's name she was able to capture such amazing shots with her camera. 'Sakura-chan must have been really patient to pose for me like this for so many takes,' she thought with a nostalgic smile.

A smile for no one to see… but a smile nonetheless to convince herself this was the right thing to do.

A vein in her head (she would have been able to recall it had she been paying attention in Bio class) was threatening to burst if she was looking to watch every single one of her old videos that night. But she continued. There was a breaking point to this – there had to be.

Tomoyo might not have remembered what Doctor Haueser told her way back when, but she knew, she just knew, that filling herself with these headaches was the only way to get her memories of Sakura back.

On her knees and shaking, Tomoyo took out the disc after Sakura struck her final pose- it was the last clip in one of her older videos. The girl who was no longer Madison Taylor then went back to her pile and scooped up the three-disc DVD set she had saved for last- the set was the most recently labeled of the bunch- before crawling back over to the machine to start it up.

This would be it. The last head-splitting torture session she would have to endure. A shred of optimism told her that this one would contain the answers she needed, and all she had to do was sit back and enjoy the show, so to speak.

Before she knew it, the ashen-haired girl found herself gaping at a video of a sixteen year-old Sakura playing beach volleyball with her friends.

"Join us, Tomoyo-chan!"

Familiar voices echoed her enthusiasm. But a voice so soft it could have only been her own replied curtly, "maybe later..."

Sunday, 3:01 AM

"Later? No, let's keep talking now, Eriol-kun." Sakura wished there was a line on her cordless phone to twist around her fingers, or at least that she had hair long enough to chew on.

"I apologize, Sakura, but I'm already running quite late for my Yacht Club Party... I've a speech to give tonight, I'm afraid... besides, I don't know how else I can be of any help, really... it's been three hours and I... contrary to popular rumor, I've never really been that close to Tomoyo... and..."

His voice trailed off, at last, in defeat. Sakura was delighted that Eriol had finally resigned to the fact that she was going to keep him there all night long, and then some.

"So, could you tell me a little more about this 'emotional attachment' thing, please?"

Sunday, 3:34 AM

With all the energy she could muster, Tomoyo bent her will solely onto the projection screen, even long after her head began to come true on its word and throb like a reactor core, her deep blue eyes watered from overexposure to light in a darkened room and her fingers and toes twitched from lack of sleep.

Time stood still in that lonely room, and each frame played out in her memory not as part of someone else's crude videos, but as a fraction of her true past.

The last of these three discs was the most intense emotionally- every time she heard herself speak Sakura's name, Tomoyo felt a rush of blood to her head, and a chill that coursed through her entire body.

Whatever she could remember about her 'childhood' in Minnesota, she resigned to denying it was ever real. Those false memories were another part of it, another phase she didn't have the energy to think about.

It wasn't even a week ago that she learned how her whole life was a lie. That seemed like too much of a stretch to believe at the time, but forcing her eyes open and towards the projector screen, Tomoyo thought it strange how now easily and readily she had accepted all of this. And how much it all made sense to her, magical floating Guardian Beasts and all.

She remembered what her mother told her – she had reached the end of the line. There was no turning back now.

Putting those thoughts aside, the girl clutched a pillow towards her abdomen, hoping her increasingly grating stomach pains weren't related to her sickening headache.

Sunday, 3:21 AM (Yes, jumping back in time again)

"Wei? Anything?"

One would most likely not have noticed that with the speed the thoroughly exhausted, hung-over and disoriented Shaoran Li searched his cousin's room, he had enough time to glance at a familiar picture, framed in silver, sitting dutifully beside the girl's abandoned laptop.

The photograph was proof there was a time when everyone was happy. Or at least, everyone but Tomoyo, no matter what her smiles suggested.

The four of them were caught on film at a practice for the Nadeshiko Festival, all tired but eager to perform- Tomoyo played a female court-bard in that one, leading the chorus of three of the play's musical numbers. Sakura was the princess that was charged with saving Shaoran's life from the Evil Sorceress who wanted to marry him and become Queen of The Land.

"Wei?"

Still, despite the trouble she'd been causing him from the start, (not to mention what had just happened between them) Shaoran knew Meiling was never an evil sorceress. And it wasn't just because she could do as much magic as a tree sloth. Conflicted as she was, Meiling deserved more than she gave herself credit for.

"Nope, no sign of her down here, Shaoran!" came the belated, but sure reply.

Contrary to the deep concern he thought would be coursing through him at the moment, the Chinese boy just shrugged and blushed. There was probably no use worrying, anyway- Shaoran had a feeling he knew where his troubled cousin was. And that maybe she had good reason to be there.

Sunday, 3:42 AM

Tomoyo bit her lip as the last video came to a close with some candid shots of Sakura from behind bushes. To round off her collection she'd fashioned a primitive video montage of sorts, setting video clips of her friend to recorded music from hired professionals. The Japanese girl would have thought the whole thing cute had the videos' subject had been anyone else, or if her headaches finally decided to let up.

The video passed by her in a flash, and once again she found herself staring at a big, blank blue screen. She winced.

Was it... over?

Tomoyo stood up, half-expecting something, half-afraid of whatever she was expecting.

What happened? Why hadn't she remembered anything yet? Why hadn't it worked?

Confused, she fell back in her couch, and a small black case made itself visible in between the sofa's pillows. Meiling's DVD seemed to be smiling at her.

It was a silly shred of adolescent hope that Tomoyo felt upon seeing it, as if whatever was on that thing could do what almost four hours of homemade videos could not.

'Whatever. Best to get it over with. It is, after all, better for one to be disappointed in something early on, before one puts too much faith in it.'

In a frustrated but silent fit, Tomoyo made her way back to the machine and swapped her DVD for Meiling's. She reached for her purse (don't ask how it got there) as she clawed back to the couch.

"Umm... Daidouji-san..."

Tomoyo spun around. On the screen before her was a battered, more-insecure-looking-than-ever Meiling Li, shifting on her bed, smoothing her red Chinese dress out before her with twitching fingers.

"H-hey. Your mom wouldn't let us send any letters, so we've disguised this video as a burned CD you lent me but forgot to take back... but... I guess if you're watching this, then you already know that... uh..."

Without taking her eyes off of the screen, Tomoyo dug through her bag. There were two bottles of pills stuffed somewhere in there. She was only looking for one.

"Look, I don't know why you left, or if you still care about us, but I can't sit still knowing that you're out there somewhere, and you're hurting, and there's nothing we can do about it!"

Tomoyo reasoned that Meiling's face and voice were only as close to being calm as they were because she was looking into a camera... A broken camera by the looks of it; there was fuzzy white noise popping up in random places all around the screen.

"You never were one to understand how much you really mean to all your friends," Meiling continued. "So that's why I've went and interviewed 'em all with your busted-up camera... yeah, it took a hefty bit of my allowance to fix up the lens, but... hey, it's working now, isn't it? Enjoy."

And with that Tomoyo saw her friend wink and reach for the unseen little red "record" button at the back. It was then that the girl remembered a useless peculiarity of her camera- that when recording it would display a "Play" icon at the top right of the screen instead of a red "Record" icon.

"Tomoyo-chan!"

Just as she suspected (even if it was through hearing a voice she couldn't remember) Rika Sasaki was waving casually at her, with her mouth twisted into a bittersweet smile, standing in the middle of the Seijuu High School garden grounds.

"Hey... Where are you now? I hope you're doing well. Umm... I think I speak for all the others when I say that we miss you so much... And we hope you come back soon... The Nadeshiko Festival last month was missing its biggest star. Everyone was disappointed to learn you weren't going to sing, especially when they realized your last-minute volunteer replacement was going to be---"

"Okay, that's enough!" came a voice from behind the camera. Meiling pulled the lens away from Rika just as she started to giggle. From her secluded couch, Tomoyo wished she could have found that amusing.

A quick cut put the focus on Kero-chan, sitting in front of a paused video game in Sakura's bedroom.

"Tomoyo," he began with a sob, "Why did you abandon us? How could anyone get tired of filming my cool self? Or bringing me shortcake every Saturday? Did you forget that you have a gift? That you can cook" -he lowered his voice for this- "like Sakura and that little girl never will?"

A large dog-shaped plush toy came flying out of the air behind the camera to knock Kero-chan over. He, of course, dodged it skillfully and shook a tiny fist at an off-screen Meiling.

"Is that what they've been teaching you in anger management therapy?" He retorted.

Then his eyes lit up with fear. He backed up towards the window in winged panicky terror. Meiling must have picked up Sakura's baseball bat.

Unsurprised at Meiling's reaction, Tomoyo lowered her eyes. It was all she could do to bend herself to listen, even blankly, to these words from her friends.

She was angry. Angry with herself for knowing she should be appreciative of their concern, but was unable to feel any gratitude. It was just that these messages weren't the answer. There were no answers. Not here, not anywhere she looked.

Downing three aspirins, Tomoyo stood up, woozy and defeated, as Yukito Tsukishiro's voice boomed in the background. She turned around for a quick glance- he was standing behind a convenience store counter, wearing a funny green apron and a queer-looking hat to match it.

"You used to bake such delicious cakes and pastries, Tomoyo-chan," he said with a finger on his lip and his eyes cast up as if to think. "And I think my other self misses them as much as I do... Though I don't see how anyone could miss them as much as Sakura-chan."

That name again. She stood up decisively, took a look at her watch (3:49 AM) and began to walk out of the room. The best quick cure for grouchiness was a piping hot bowl of ramen. She could go searching for another solution when she woke up.

Tomoyo paused at the doorjamb of her bedroom. No, it wasn't her imagination. Her Sakura-chan's voice refracted off of her speakers and beckoned to her. The blue-eyed one figured it would do her no harm to at least hear what her best friend had to say.

"Believe me, Tomoyo-chan, when I say that no words can express how sorry I am for everything that... happened between us. We were both confused- very confused- and if I led you to believe I was something that I'm not... then it's my fault, my fault more than yours, because all you did was what was in your heart, and there's nothing wrong with that."

A pause taken by that sweet voice gave Tomoyo time to realize where her Sakura-chan was- sitting on the penguin slide's tongue in Penguin Park, arms wrapped around her knees, eyes cast intently on the cracked lens of Tomoyo's digital video camera. For once Meiling was silent.

"It's just... you really have been more than a friend to me through all these years, Tomoyo-chan. I mean, you were always there for me; I should have been there for you... tell me... oh, please tell me it can't be too late to still be... friends... _best_ friends."

An empty phrase passed through Tomoyo's mind.

_Words mean nothing when tears flow, but I still should have shown you what you didn't know._

She balked at it. What kind of stupid --?

Suddenly and without warning, Tomoyo's knees gave way. All sounds and images were shut out of her mind. She collapsed onto the floor of her room, spread out, then tightened up, clutching her skull, crying aloud for the burning to stop, and falling in and out of consciousness. Pain racked her, and at long last she fell into a deep sleep, and silently, in her subconscious, memories flowed back to her like feathers on the wind, undisturbed by any other force of nature.

**(Spinning-card commercial thing goes here)**

_No, not this. Anything but this. Let me change it this time. Things can be different if I make them different in here._

_Oh, how I wish that were true. But I know that isn't in my power- all I can feel is a sensation not unlike being trapped under a lake of ice, clawing for something to grab onto. Still, no matter how gruesome the scene- I can't bring myself to look away. In that sense, I am like a piece of Japanese schoolgirl roadkill._

_Here I am, sitting in the park swing, digging my dress shoes into the sand, cursing myself for even getting dressed in the first place when it was a foregone conclusion that I would never go to her party. For another swift second I cast up my eyes to check if anyone's coming. But all I see is the orange outline of a setting star._

_Sunsets. And to think there was a time when I used to love them._

_I almost laugh despite the tears I'm choking on. This is all so wrong- I never cry. At least, not for myself. But then again, I never had enough reason to cry before. This is all so new to me. Or isn't it?_

_If my Sakura-chan's behavior towards me for the past 12 months is any indication of what I'd be doing at her little gathering, then I probably made the right choice. Never mind what I had fantasized about when I poured so much of myself into what's in the stupid blue gift bag in my hands. I would burn the cursed thing if anyone cared to notice._

_Ignoring me, then inviting me..._

_Why didn't I go, again?_

_I don't think I was really worried about appearing weak and attached- she knows I'm beyond pathetic as a person... Hmm. I can't even remember what I was worried about._

_All I know is that I've never caught myself crying before. Not like this. Never like this._

_Was it because... Because... _Keep searching!

_Was it because... she'd been ignoring me for a whole year, today? Three hundred and sixty five stupid days since that fated ocean cruise... Yes. That sounds about right._

_Not that I should be reflecting on that in any case._

_I take another look up, as if there's anyone else in this lonely town who'd go out of their way on April Fool's Day to pass by this little children's park._

_Stupid! Nobody's coming! Not for you! Not even if her house party _is _over. Which it should be by now. Yes, I can't see how it could still be going on- she never could entertain a myriad of guests for more than four hours at a time._

_No, nobody's coming. But I'm not sure if I'm really waiting, either. I recite a passage from an old poem I wrote. It helps me cry. Oh, Meiling was right. I should do this kind of thing more often. Why did I even leave her house again?_

_The rocking of my swing gives my thoughts rhythm. But it can't... It won't make her appear around that corner._

Footsteps on pavement.

_Or will it? It's... Not like I should get excited or anything. Stupid hallucinations. I think I made those footsteps up inside my head._

No... Silly me. They're real. And coming this way.

_Oh, dear. It's best not to hide, whoever it is. At the least, I guess, I can wipe away my tears and keep my eyes down._

_I draw abstract figures in the sand with my feet. _Very_ abstract. Yes... There's me. There's my Sakura-chan. And there's our castle, our mansion somewhere far away... Like in Hokkaido... Yes, she and I shall have a pastoral mansion north of here, north of Eastern civilization._

They're coming closer.

_We'll have a swimming pool, an aviary, a private lake with two little islands..._

Closer. Their shadow is threatening to block my sand drawing.

_And a home theater system, where we can go to cuddle and watch silly old movies... And I can hold her in my arms when she falls asleep in them, and I then can watch her dream to my heart's content, I can feel her breathing..._

"_Tomoyo-chan?"_

_My heart skips a beat. But I don't look upwards._

"_Tomoyo, look at me. We were all searching for you at the party... You had me so worried."_

_She speaks to me as if I'm a child for her to reprimand. Or to guilt-trip. It's disgusting how incredibly dense she is, how blind she can be to my feelings. Plus she forgot the "-chan". _

_Who has been ignoring who? No, I'm the victim here. Don't pull these mind games with me. You just want to mess me up, that's all. Stop pretending like you care because I know you don't... You DON'T!_

_The reality is never half as sweet as the fantasy. And I can live with my fantasy just fine._

"_Please..."_

_This is too much. I stand up, pull the blue bag loose of the swing's chains and bolt past her. And to think I was _this _close to actually telling her this time._

_She grabs me by the hand. I don't try to pull away. Not much._

"_You're not leaving until you tell me what's going on," she says caringly but firmly. "Why are you acting so... different lately?"_

_If I speak now, she'll know by the shake in my voice how much I've been---_

"_Are you... crying?"_

_Why, of course I'm crying! And from her tone I know she doesn't have a clue why._

"_Is it... is it because of someone... you love?"_

_She did not just say that. _

_Could it be? No, even if it _is _a lucky guess, I can't ignore her any more. Not after she said that._

_I try to nod my head without turning around to look at her._

"_I apologize, Sakura-chan. I didn't mean for you to find me here like this..."_

(Yeah, right- that was the reason I chose to sit here!)

"_Not on your birthday, of all days. D-don't worry about me..."_

(Please, please worry about me! I need you to!)

_Sakura leans in closer to wipe away my tears. I tremble more than I expected to when I try to force words out of my mouth._

"_It's-- It's only that I wanted the one I love to be happy... I just never knew it would be this hard..."_

I gulp. Inaudibly, unnoticed, but still a gulp.

"_This hard not to have someone loving me, too."_

_I can't believe it. Call it wishful thinking, but from her big green eyes, I sense that she can feel my pain. She can feel my pain. Maybe she has always felt my pains, the same way I do with all of hers._

_She never takes those eyes off me as she moves closer... So close she can almost see the tears forming in her own eyes through mine._

"_Oh, Tomoyo-chan," she says sympathetically._

_Her hands gracefully move into a loving embrace. I move my own palms around her back, not as tight as I usually would._

"_It doesn't have to be so hard, you know... After all, _**I**_ love you..."_

_She doesn't sound done with what she's saying, but I don't want to hear the rest of it. I've heard enough. My hug wraps around her like a vice, squeezing proportionally with my joy at the revelation._

"_And I love you too... Oh, Sakura-chan... Sakura-chan aishiteru!"_

_I pull away, close my eyes and kiss her straight on the lips._

_With my tongue I pry her mouth open, and for a split-second she moves her tongue around mine. Tangled up and twisted like the innocents that we are, though, the elating lip-lock breaks up almost before it begins._

_"No."_

"_No," she says again after a shocked silence, gasping for a breath, glaring at me like she doesn't even know who I am, then scolding me silently yet accusingly with those jade-green orbs. I step forward to apologize, but she has already taken two steps back._

"_Get away! Get away from me!"_

_And with that she bolts off, leaving me alone in the darkening sand as the purple dusk fades quietly into a starless night._

_I am still standing there, lost in a nightmare, when the streetlights turn on and I realize that I've thrown my blue bag, in a fit of rage, at the penguin slide, where it has collapsed and landed face-up into the sand. Finally I drop down on my knees, unchecked tears staining the sand where our beautiful little castle was, and with my hands pile grains to cover up the little blue card that lays sprawled open on the front of the bag._

_The little blue card that reads, "For My One and Only Sakura-chan... Happy 17th Birthday."_

_More than ever I want to wake up._

_But I don't. The powers-that-be won't let me._

_Without a moment's rest, I am rushed through my convoluted life after the incident._

_I live **three days** into the future, when I finally have enough wit to eat something- but only after my mother, the only other person who knows about what happened, threatens to send me to a hospital._

_**Six days** into the future, as my Sakura-chan continues to deny my existence._

_**Eight days**, when she attempts to get me out of my room with phone calls begging me to "be her best friend again"._

_**Twelve days** after the park incident, as my Sakura-chan tries to will herself to fall in love with me, not understanding she's doing it because she's having problems with Li-kun._

_**Fifteen days** pass, and we go out on our first 'secret date', and continue our kiss from where we left off, albeit a little awkwardly._

_At **twenty-three days**... My Sakura-chan begins to become dissatisfied with our relationship when I cling to her for my self-worth and become so attached that I can't let her out of my sight for five minutes. My life, even more than ever now, is my Sakura-chan's happiness... This is, after all, what she wants, right? Why _shouldn't_ she be happy with me?_

_**Thirty days** pass before I finally realize that she's ignoring me again, that she doesn't want to deal with me being disappointed when she reveals that she can't stand the tension of being my "secret girlfriend"._

_On the **thirty-second day**, my mother reads me a sealed note from my Sakura-chan saying how "difficult it is" for her to tell me that this was all "just a big mistake", as if losing her is a petty little something I will get over in time. _

_But time was something that has never held much importance for me. And neither was life. After all, that was the same day I attempted to take my own._

_And yet, even after that, nobody knew._

_Everything after that blurs into a nightmare that is more than just a bad dream. A stray thought reminds me that in another world, right now, I exist, twenty years old, sleeping on my cold bedroom floor._

_Safe._

_Safe in a world where all of this horror is nothing but a bygone memory, and the only casualties are the lives of the friends who I left behind. I need to rouse myself, now, more than ever- despite the tragedy of my choices, there is existence after my mistakes, and I intend to go on living my 'second chance' as best I can._

Sunday, 3:55 AM

Tomoyo jerked herself awake, shocked not so much at the knowledge that had filled her head as much at the disappearance of the uncontrollable headache.

The girl wanted to attribute its disappearance to the incredible feeling of euphoria she experienced from realizing she still had a chance to make things right. But it was probably just the aspirins.

Almost as soon as she remembered where she was, the ashen-haired girl checked her watch. She'd only been asleep for three minutes. The longest three minutes of her life, she reasoned- it was like a lifetime in itself, and more.

A lingering thought made itself present.

_Ask yourself if you remember Minnesota._

'Minnesota? I went there to erase my memory. That's all. I lived there for three years... I grew up here. My home is here. Here.'

Tomoyo wasn't quite sure what had happened, but she was too overwhelmed with emotion to do anything but run.

'Where to go?'

A curt voice supplied the answer. Meiling-chan's house. A forty-minute walk away. She'd make it there in twenty if she sprinted. And she didn't intend to stop and smell the cherry blossoms.

Funny how she held that exact thought at the moment she decided to turn the corner and dash down the stairs, because that's just where she stopped; as it happened twice before, so it happened again: Tomoyo Daidouji bumped right into Meiling Li.

The Chinese girl was sobbing quietly when she ascended the stairwell before she suddenly found herself grabbing onto Tomoyo to stop from falling over outright. Not that it helped much- both friends were unable to escape tumbling down the stairs.

* * *

**(To Be Continued Sign Goes Here)**


	10. Tears Lost In Rain

**Chapter Ten  
Tears Lost In Rain**

_Vroom. Screech._

_The melodic hum of the Lamborghini Diablo's engine disappears into the distant night before I can catch its plate number. Boy, I could sure use one of those babies._

_"That was her! Come on!"_

_It's a good thing I'm not alone. And that I'm out here with someone with abnormally large eyes._

_"Shaoran!"_

_Setting my worries aside, I pull the hood of my cloak down over my head with my right hand and run alongside my cousin, the same hand now almost at the hilt of my sword, even if I'm sure there aren't any thieves in this part of the neighborhood._

_BEEP._

_"Daidouji residence. Who's there? "_

_"Um... This is Meiling Li... Here to visit..."_

_I miss the rest of her sentence when a distant lightning bolt catches my attention. It's eleven seconds before I hear the thunder rumbling after it. While Meiling negotiates our entrance, I try to keep the package steady in the nook of my clumsy left arm. Funny how I can balance the box better when running- when my troubles have less of a chance of overriding my senses._

_Proof of my out-of-character absentmindedness manifests itself when it takes me half a minute to realize the gates to Tomoyo's mansion have opened._

_"Hurry UP! It looks like it's gonna rain soon!" she hollers. "We'll be caught dripping wet on the way back! I don't wanna get sick..."_

_As usual, I shrug. _

_"Well, if Daidouji-san's got a fever so bad even her mom won't let us visit, then it doesn't really matter, now, does it?"_

_First thing I've said all evening, and she doesn't have a witty comeback prepared. Ugh. What a strange, strange Tuesday._

_The front door opens wide in front of us, drowning Meiling with light, just as the first drops of heaven's tears land at my heels. One of the Daidouji family bodyguards looks at my cousin and I in turn, not bothering to take off her sunglasses despite the hour of night._

_"She's upstairs," the woman says in a voice seemingly incapable of expression. But she's worried. I can tell she's worried. If she wasn't, I don't think she would have let us in. "But Ms. Daidouji will be back in twenty minutes, so I suggest you make your visit quick."_

_Nodding, Meiling dashes up the staircase ahead of me, almost slipping on one of the steps near the top, barely taking the time to kick off her sneakers once she reaches the summit. When it comes to footwork, I usually leave my cousin eating my dust, but she's anxious enough to manage to spring open the door to Tomoyo's bedroom before I'm within ten paces of it._

_"Daidouji-san?" It sounded more like shock than the concerned gesture she meant for it to be._

_The only reply was the sound of a closing suitcase._

_I made my way to the doorway expecting the worst. But there was no sickbed and no nurse. Actually, what I saw was far worse. The blue-eyed girl before me couldn't hide the redness in her pained eyes as much as she could the decrepit state of her bedroom._

_"What do you want?" Her tone was too soft to mean anything; anger, frustration, sadness. Too soft even for Tomoyo. It was a voice numb and dead._

_In front of me, Meiling shuffles as quickly and carefully as she can across the cluttered floor to pick up the scattered contents of the sewing kit that rebounded off of Tomoyo's bed when she clamped her suitcase shut so suddenly at our appearance._

_All I can do is stand there and switch on the light._

_"Turn it off!" Tomoyo protests weakly as I finally take a good look around her abode. Worries in the dark had scarcely overestimated the damage. Kilometers of videotape lay twisted on the furniture and tossed around like spliced black confetti. Between the shards of glass, tattered pieces of colorful clothing and old props from her video-making days littered on the floor, I can barely make out the carpet._

_I'm so mesmerized I begin to reach back for the light switch before I realize what I'm doing._

_"Now, wait a minute, Daidouji-san..."_

_She keeps her eyes down while stuffing a baby blue gift bag into an extremely ugly-looking orange and pink backpack, knuckling it as forcefully as she can while keeping that serene face of hers._

_"I'm leaving," she says matter-of-factly, though she's too ashamed to do so much as look at us. Ashamed... of what?_

_"And I don't intend to come back anytime soon."_

_Meiling grabs the girl by her icy-looking hands, giving Tomoyo such a start that she drops the offensive-looking bag right on top of her feet. For some stupid reason I find myself wondering if all of this means I'll get to eat the cake I'm cradling in my arms._

_"WHAT? Leaving? What do you mean, l-leaving? Where are-- Why? You're not THAT sick, are you?"_

_By Clow, she is stupid. Or maybe just not observant. Meiling just isn't the type who'd notice that not a single one of the old tapes left intact on her shelves has the name "SAKURA" on their labels, or that the pictures shredded and torn about are ones of SAKURA, or that the clothes scattered on the floor can only be unfinished prototype costumes for her best friend- some for battle enactments and others for parties. It breaks my heart to see items crafted with such talent and skill so mercilessly torn apart almost as much as it does to see the look on Tomoyo's face, in total contrast to it all, her normally jubilant eyes unmoving, half-closed, like a cracked porcelain doll._

_"No, not sick." It was little more than a whisper._

_"Then... What?" Meiling was tearing at the eyes in confusion._

_Shaking off my cousin's vice grip on her hands, Tomoyo turns away from us to face the smoldering wreck of her mini-theatre system in her bedroom. The fumes from some of the scorched appliances force her to cough before she voices out her reply._

_"You wouldn't care to know."_

_She picks up the offensive looking bag with one pale-skinned hand._

_"After all," the girl adds in a whisper I'm sure she didn't intend for us to hear, "_she_ didn't."_

_The bag launches forth like a brick into her full-length mirror. Meiling jumps back, and I stop my hand from instinctually darting to my weapon when Tomoyo turns back to face us, her face calm and collective... As it always has been. She slips on her raincoat and picks up her single piece of luggage, smiling at the two of us as she treads briskly out of the room, sleek even in leather boots that make squeamish noises as they plod over the broken glass and debris._

_Sure the bag was ugly, but I don't think it deserved that._

_The sudden rumble of thunder outside scares Meiling to her feet. Hopefully neither of the women noticed how I hollered out the beginnings of a high-pitched girlish scream._

_"I'll let my bodyguards know you can stay for the night if you prefer," she says. "I don't want you to get caught out in the rain."_

Sunday, 4:12 AM

"I'm all right, Meiling-chan, I swear," Tomoyo said softly. "It's just a light bruise."

The Chinese girl just sniffed as she tickled behind her friend's ears, laying down the ice bag on her lap so she could part Tomoyo's sweet-smelling (now was not the time to be envious of someone else's hair, she thought) hair to catch a glimpse of the bump.

"No, you're not! If that silly tape of mine didn't set your memory straight, Tomoyo Daidouji, then the blow to your head surely would have!"

Meiling still had a hard time accepting Tomoyo's revelation for the truth. But more than that, she was surprised that such shocking knowledge didn't make her loathe Sakura more... Rather, it made her feel deeply for her video-obsessed friend Tomoyo, who needed love more than Sakura needed hate.

Tomoyo who helped her through her constant heartbreaks, who trusted her with the things she could never tell Sakura...

Tomoyo who was patient enough to try teaching her how to bake chocolate cake seven times before giving up.

Tomoyo who, at the last second, turned on her back as they collided while falling down the stairs, as to sacrifice herself into sustaining the greater injury.

"So you remember now... The parties, the cake, our trip to Singapore, Shaoran's sports meet--"

"Yes."

And as for that ashen-haired girl... Well, she was beginning to feel the first wave of what Dr. Haueser related to her as the "not-so-pretty" side-effects of gaining her memory back. Past emotions threatened to boil to the surface, and Touya Kinomoto's presence in Meiling's video, eyes and voice sharp with concern for his little sister, only made things worse.

It was all Tomoyo could do to not curse at herself out loud. And she thought she probably would have, if it wasn't for the way Meiling's fingers felt as they combed through her hair. But even that sensation brought little comfort- stealing a glance at the eraser, Tomoyo doubted that she should be enjoying her friend's touch that much. Still, it felt like a necessary comfort after what she just had to endure, having all those horrible memories flow back to her.

"Meiling-chan."

"Uh huh?"

"When you came up the stairs earlier, you were crying."

"Nuh-uh, I was—"

"What happened?" Tomoyo spun around and looked Meiling straight in the eye. "What made you decide to come here?"

Meiling fidgeted with strands of Tomoyo's hair, wondering if she could get out of this by complimenting her friend on the conditioner she used. Her eyebrows formed a confused frown.

"It's nothing," Meiling said with a smile, quickly adding, "I was just so... so worried about you."

Tomoyo gave her a mischievous look that politely said she didn't believe a word of it.

"Oh, fine," the other girl said sadly, throwing her arms in the air. "If you MUST know, then I was crying 'coz I stubbed my second toe on the bottom step while trying to scurry up the stairs... It's like half an inch longer than my big toe- Shaoran says it must be a mutation or something. Isn't that gross?"

The other girl's face hardened.

"Wanna see it?" Meiling suggested innocently to top it all off, ready to pull down one knee-high sock.

Tomoyo adjusted her position on the couch, her eyes back on the eraser.

"It's okay. I'd rather not," she said firmly. Meiling's heart sank into her stomach, which reacted by twisting into a pretzel knot and attempting to strangle itself.

'She could see right through my stupid story... And I just betrayed her trust. But I'm not hiding anything! Nothing! Doesn't she know that?'

"Oh... okay, Tomoyo-chan."

**(Spinning-card commercial time)**

"_I don't want you to get caught out in the rain."_

_I could have sworn I saw her wink at Meiling. Soon Tomoyo's footsteps are lost to the drumming melody of the downpour on the roof._

_When all is clear I sneak out of the room, pick up a pair of traditional geta clogs lining the hallway, and, ignoring my cousin's pesky questions, walk across the shards of glass and mangled clothing to the remains of the broken mirror. After peeling off a piece of white masking tape labeling the bag as "TRASH", I reach for the zipper._

"_SHAORAN!"_

_The voice I've been patiently ignoring for the past minute or so begins to irritate me. I swear, between Meiling and Sakura, someday I'm going to turn into an alcoholic._

"_Yes, Meiling?" I ask ever so nicely._

"_C'mon! Why don'tcha lemme see first?"_

_As if I have a choice. I toss her the backpack._

"_Just don't do anything stupid, like getting the zipper stuck or something," I say idly, striding into the bathroom nearby and taking off the clogs so I can sink my weary feet into the shaggy pink carpet._

_Twenty seconds later there is a bang on the door. I've barely undone my own zipper._

"_Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Can't you at the very least give me a minute to—"_

"_It's Kinomoto-san!"_

"_H-here? Now?"_

"_No! She's the reason Daidouji-san left!"_

_No shit._

"_Uh... right. What makes you think that?" I'm so relieved I almost miss the bowl. I love Sakura with all my heart; I just don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to deal with her._

"_Aah! I'm going after her!" Meiling screams._

"_N-no! Meiling!"_

_Argh. Curse me and my unstoppable bladder flow. It takes until I can see my cousin run out the door and in the middle of street from the tiny window before I can zip my pants back up._

_Exasperated, I push open the bathroom door, thinking that I might have a bite of the cake we brought for Tomoyo, half-guilty that I'm too mentally drained to chase after Tomoyo and my cousin, and unwittingly step on a shard of glass. I fall over to the side and scream out loud as my arm lands on pieces of shattered plastic._

Sunday, 9:47 AM

Slowly, excruciatingly, Shaoran Li willed his eyes open. One of the best things about drinking, he remembered to be grateful for, was the way that alcohol killed the brain cells that housed the memories of his nightmares upon waking. He knew they were nightmares because of how often they made him wake up sweating in the wee hours of the morning. And because something told him they were about his past- pretty much everything that'd happened in the past 3 years had been a nightmare to him.

Hung-over but persistent, Sharoan gathered himself up to a sit as the sun's rays crept out from behind a far-off building to the East and touched his cold feet, which were lying limp on the floor. Looking up first to the open window and then to the cordless phone hanging a few feet above him on the wall, the Chinese boy cleared his throat. Then he vomited. Then he cleared his throat again.

"Wei, what time is it?"

"Ten minutes to ten," came the reply.

"Do me a favor and load the trampoline from the garage into my car, please," Shaoran said, reaching for his sword up on the coffee table a few feet away.

"Of course, Shaoran."

Lurching forward from the side of the couch he was leaning against, and away from the pile of whatever it was Meiling bought for dinner the night before, Shaoran strained to reach the wall phone with his long, shiny blade.

Sunday, 4:19 AM (Time is confusing, isn't it?)

"Tell me... Where did you get all my stuff? You told me my mother got rid of everything." Tomoyo crossed her arms as she looked through Naoko Yanagizawa's onscreen projection.

Meiling scratched her head. "Let's just say Shaoran and I had impeccable timing," she said with a forced laugh. The other girl did not even fake a smile.

"Pass me the remote." Tomoyo muttered.

Meiling became aware of her interview tape still playing the background. Now Eriol Hiiragizawa had his chin cradled between his thumbs, leaning over a desk by the window of one of the rooms of his pastoral mansion in Scotland. It was recorded with a different camera, and Tomoyo thought it was probably streamed to Meiling through the Internet, where she stuck it on her tape with all the other interviews.

"I'm sure you remember that particular tea party... Shaoran almost burned himself when Kero tickled his ear with those tiny wings of his," The bespectacled boy reminisced as Tomoyo held the remote control calmly in her hand.

"All because the two were fighting over your last brownie." He giggled like a lovesick schoolgirl.

Tomoyo pointed her remote at the machine and pressed 'POWER'. But alas! The batteries were dead- that little red light at the top didn't light up. She pounded and pounded the button, but that DVD just wouldn't stop spinning... Meiling could understand. The one time in the last 5 years she dared attempt to bake another cake, she realized she didn't have any butter. And two hours of whining did nothing to change that. It was **the day no butter came**. She shuddered. But Eriol droned on. And Tomoyo still pounded on the remote.

"We always had fun, didn't we? I thoroughly enjoyed all the parties at your house when I came for my annual visit... I'll always miss sitting around the fireplace with yourself and Sakur—"

_KZZT!_

Eriol's cheery discourse skipped a beat when DVD remote bounced off DVD player. Meiling bit her lip. She was afraid of this. In one quick movement Tomoyo stood up from her seat, and without a sound she had yanked the black box from the rack leaning against the wall and tossed it across the room to where it collided and crashed into a standing lamp. Meiling couldn't turn away.

The Japanese girl fell to her knees, grabbed at her hair, screamed, pulled out the bottle of Dr. Haueser's pills from her purse, yanked off the cover and tossed it at the projection screen.

"Tomoyo-chan! Stop!"

The Chinese girl shuddered as her friend turned to face her after a moment's pause. The only sound was that of tiny pills rolling along the cold, wooden floor.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Tomoyo said serenely, but she still grit her teeth in frustration. "I feel _much_ better now."

"Oh, Tomoyo-chan... I'm so sorry..."

The other girl dropped her head into her hands and groaned.

"No, really," Meiling pleaded. "I am."

Tomoyo sighed.

"I don't WANT you to be sorry! The last thing I need right now is sympathy! I have to be strong, don't you understand that?"

"What do you mean?" the Chinese girl murmured.

Meiling took a seat on the coffee table across her friend and willed herself to just listen. That friend paced back and forth frantically.

"Think... If I wasn't so weak in the first place, none of this would have ever happened. I... it just seems too late to fix it all up now."

The Chinese girl resisted the temptation to make a crack at Tomoyo's being pessimistic, and suppressed the urge to reassure her friend with an embrace. She just had to listen for once. Listen.

"Chiharu was right... Things went downhill when I disappeared, and it's all because I had to mess things up. I couldn't deal with reality, just living so... so into my stupid, girlish dream that when it came true I ruined it with my ignorance... and my selfishness. No, none of this was Sakura-chan's doing-"

In mid-sentence the Japanese girl raised her eyes to look at Meiling for a moment, and then quickly diverted them to the fateful eraser that had found its way back into her hands, stammering as she sped up her pacing.

"--e-even after the op-peration, I was living a life of loneliness, c-constant doubt, taking on Sakura-chan's characteristics- you saw how clumsy I've been- not even caring to try my best anymore... making old paintings of Sakura-chan... living for myself... it didn't matter if I was perfect, because... because there was no one there to impress... I was just so... so empty."

Tomoyo massaged some dirt off of the face of the eraser, trying not to smudge it across the bunny's face design. So much for waking up a different person, running down the stairs and settling things with Sakura once and for all. Pathetic. That's what she was, just pathetic, feeling sorry for herself like this...

She collapsed on the couch beside Meiling.

"Hey... Living for yourself was a step in the right direction."

Tomoyo scoffed.

"Maybe it would have been if... if I was someone worth living for... if... if I was anyone other than me."

Meiling gently lifted Tomoyo's head up from her hands and slowly wiped away the tears forming in her eyes. She smiled, and wondered if Tomoyo realized she was showing dangerous symptoms of grinning as well.

"You know you want me to say that's not true."

"Say it."

"That's not true, Tomoyo-chan," she said passionately.

"Liar," Tomoyo only half-joked.

"Why do you beat yourself up like that?"

Blue eyes dropped back down to count the teardrops on the floor.

"Tomoyo-chan," Meiling began, "don't think you have to suffer through this alone. I hate feeling sorry for myself as much as you do, especially when I remember there are so many people that have it worse."

The other girl shook her head.

"But look at us; we're only human, after all. And the best that we can do is the best that we can do. It isn't easy to love someone who won't spare you a second look."

Tomoyo raised her eyes to her friend's as she dropped the eraser. It didn't make a sound.

If the Chinese girl was aware of how watery her dark red eyes were becoming, she gave no sign of it. This much was clear to her- Meiling was as needy as she was... If not more.

"What is it that you haven't told me, Meiling-chan? Was it... Why were you--?"

"No... That doesn't matter now. No, not now."

She held Tomoyo close. Tomoyo reciprocated, a little stronger than she had anticipated, and just about as strong as she had hoped. It was the first time in her life Meiling felt someone latch on to her as tightly as she did onto Shaoran.

Tomoyo laughed. It was a disconcerting, unstable, half-crying laugh, but still sane enough to inspire comment.

"W-what is it?"

The blue-eyed girl shook her head again, this time less subtly, still laughing like a madwoman. "I feel like Sakura-chan."

Meiling smirked.

"You mean you feel like you're the only one who doesn't know what's going on, or you feel like your life is just a huge conspiracy?"

"Both!"

The girls burst out into sudden laughter, and the rest of the night passed like a drunken dream as they faded in and out of consciousness, sorrows and comforts melded into an overwhelming flood of repressed emotion. Neither Meiling nor Tomoyo knew or cared whether they had laughed or cried themselves to sleep.

Sunday, 10:31 AM

The brown-haired girl tilted her head up from behind the schoolbag on her desk a moment to look down the huge bowl-shaped classroom to where her plump yet bone faced-professor was criticizing the degeneration of musical theatre. 'Ah, the wonders of the Internet,' Sakura thought as she sat patiently behind her desk. A classmate had e-mailed her earlier that morning saying that their professor would give 10 points of extra credit on the term paper to anyone who could make it for an extensive, four-hour lecture that morning - a Sunday morning. Sunday morning! Who goes to college on a SUNDAY? It was a ridiculous demand, but even Sakura Kinomoto knew that 10 points on a term paper was nothing to scoff at. Especially when hers was a badly written essay with three pages missing. And that half of it was drenched from water rainwater washed off Kero-chan's fur.

"Maybe I am a little afraid," Sakura whispered into her cell-phone, hiding her head behind her schoolbag.

Besides, even if Sakura believed that Mrs. Harrop, who asserted that she came from somewhere called "Seattle", was the worst professor in the world, anything that took her mind off of her upcoming meeting with Tomoyo the next day was definitely worth the time.

"You've accepted that it's not all your fault, right?" Eriol replied, unable to fully disguise his aggravation at being kept on the line for over ten hours.

"Uh-huh."

"And you're ready to explain the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth to her?"

"Yup."

Eriol held his breath. He tried not to get his hopes up, but he was quite sure this was the end of it. "Then tell her- if she accepts and understands, then you two can start your friendship all over again."

"And if she doesn't?"

The magician pushed up his glasses.

"If she doesn't, then be a good friend and tell her I'm hosting a cocktail party in Winchester this weekend," he joked, and then quickly added, "Oh, Sakura, do you doubt she'll understand? We're talking about events that happened three years ago, after all..."

The light-brown-haired one sat in silence for a minute. For once in the past ten hours, Eriol wished she'd say something.

"I've been so selfish," Sakura finally managed.

The man on the other line sat up in his couch.

"Dragging Shao-kun with me everywhere... Bugging my brother over in Tokyo every waking hour..."

"Yes, yes," Eriol said with veiled excitement. It wouldn't be long before his name came up.

"It's not that I don't care... I love them... I'm... Maybe I'm just not paying enough attention, kind of like treating them as if their lives revolve around me," she said with a laugh. "I mean, the way I act, you'd think I was the main character of some TV show!"

Eriol slapped his forehead. Sakura stood up in her seat despite herself, and the boring lecture.

"Hoe! Just listen to what I'm saying! Even right now, I'm standing here, talking about myself when we're supposed to be discussing Tomo—"

"SAKURA!"

Eriol was shocked by the scream until he realized it didn't come from him. He listened intently.

"Shaoran!"

On the other side of the world, Sakura looked down from her seat in the far back of the semicircular raised platform, and waved down to the exhausted-looking man who had apparently just burst in, oblivious to the confused stares both of them were getting from her professor and classmates.

"I've... standing here... calling your name... three minutes..."

He was breathing deeply, trying very hard not to look like he had to lean on something to keep from falling over.

"Hey Shaoran, guess who I've got on the other line?"

There was a pause.

"Santa Claus," he blurted out.

And then an immediate reply.

"No silly," she began with a grin and shake of her head. "It's---"

"I DON'T CARE WHO IT IS!" the brown-eyed boy bellowed out with a tug of the green scarf around his neck. "Listen, Sakura, I've had one hell of an exceptionally baaaaaaaaaaad week, and wait- no, screw that- an exceptionally bad year, and, it's not like I'm blaming your or anything, but, well, let me get to the point, my cousin woke me up last night with a kiss- A SLOPPY WET KISS- and then when I called her insane, she criticized me for my drinking problem! And... and crazy as she is, that woman's ramblings unveiled to me a deep down universal truth! I realized something! I did! I swear I did!"

He paused. For effect of because he was too hung-over to continue, neither Shaoran nor Sakura were sure.

"Are you... coming out?"

Fists clenched, he comforted the rage building within himself with a simple "no."

"Oh, good," Sakura began, relieved. "Um... Not that there would be anything wrong with that, honey."

After blushing at the word 'honey', Shaoran said "Yeah, I know. What I was saying was—"at the same time his girlfriend went on to confess, "It's just, someone close to me did that before, and—"

Sakura caught herself and snapped her mouth shut, covering it in shock of her own carelessness. The Chinese boy grunted.

"You go first," he said.

"No, you," she said with a smile. Sakura caught herself in the act of almost revealing Tomoyo's secret. Even after telling Eriol, she was still horribly nervous about it. Still, if she was ever to tell Shaoran about the Penguin Park Incident, there were better places and times to do so.

Then the Chinese boy nodded.

"What I was saying was..." he scratched his wooly-haired head. "Err..." He looked around at the wide-eyed class of fifty or sixty students. "I forgot," he muttered finally, tugging at the scarf again, this time as if it was a noose.

Another pause. The most uncomfortable so far in this chapter. Sakura tried keeping her eyes on her boyfriend- Mrs. Harrop looked like she was going to kill someone.

"Hey, Shaoran?"

"Yes?"

"Isn't that the scarf I made you way back when we were kids?"

"Y-yes."

"Oh."

"Look, I—"

"Oh, yeah!" Sakura exclaimed. "Why don't you say hi to Eriol?"

Not quite sure where this conversation had gone wrong, Shaoran sighed.

"Why not?" he said, as if to concede defeat, and then began an uneasy trot up the stairs.

Holding out her cell phone, Sakura stole a quick peek at her classmates. The green-eyed girl wondered how long her professor could keep her grumpy face so wrinkled up. And it was hard to tell what the other students were enjoying more- missing Theatre History or the show that Sakura and her hung-over boyfriend were putting on for them.

"Hi," Shaoran mumbled droll into the cell phone, accepting the death of his dramatic presence in the room.

"Shaoran Li, thank goodness! I need a _huge_ favor from you!"

"Not right now," he said, rolling his eyes. "I'm the one that needs a miracle."

"Need I remind you that I am your ancestor?" Eriol said nonchalantly.

"The _reincarnation _of my ancestor, a guy who just so happens to have his memories," Shaoran was quick to point out.

"What-ever. Look, don't let your girlfriend's naïveté distract you. I heard what you were saying out there, and I feel your pain."

"Y-you do?"

"Whatever it is, just tell her it straight, then bolt like a bunny."

The Chinese boy laughed. "No need, I'll just jump out the window."

Sakura's eyes bulged open.

"There's a window? All right, this is what I need you to do..."

Sakura watched curiously as Shaoran nodded his head and arched his eyebrows strangely, and she was about to lean forward and ask what was wrong when suddenly her boyfriend ran up the stairs of the platform, pulled open a window, aimed, and tossed out her cell phone.

"Shaoran! Wha---"

"Don't worry," he assured her. "Wei's down there with a trampoline."

"Trampoline?"

The Chinese youth smirked.

"Just in case you felt the need to toss _me_ out the window."

"H-hoe?" Sakura was long-overdue for some head-scratching. "Why would I do--?"

"BecauseIwasafraidofwhatyou'ddowhenItoldyouthatIwantsometimeoff." He braced himself.

"HOE!"

Sakura's classmates, whom Shaoran came to realize were mostly women, all gasped in unison.

"Iie... it's... it's not like a permanent break-up or anything, I-I just need some time off, ya know? A vacation! I mean, life is getting... complicated."

All eyes were on Sakura, but her usually expressive face gave away no indication of her mood.

"I understand," she said with a placid nod.

Shaoran smiled.

"Thank you... I don't know how long I'll be gone," he began with a glance out the window, "but when I get back I promise I'll be a better man. And as for Daidouji-san..."

Pulling his scarf back, Shaoran leaned in towards Sakura and whispered something into her ear. Sakura nodded and giggled as he pulled away, goosing him before he had the chance to run off.

"Take care... And don't forget to change your underwear every day," she reminded him with a wink.

Stopping in mid-skip to absorb Sakura's statement, Shaoran stumbled down the semi-circular platform's stairs. He gathered himself up in a flash and threw Sakura one last salute on his way out of the room, quick to avoid meeting Mrs. Harrop's glare.

Sakura blushed. The class erupted in a round of raucous applause when the door closed shut after him.

**(Another spinning-card commercial thing goes here)**

Sunday, 10:47 AM

"Hey, it's the Chinaman!"

After descending the building's primary staircase, Shaoran spun on his heels. Kendo, Johto, Yeko and Sato were waiting for him near the entrance to the building, plastic bags filled with spray paint cans and six-packs of beer in each of their hands that wasn't holding a skateboard. He spun back around to face the doorway.

"You stood us up the other night when we egged the Tendo residence," Sato said gruffly. "We almost got caught without you and your weapon to scare 'em off!"

Keeping his head down, Shaoran continued to be on his way.

Yeko ran up and grabbed the Chinese boy by the collar of his shirt. "That hot redhead and her pet panda were chasin' us for like half an hour, 'blademaster'..."

Pushing his 'friend' away, Shaoran glanced at each of them in turn.

"Well, you made it out alive, didn't you?"

They were silent.

"Come on, boys, it's Sunday," Johto said, filing his nails. "We can forgive him for that little incident... Let's talk about this over a couple drinks."

Shaoran shook his head. "I'm through drinking, Johto."

They looked like he just announced his own suicide.

"No more. Not for me," he said once more as he resumed his stride. "And I suggest you all follow my example."

Ignoring their protests and threats, Shaoran closed the door behind him as he walked up to Wei, who pretended like he wasn't just jumping on a trampoline five seconds before, and eyed the cell phone in his hand.

"Eriol Hiiragizawa. Don't give it back to Sakura until you delete his number, all right?"

"I won't. Have a good trip, Shaoran."

"Thank you, Wei."

"Shaoran-kun! Hurry up already!"

Chiharu Mihara and Takashi Yamazaki were both leaning against the latter's Porsche, the former more than a little impatient.

"Shotgun!" Shaoran called out as Wei tossed him his duffel bag.

"Not in my car," Takashi said with a smile. "You know what they say about the bad luck involved in making a Japanese woman sit in the back seat of a sports ca-"

"Shut it," both Shaoran and Chiharu said in unison.

Takashi shrugged as he pulled his seat back to let Shaoran in. This was going to be one long road trip.

Sunday, 2:23 PM

Meiling took a sip out of the "lunch" Sonomi had evidently brought up for her daughter. Not bad for chicken soup, though the Chinese girl was sure Tomoyo could have made it much better. It was boiling hot- she had to blow her first spoonful a good five times before she could ingest it.

Looking around, Meiling wondered for the third time since she'd woken up ten minutes before how she managed to run all the way to her Tomoyo-chan's house in a nightgown and raincoat.

Speaking of Tomoyo, where was she? Maybe if she had some more of the soup, the answer would come to her. But that would have to wait awhile. The maroon-eyed girl stood up and took the bowl out with her onto the balcony, leaving her hair down so it could blow softly on the autumn wind. It was a beautiful sight. The city, that is, not Meiling. Well, okay, she was actually looking kind of cute.

Suddenly the Chinese girl felt two hands on her shoulders.

"I see you're awake, darling... I've had to reheat that soup every twenty minutes waiting for you to wake up."

"Um..."

"Oh, what have you done to your hair? Never mind... You had a friend over last night, didn't you? It appears she's left already... Mei-- Meilin, the bratty one, right? "

Meiling grit her teeth, and didn't care if Sonomi could feel her shoulders tense. She put the bowl down on the balcony railing.

"Or," the older woman reacted to the shoulder tension. "Or is she... Has she become more than a friend?" Daidouji-sama sounded pained, and more than a little worried. "It's okay, Tomoyo, you can tell—"

"WHAT are you TALKING about?" Meiling shouted, red-faced, knocking the bowl of piping-hot soup over the balcony with her elbow as she turned around to face Sonomi. Tomoyo's mom looked more than a little shocked.

A blood-curdling scream followed soon after, with the words 'pain', 'help' and 'aaaahhhh!' resonating from one of Sonomi's bodyguards who was down patrolling the garden when she found herself suddenly covered in skin-melting, reheated chicken soup.

"Oh, go put a band-aid on it!" Sonomi screamed before dragging Meiling into the house and sitting her down on Tomoyo's bed.

"Where did she go?" she barked at Meiling, shaking her by the shoulders. There was no need to ask who 'she' was.

"Don't ask me," Meiling frowned. "I just woke up. I wouldn't know."

As Sonomi took a seat beside the Chinese girl, Meiling stole a glance over at the corner leading into Tomoyo's home theater room. The two halves of the tacky-looking bag and the bunny eraser formerly on the floor were now missing.

'But I could make a very good guess,' she thought to herself, lying down on the bed and positioning herself so that she could see out through the balcony, past the clouds, towards the bright blue sky.

"For luck, Tomoyo-chan," Meiling said out loud with one outstretched pinky in the air.

* * *

**(To Be Continued Sign goes here)**


	11. Across The Universe

Woohoo! And you thought it was never going to happen... I finally updated Anyone Other Than Me!

Yes, I'm sorry it took so long. No, it won't happen again. (honest, there's only 1.5 chapters to go)

And yes, I do think that it was worth it, given how I have had writer's block over this very chapter for, well, over a year now.

All the time in between allowed me to think some aspects of the story out better; for one I now actually have an ending planned, and I'll hope to get it out before another year passes by. I also 'fixed up' a lot of the material in the earlier chapters, most notably aspects of the Sakura-Tomoyo-Meiling relationship in Chapter Five and pretty much all but eliminated the usage of random Japanese words, which, as a fellow writer pointed out, actually distracted more than enhanced the feeling that the whole story is told in Japanese and set in modern-day (well, CCS modern-day) Japan. (thanks Ciuline Ihmenjo! Check out his fan fiction, btw, it's awesome.)

Also, at the time of this writing (but probably not the posting), it's not only Christmas Day, December 25th, 2005... but it's Yukito's birthday! XD I guess that makes him... pretty old. Anyway I really spent as much as I could out of the day polishing up this last chapter... After my finals were over I poured everything I had into it. I wanted desperately to get it out around Christmas time, so in a way it's like my very own present to the CCS fan fiction community, or something like that.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 11  
Across the Universe  
**

Sunday, 2:40 PM

"For luck, Meiling-chan," Tomoyo Daidouji called out to no one in particular. She pushed the doorbell again.

Sakura Kinomoto looked up from her bed to her open closet. The left half of it; the half that she often pretended didn't exist. Costumes of every conceivable color and shape lined that dusty cabinet, most of them worn once – just once, mind you - despite the obvious labor poured into their creation. The Card Captor acknowledged the fourth ring of the doorbell. Probably the last one, too, if she didn't convince herself to hurry down the stairs already.

_I know, Tomoyo. I know. I got your message. I'm coming. Please don't leave. Please._

Finally Sakura followed through on her thoughts and rushed down to open the door. The open closet never left her mind; she almost thought she was ready to confront…

"Tomoyo-chan!"

She was still there. Still on the doorstep, like she had been so many times before. Times when she probably would have been better off giving up and going home. Looking her best friend in the eyes again, Sakura realized that she was foolish to think Tomoyo would have ever left.

"Good morning, Sakura-chan. Sorry for coming on such short notice."

"No, no, no problem at all. Come on in. The brownies should be done in a few minutes."

"Brownies?" Tomoyo asked as she walked into the house and took off her shoes.

"For tomorrow, remember? Three o' clock? Unless of course we finish them all today."

"Oh." Tomoyo pursed her lips, wondering if she should have guessed in advance that Sakura was referring to their little gathering the following day. "Tomorrow. Of course."

She just dodged the chance to laugh at one of Sakura's blink-and-you'll-miss-it jokes. That sent a little shiver down her spine. Maybe she'd stop making them if she stopped laughing at them. But then that was Minnesota all over again. Tomoyo silenced her thoughts with a large, metaphorical cricket bat and made her way to the living room.

Sakura watched from the corner of her eye as Tomoyo sat down on her couch, her hands discreetly resting on her crossed legs. Sakura followed suit, choosing a seat directly across from Tomoyo. Trying to control her breathing, the brown-haired girl envied her friend's courage, her innocence, her calm.

"That's a beautiful dress."

"I'm glad you think so. I wouldn't have wanted you to make me a dress you didn't like," Sakura said with a nervous twitch that was intended to be a cute wink.

Tomoyo blushed. How come she hadn't remembered giving (and making) her _that_? Or _did _she remember? Did she just mislead Sakura into thinking she hadn't got her memory back yet? She tried not to think about it too much.

Her head was beginning to throb again.

Sunday, 2:43 PM

Shaoran Li laid down (or at least tried to, given the limited space he had) in the back seat of the slick sports car, trying to angle the stuffed heart pillow on his head in just the right way to keep the piercing sunlight out of his eyes. He wished that he had the foresight to buy a pair of sunglasses.

"Oi. Driver," Shaoran commanded.

Takashi Yamazaki turned down his radio a little.

"What?"

"Why did you decide not to get your windows tinted?"

Takashi, realizing he had to retaliate against this question before Chiharu Mihara had a chance to one-up him for yet another one of the bad choices he'd made concerning his vehicle of choice, blurted out the very first thing that came into his mind.

"Why did you decide to leave your girlfriend in the middle of a crisis?"

Sunday, 2:47 PM

Sakura curled up her toes and looked her best friend in the eye as she related to her casually just _how cold _Minnesota gets in the winter, and how bearing the cold is all that anyone living there can actually brag about.

For all anyone knew, Sakura thought, Tomoyo might never get her memory back. Maybe that would be easier for her. To start life in Tomoeda anew. Not much easier on Sakura's conscience, no. But then Sakura wasn't sure which would be harder to bear – having a best friend who bolted off after she'd told her the truth, or a best friend who ran the risk of someday learning the truth on her own and disappearing from her life again… and probably forever.

Why tell her? To keep the truth from her would be fair; it would be wiping the slate clean and agreeing to put the past behind them… wouldn't it? Wouldn't it? If ever she learned of it, she could track her down, wipe her memory _again_…

But to let her know, to get it over with, to end all doubts… To let Tomoyo decide for herself where her destiny lies… That's what a true friend would do.

"Tomoyo… There's something I have to tell you."

Sunday, 2:50 PM

Nobody said anything. It wasn't that there was a huge air of expectancy for Shaoran to speak, or even that Chiharu hadn't criticized Takashi, however briefly, for changing the topic _and_ for not wanting to pay a little extra for tint on his (or was it their?) windows. But the silence remained.

It was that silence among best friends that is an ounce short of uncomfortable, a little too concentrated, and lacking about two teaspoons of Subtlety.

"C'mon, man."

"It's nothing important. It's just…"

"Do you love her, Li-kun?" Chiharu interjected, spinning around from her seat and staring straight at Shaoran through her thick sunglasses.

"'Course I love her," he replied calmly, discreetly plucking Chiharu's shades from her eyes and placing them over his.

Shaoran reclined back against the side of the car and stared out the opposite window confidently, in the direction of the Westerning sun.

"It's just… There are some things us guys are better left out of."

Sunday, 2:52 PM

"Back before you left, you and I… Well, you see, for about a whole year of high school we weren't really… um, talking. And then..."

At this point Sakura paused to acknowledge the knowing smile on Tomoyo's face. Then she opened her mouth to continue, but no words came out.

They were stopped by Tomoyo's big blue eyes, which spun around in Sakura's head quite unfairly. Sakura's stomach clenched.

Before the words even came out of the ashen-haired girl's mouth, she could tell.

"I know, Sakura-chan." Tomoyo said with infinite calm. "I remember it all now."

"Oh." Sakura broke her stare.

Tomoyo followed suit – she turned her eyes away shortly afterwards, and kept them on her twiddling fingers. Ten seconds passed. From the corner of her eye she could see Sakura stand up from her chair and move into the kitchen.

Twiddling her fingers even faster, Tomoyo heard Sakura stifle a curse about her burned brownies and ruffled up her skirt as she crossed her legs the other way. This was a transition phase. And soon it would all be over. Before she knew it, everything was going to be all right again, she thought. Meiling's optimism was infectious.

Sakura tried to steady her knife as she cut little squares out of the huge chocolatey mass on the counter. One square for every mistake she made, one square for every time she broke Tomoyo's heart… Thirty-six in all. No, thirty-six wasn't enough. Not hardly.

If Tomoyo was being kind to her now, if she really remembered, if she could sit there like that and smile while saying those words… it was because it hadn't all sank in yet… It was because though the memory of the events came back to her, the emotion hadn't… She was still in denial… Thirty-six squares for thirty-six months of guilt, selfishness and fear.

Sakura took out the tray and set it on a hot plate in the middle of the coffee table. She sat down awkwardly, and glanced up at a quiet Tomoyo once before looking back down at her burnt brownies. It was around this point in time when Sakura realized that Tomoyo had a huge bandage on the top portion of her head. There was a moment of silence.

"So you remember… everything?" Sakura asked, putting sudden visions of Tomoyo hitting the back of her head against the wall all night long to try and shake the memories out of her head far, far aside.

Tomoyo just nodded and tried not to stare. Sakura could tell from her widespread knowledge of head-nodding language that Tomoyo was ready to talk. To talk about anything. If only she felt the same way.

"T-that's great."

Tomoyo picked up a brownie and blew on it. It was scalding her fingers, but she couldn't have just left it there.

"What happened to your head?"

"Meiling and I decided to take a little tumble down the stairs last night," Tomoyo shrugged.

Sakura half-smiled. "Is she okay?"

Tomoyo nodded again, taking a nibble out of the brownie before clearing her windpipe to speak again.

Sakura curled up her toes. She knew from those eyes that her friend had more to say. And she knew what she herself was about to burst into. She could do this.

"I was watching the video she made yesterday," Tomoyo explained. "The one you all tried to send me when I was away. And… and after your message, I blanked out. All of a sudden everything came back to me… and I realized just how silly all of this was… that I lost- we lost three years of our friendship over something like this…"

Sakura couldn't, wouldn't – didn't want to - hold the feeling back, so she just let it course straight through her body… She let herself get lost in her best friend's eyes, like she did so many ages ago.

**(Spinning-card commercial thing goes here)**

_She comes back from the kitchen with a bowl of strawberries and sits down on the couch with me. The TV is annoying. Right now I just want to rest; my eyes hurt, my legs are aching from Club, and for the fourth time in a row I've had to turn down Shaoran's request for lunch. Apparently he's up for a truce._

_I won't tell her that, of course. I don't want to worry her... but more than that, I love her. But maybe that's not why I'm not going to tell her._

_Argh._

_The TV is annoying. I'm starting to hate our favorite show. Soap operas are supposed to help you to put your own life "in perspective", to reinforce how "much worse it could be". Is that how they're supposed to work? 'Coz this one isn't helping. My life is far, far more messed up than this._

_Right now I just wish that part of me could stop wanting to stay._

"_I know how much you love them in honey," she says, reaching over to dip one of her strawberries as an excuse to snuggle up so discreetly next to me. She pinches one of my cheeks._

"_We've got that photography club shoot later; have you got your makeup kit and everything?"_

"_Yeah," I nod. The cheek-pinching should have stopped long ago. Maybe I should never have let it start._

"_You seem tired... Are you okay? I'm sorry if I kept you up last night," she says, then blushes. "On the phone I mean."_

_And of course on the phone. What else could she be thinking of? Sometimes I wonder about the things that go through her head._

_And of course she kept me up, putting so many words in my mouth that way. It's not like I have the right to complain, though, when she's already apologized to me like that at least four times, now can I?_

"_I'm okay."_

_But I'm not. More than anything, I want to ask her to Please Stop Staring At Me._

"_It's just been so long since we talked on the phone like that," she says, wrapping her arms over me and leaning her head on my shoulder. I won't reciprocate. Not today. I don't think she'd really even notice, anyway. _

"_Have I ever told you how cute your voice is? I swear, I could listen to you, just talking, forever..."_

_I don't think she listens to anything anymore except for her own fetishes._

_She snuggles even closer to me and sends me sweet butterfly kisses with her eyelashes. For a moment all the pouting seems childish and here I am, the Bad Guy again, ruining another relationship with my inability to communicate properly. _

_And for a moment she doesn't disgust me._

_Her arms around my shoulders...  
Her breath on my neck...  
Her lips coming back down onto mine..._

"_Tomoyo-chan, I- I think I should be going."_

_I stand up and walk towards the door._

_Please don't follow me. Please. Call me up later and talk to me, but only if you want to listen to me. Or better yet, stop me right now. Tell me you'll listen to me, no matter what I say. Don't say sweet things to me to force me into saying sweeter things to you. Ask me how I really feel. Promise you'll give me some space. Say you understand me. And mean it._

_Say you'll understand if ever the day comes when I want to go back to _**him**

_Thirty paces out of the front door and I look back towards her mansion. Nothing._

_Did I just leave her there to collapse in tears? Did I trap her in her love with my twisted mind game? I am such a bitch. SUCH A BITCH. I should go back and-_

"_Sakura-chan!"_

_I nearly jump out of my skin as I spin around. She is standing outside the gate, somehow, looking through the bars at me in complete confusion. _

_Who's trapped in whose mind game now?_

"_Where are you going?"_

"_I'm going," I begin, but I stop. It is here that I make up my mind._

_If one of us doesn't do something, it will only get worse._

"_I'm going to tell you something... Something you might not know."_

"_Okay."_

_She listens intently. Maybe she's thinking I'm about to whisper a sweet nothing into her cold ear or give her a sloppy kiss goodbye or pinch her cheek like a little doll. Or maybe she knows._

"_Everyone thinks we're crazy..."_

_It's true. Little or no reaction. That tidbit of knowledge doesn't shake anything up within her... So naturally she doesn't see any reason to worry about how it might have affected me. Not that it has or anything. It's just another stupid excuse to help me get to my point. _

"_But nobody knows about us."_

_I continue._

"_Not about '_**US**_' us. But they know enough. They know that you've been taking off your classes just to make me more outfits... That you don't hang out with anyone else anymore... Not even Naoko-chan..."_

_Finally, she begins to see my concern. The seriousness level in my tone of voice jumps exponentially._

"_You know what they've been saying about me... I'm just holding you back. Since you and I, well, you know, I've been really worried about you... I mean, you're the smartest girl in our year, you can't... you can't do this to yourself, Tomoyo-chan."_

_Lies. So many lies. But I do care for her. I do, and as painful as it is for me to say this, the last thing I want is for her is to end up basing her entire life on a nervous little wreck like me. I can't live with the guilt any longer, the guilt of receiving but never giving, the guilt of being captured on hundreds of miles of film and preserved forever while she grows up in my shadows, the guilt of living while she milks her well of pure love dry inside, the guilt of owing her a million gifts I will never be able to give her._

_I study her face, wondering why in the world she is smiling._

"_What?" Tomoyo-chan laughs. "Is that it? That's what's been worrying you all this time? Why you ignored me yesterday?"_

_She leaves me speechless, in the worst kind of way. _

"_Oh, Sakura-chan..." she takes my hands in hers. _

_Mine are cold and lifeless. Hers are massaging them into warmth and submission. My head is downcast._

"_Don't you worry about me," she says, shaking her head and blushing. "I'm perfectly fine... That's so sweet of you, though, honey."_

_I try to pull back but I'm too late. She kisses me. I close my eyes. I enjoy it._

_And as I admit that fact, it comes back to me that this is all my fault. That I came back to her first after our fight. That I hadn't told her what she needed to know outright. That I was just asking her for that kiss. I was asking for that kiss thirty-one days ago, and I was asking for that kiss ever since I was eight years old and looking for a best friend without wondering what that best friend was looking for._

_She can't go on like this._

_We hold the kiss for a little longer than we should. By the time I pull away my mouth is numb and the bars of her gate leave my cheeks a new kind of cold. I mumble a 'goodbye' as she opens the gate and we brush our bodies against one another one last time as I sneak away._

_I have made up my mind again._

_I am going to write to her and tell her the truth._

Sunday, 3:03 PM

Sakura nodded as her friend went on with her regrets, so intent on listening, not wanting to sniffle or wipe away the tears were coming now in torrents. Tomoyo looked back up at her and for the first time in a long time, Sakura saw that she, too, was nervous.

"I'm so sorry, Sakura-chan."

"I'm sorry too," Sakura blubbered out at last.

Tomoyo handed her a handkerchief. Sakura stepped across the coffee table. Tomoyo stood up knowingly. Sakura fell into Tomoyo's arms for a very teary hug, and suddenly everything was back to the way it was in 4th grade. Sakura was the well of earnest emotion deep enough for the both of them, and Tomoyo was the aquifer, guarding the water of harmony that nourished both their fragile souls.

"You're back, you're really back, Tomoyo-chan…"

Tomoyo just smiled and gave her friend and acknowledging pat.

Neither broke the hug for quite some time. Finally Sakura let go of Tomoyo's hair, pulled back from her friend, met her eyes and let her wipe off her tears.

"Come with me; I've gotta show you something."

Tomoyo felt herself being dragged to Sakura's basement door. Her father's old library, where she found the Clow Card book, so many years ago… The door swang open, and the stairs flew by from under her, unseen (yet by miracle or by muscular memory, she didn't stumble over) until Sakura hit a switch halfway down the wall.

At the bottom a faint, swinging yellow light outlined what looked at first like a floating labyrinth of clay and stone. Shadows erupted in chorus around the walls, conducted nimbly by the single bulb in the center of the basement.

As Sakura carefully let go of her hand and the light returned to its home position, Tomoyo realized she was standing at the entrance to the most beautiful sculpting studio she'd ever seen.

Tomoyo moved forward slowly and curiously, her footsteps loud and her breath coming in short spurts. Here was a majestic dried clay Keroberos, noble and life-sized, posing heroically. There was a bust of Sakura's father Fujitaka, half-finished, carved meticulously out of some kind of rock or marble… an appropriate choice, given his profession... behind her there were marionettes of their old classmates in the corner, with a wooden Yue keeping watch over the sanctuary… on a canvas – the only painting in the room - was Nadeshiko Kinomoto, standing alone under a cherry blossom tree whose shadow melted around her hair and face, only further outlining her beauty. And beside her, on a large, paint-covered table, were wooden figurines of Sakura and herself, carved and painted and covered with a coat of varnish.

Leaning over the pair, Tomoyo looked over at Sakura questioningly. The green-eyed girl nodded in approval. Tomoyo picked up her action figure and smiled. She was holding a video camera, intricately detailed to the small chip of glass where the lens should be and the brand name painted on the side.

"Did you make these?" Tomoyo exclaimed more than asked, but in that prim and proper way Tomoyo would always exclaim.

"Oh, I took a few classes," Sakura said sheepishly.

Tomoyo was not convinced.

"It's been my weekend hobby, I guess. All weekend. For three years."

Tomoyo beamed. She shook off the memories spinning around in her head.

"I quit the cheerleading team to join the art club. I wasn't that good at first. I did it because it made me feel passionate."

Tomoyo drew her eyes from the figure and looked up at Sakura. She had heard that phrase before.

Sakura shrugged. "You are what you love, not what loves you." She picked up her own figurine and studied it.

"That's a beautiful quote," Tomoyo blushed.

"Shaoran wanted me to tell you that. He said he heard it in a movie he saw the other day."

"But… but he told me he saw an alien movie about bell peppers invading the planet."

"Maybe he was too scared to tell you back then."

Both girls shrugged.

Sakura put down her figurine and leaned on the opposite end of the table, facing another one of her sculptures on the shelf. "All it takes is a little practice..."

Sakura studied Tomoyo's face closely from the corner of her eye.

Tomoyo wondered why this all seemed so familiar.

"I think that one" – she pointed at Tomoyo's figurine – "turned out the best out of anything I've ever made. No, really. I'm serious. It was the first one I began working on, and I only just finished it yesterday. I think it's because I captured the way you make me feel."

Tomoyo half-smiled.

Sakura could tell that she remembered. Five years of so much pain and confusion in between, and yet she remembered.

"And that it was for someone I really loved," Sakura added. She was making herself nervous again, despite the serene, loving, way Tomoyo took in her words.

"And I was inspired. In more ways than one," Sakura continued. "and one of them pretty recently."

Tomoyo arched her eyebrows in curiosity.

"When you came back to Tomoeda, you made me want to become a better person," Sakura said.

"Oh, Sakura-chan..."

Tomoyo smiled, then moved forward, then faltered, then felt her focus fading from her. She looked up to Sakura, then put her hand on the table to support herself. Spots appeared in front of her eyes.

Sakura lunged towards her. Tomoyo leaned forward and vomited on the floor before her hands slipped down the length of the table. She thrashed about involuntarily and uncontrollably, groaning, moaning, knocking Sakura on her back. The last thing Tomoyo remembered before fainting was using the last of her strength to place the figurine Sakura made of her back on the work table in one piece.

**(Another spinning-card commercial thing goes here)**

Sunday, 10:01 PM

Meiling Li sat down on her bed with an unusual calm. She sang to herself in a tone that would have killed any tiny animals within a 20-foot radius.

_"My bags are packed, I'm ready to go... I'm standin' here outside her door... I'd hate to break you up to say goodbye..."_

Meiling wondered if her singing was what kept the place rodent-free. But intolerable vocal tones aside, things were okay now. At the end of the day, it was always a happy ending for all of the above. And then after not being invited to the party, she would go back home alone. Calling it her home was a joke, though. It was a home only in the sense that she lived there.

_"But the dusk has broken, it's time to go, my butler's waiting, he's honking the horn... Already I'm so lonesome I could die..."_

But maybe it was time to make it her home for good. A relationship with Shaoran was pretty much out of the question now. Somehow that French kiss was the straw that broke the camel's back. Another misguided attempt at failure would just be pathetic. Maybe Shaoran wouldn't think so, but she would. She would know so. Maybe this – all of this – Tomoyo coming back to Kinomoto-san, Shaoran taking off on a vacation – was supposed to be a wake-up call for her. It was a sign that she had to stop putting off living a life of her own for all these years. That she should get out there and, like so many other rich young Asian ladies, find herself a job, a place to live and, perhaps most importantly, a man.

_"So kiss me, and smile for me, tell me that you'll wait for me, hold me like you'll never let me go..."_

And then there was another problem - she had never thought about that. She had never thought about having to go out and find someone for herself, let alone _make herself_ want someone. To actually _want_ to get out there, on her own, and start her own life? She thought she would have felt free the day that she was rejected by Shaoran. Granted, she wasn't really rejected as much as ejected – and she made it tantamount to note that she had pretty much ejected _herself_ from the house – at 50 miles an hour, no less. And she still hadn't apologized to Wei for making him search for and worry about her until she arrived pretty much out of nowhere that afternoon.

"'_Coz I'm leaving on a jet plane, I don't know when I'll be back again... Oh, babe, I hate to go..."_

But then there was Tomoyo. Why did she keep looking at her damn cell phone, as if she could manipulate her Daidouji-san into calling her up through the power of her mind?

Hey, it was natural, though, to want to say good-bye to your friends. And for a second, Meiling wished she could take Tomoyo with her. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. She could teach her Cantonese. They could go bar-hopping and get an apartment and go shopping and do all the things that rich girls do…

"_There's so many times I've let you down, so many times I've played around… I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing..."_

But no. She had revealed too much of herself to her, and too fast. She was a freak. She didn't know how to listen. She was on medication 24/7. She wanted to steal her cousin from his girlfriend and marry him. Those sort of things. Tomoyo was nice to her, and they had some good times, but Tomoyo Daidouji was back to normal now whereas Meiling Li would be as she always was - the odd one out. And the day would come when Tomoyo'd get sick of her, when she'd just be another stranger who was fun to hang around with in small doses but not worth the effort to put up with on a daily basis.

"_Every place I go, I think of you, every song I sing, I sing for you..._

_When I come back, I'll wear your wedding ring."_

There was a solution to that, maybe. Kidnap Tomoyo, hypnotize her again, convince her she was her best friend and they grew up together… _that_ sort of thing. But then she'd be as bad as Tomoyo's mom. At least it would give Kinomoto-san a reason to pick a fight with her. But even that didn't sound like much fun anymore.

Besides, Kinomoto-san would probably win.

Either way, all of this was taking her down a very counterproductive train of thought.

"Meiling, I'm afraid we really have to get going."

Meiling didn't even hear Wei's footsteps as he approached the room. She turned around and hid her face from the light that seeped in through the hallway, trying not to frown even as she raised her voice.

"I'll be down in a minute," she said. He didn't leave. She took a second to eye a wrapped gift he was carrying under his arm and dismiss it idly before turning her gaze swiftly outside her window, in the general direction of nothingness.

"You're going to miss your flight."

Gifts, gifts, gifts. Things your friends and family give to you to show you how much they love you. Meiling didn't think she deserved them. She didn't even particularly want them anymore, for all the guilt they caused her. She spoke her next words coldly.

"I have_ three hours_. Please, give me some time alone."

But Meiling had all day alone. She guessed that wasn't long enough. And he was right, though she would never have admitted it. The airport was going to be packed and there was a long way to go. They had to leave now. She turned her eyes back down to her zori slippers.

Wei left the doorway in silence. And though her whining helped gain another few minutes of solitude, the black-haired girl he was worrying about didn't feel satisfied one bit.

One more thought passed through Meiling's mind as she gathered her things up twenty seconds later. It came in through one ear, touched a couple neurons in her brain, then faded out of the other one and died. If she had been a lesser person, she probably would have acted on it - another pathetic attempt to get attention.

But there would be no point in going about thrashing around her room the way Tomoyo did. Nobody would barge in on her, or ask her to stop, or anything. Nobody would care.

She grabbed her things and stormed out the door.

Nobody would care. It was time she accepted that.

Sunday, 11:39 PM

"Tomoyo-chan! Tomoyo-chan, you're awake! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry… It was those burned brownies, wasn't it? Augh, I should have known; I made some for Shaoran last week and he said he liked them, but then when I turned my back he ran out of the house crying… I'll never make brownies again, ever! No, not ever! NEVER!"

What had happened? Tomoyo could barely remember anything more than images, concepts. Vomiting and fainting. Being sponged down. Dressed and put into bed. Given medication. Then it all came together. She opened her eyes wider.

"No, Sakura-chan… Your brownies were fine. The doctor told me something like this would happen if ever I got all my memories back. And what… what exactly happened, anyway?"

Tomoyo sat up in her bed. A face towel fell off of her forehead and onto her lap. She felt drugged. She was dressed up in Sakura's pajamas, with no underwear on, with Sakura practically leaning over her in an identical pair of pajamas, with no underwear on either, as far as she cared to tell. The air was tight, the lights were dimmed and the rain was falling softly enough outside of the window. The only thing that was missing was soothing jazz music.

With a feeling of immense relief, Tomoyo Daidouji realized that the part of her that would have been aroused by this kind of situation had shown no trace of itself.

"Well, first you threw up, then you fell on the floor… Then you cried out loud that your head was on fire, and then you, well… It wasn't pretty," Sakura managed to blurt out before it occurred to herself to shut up.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that." Sakura squeezed Tomoyo's cheek. "You're just lucky I have a little first aid kit and book handy. Not to mention I took a couple nursing classes. Anyway, it's almost midnight. You'd better get some rest."

"I had a strange dream," Tomoyo said. "I don't think I'll be able to get back to sleep anytime soon."

Sakura held her hand. "You don't want to try and continue it?"

"I don't think I do. Besides, that rarely works…"

Tomoyo drew her head down. Sakura held her stare. Tomoyo looked back up at her. She _had _changed. Changed so much.

"You've grown so well, Sakura-chan," she continued. "You grew into the girl I thought I would be," Tomoyo said. "A true friend, a real artist, a good daughter."

"You too." Sakura said, aware that Tomoyo's ranting was caused in part by the painkillers she'd given her for the huge gash along the length of her arm.

"Oh, you don't have to lie to me. My fault was that I always idealized you. You being stronger than I was, you know. I always wanted to be like you, so I could be strong... and smart and perfect too, all at the same time. But I got to be neither of those, and that was what depressed me. Still, I like to think that my dream has come true through you; you're strong and smart and perfect and everything I wished I was... and you're happy."

Sakura frowned, pouring a glass of water from her bedside table. "You should take some credit for yourself, Tomoyo-chan. You're all of those things. Plus you helped make me into who I am today. And now you're back home with us… For good, right?"

"For good," Tomoyo said convincingly.

It was a stupid question, Sakura thought as she handed Tomoyo the glass of water. But it was worth asking. There are no truly stupid questions between friends, anyway. The two shared a moment of silence to appreciate the raindrops.

"I should call Meiling-chan," Tomoyo said before she thought about why.

"Meiling-chan?"

"She doesn't know where I've gone," Tomoyo said after a pause. "Besides, she's leaving tomorrow and I don't want to miss seeing her off or anything. I hope she's okay after what happened with Shaoran... Oh no… wait… did you know about that?"

Sakura nodded.

Tomoyo heaved a sigh of relief.

Sakura turned away to look at the faint lights outside her window and smiled.

"You care for her."

"Of course I do. If it weren't for her I wouldn't even be here today."

"You love her."

"Yeah. I do."

Sakura turned and looked Tomoyo right between the eyes.

"No, you _love _her."

Tomoyo gagged on her water.

"It's okay, Tomoyo-chan, I think she loves you too."

Tomoyo was exasperated, dumbfounded and shocked. And she was blushing. She shrunk back.

"I'm sorry," Sakura muttered, scratching the back of her head and distancing herself a little. "I… I shouldn't have said that. I don't know what-"

Tomoyo pouted an 'it's all right', and shook her head softly.

"Meiling-chan and I are like sisters," she said, in a tone that she realized made her words sound as if she didn't believe them. Apparently, Sakura didn't notice her insecurity. But Tomoyo's eyebrows arched in worry, and her lips pursed tight. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

"What did you mean, anyway?" Tomoyo whispered.

"Well, you used to say I was the only one who could make you smile… I think maybe I… I just don't think it's me anymore."

Tomoyo frowned a little.

"I... I don't know, I don't think---"

"It's okay," Sakura interrupted. "You're going to be all right…"

_"Both of you,"_ Tomoyo finished the sentence in her head.

"Heh. So… um… want some more of my brownies?"

Before Tomoyo had a time to think about how to begin to anticipate reacting to that, there was a…

THUD.

Tomoyo jumped, spilling what was left of her water all over her sheets. Sakura fell off the bed.

THUD. THUD. THUD THUD THUD THUDTHUDTHUDTHUD.

"All right, all right, I'm coming," Sakura called out, walking up to her window and opening it up to let in a drenched, shivering, crying Kero-chan.

Crying? Yes, he was bawling tears fatter than the raindrops dripping down his face. Kero-chan zipped into the room and landed into his drawer faster than Sakura could ask him...

"What's wrong, Kero-chan? Kero-chan?"

Sakura drew open his drawer. Kero pulled it back shut. Tomoyo, concerned, sat up from the bed. There was a long and awkward silence.

"I... I got a little kid in trouble..."

"Oh, Kero-chan," Sakura began, but an unusually loud sob from Kero stopped her mid-sentence.

"No, no, you don't understand! How can you say that? How can you say it wasn't my fault?"

"I... I didn't say any—"

"Waaaaaaaahhhhhhh... I told you to stop it!"

Sakura drew back and glanced at Tomoyo, puzzled. Tomoyo recognized her cue. She cleared her throat and spoke in her silkiest, most soothing voice.

"Would you like to tell us what happened, Kero-chan?"

Kero popped open his little drawer dwelling and shot his eyes towards Tomoyo before turning away from the two again. He gasped and gulped and garbled, and finally sat himself down quietly in his bed. Sakura and Tomoyo both crowded around the secret lodging, and in between their shadows a single spotlight found its way down to the back of Kero's wet, smelly, orange head, and his huge drooping ears.

At long last he spoke.

"I went out tonight to find that new videogame, you know, Death Fighter VIII…"

The two ladies nodded in understanding. Kero turned towards the light, his puffy eyes half-open.

"…and… and there I was in the store, and I realized there was no way I was going to pay for it… I mean, I couldn't, you know, and I didn't – and I wasn't going to leave without it, 'coz it took me like two whole hours of flying around looking for a place where it wasn't sold out. Really, what was I supposed to do in that situation, I mean…"

Another tear ran down his rotund visage. He wiped it off and studied Sakura's face.

"Anyway, there was this kid, this… sweet child. She looked just like you did when we first met… come to think of it, she was a total mess."

Kero didn't notice Sakura's frown. He was too busy trying to keep his composure.

"But she had this huge bag strapped to her back…and it was open…"

Tomoyo covered up a gasp. Sakura's jaw dropped.

"I took the game and flew into her bag," Kero muttered, turning away. "And now I know what those huge beeping pillar things beside the doors are for. It was horrible. Horrible. Her mother was so angry. She thought her daughter had stolen not only the violent bloody videogame, but me, from the toy store earlier… that girl, that sweet girl, she had no idea what was going on, so she didn't know what to say… and after the cops let them off with a warning, I got put in a plastic bag and dropped off at the huge toy store… and the mother, oh, the _mother… _she made her daughter apologize to the staff and told her she wasn't going to get to have any cake that night! No cake… NO CAKE!"

Kero rolled himself up in his blanket and cried into it. Sakura sweatdropped. Tomoyo poured some more water into her glass and placed it down inside Kero's drawer for him to re-hydrate himself with later.

"They brought me to the stuffed toy section. The two guys were arguing about where to put me under, jungle animals or angels… they were just fighting and slapping and fighting and then all of a sudden… that guy who comes to pick up Shaoran when he's drunk-"

"Wei-san!" Sakura beamed.

"Uh, yeah, him. He came around the corner and asked them where their toy birds were… and they just put me down on the top of the shelf and started arguing about where the stuffed birds were and then that Wei guy said he was in a hurry 'coz he had to drop someone off at the airport by midnight and then-"

"MIDNIGHT?" Both women exclaimed at once. They turned to look at one another.

Kero almost fell over in shock.

"Meiling," Tomoyo said out loud.

"Hey, hey! I'm not through with my story yet! Is anyone listening to me?" Kero cried shrilly.

But Tomoyo and Sakura's eyes were on the little digital clock atop the table in front of the mirror.

_11:58 PM._

She didn't even get to say goodbye.

Something in Tomoyo's stomach shrunk. She didn't quite know what it was, except that she was sure that it wasn't just another memory loss side effect.

_I didn't even get to say **goodbye**_.

It didn't feel right. Not one bit. Tomoyo bit part of her fist in her mouth and shut everything else out of her mind.

_Why hadn't she called? Why hadn't she told her?_

"Her phone's dead," Sakura said, cutting into her friend's thoughts and putting away her cell phone. Tomoyo nodded quietly. She looked up at her friend.

"Sakura-chan… we have to find her."

* * *

Yup, that sure was long, wasn't it? But I hope it didn't disappoint... If you've gotten this far, pat yourself on the back, and don't forget to leave a review! It's good for you and good for me! XD**  
**

**(To Be Continued sign goes here)**


	12. I'm Lost Without You

**Chapter 12  
I'm Lost Without You, or: ****The Dream Is Over (Or Has It Just Begun?)**

A/N: Yes, I know, it's been seven years – maybe seven years too late and very likely no one remembers this story… I didn't mean to abandon it, but life got in the way, so to speak. I went to college to study filmmaking, graduated, worked some terrible jobs, left Los Angeles, and am now working as a shepherd. Go figure. I'm currently in the middle of e-publishing my first original novel and am very excited. However, I recently decided that even though this fic is filled with grammatical errors and OOC moments, everyone who kept reading on so loyally and left me such wonderful reviews deserves an ending, and it's high time that I finish telling the story I started eight years ago! I apologize to everyone for making you wait so long!

*bows* Enjoy!

* * *

_I run like mad through the wind and rain, but nothing is going to stop me. The main street leading to the freeway has been closed down for construction. That would be my only hope to catch up to Tomoyo's car. They must be heading through the detour right this minute… if I could just make it through…_

_Halfway through the closed intersection, my heart sinks. Her car turns the corner fifty feet away and I can't stop myself from yelling out to her, even though I'm practically choking for air, having run for a good fifteen minutes._

"_Daidouji-san! What the hell do you think you're doing?"_

_I run and wave and holler, but the brake lights disappear into the distance. Shivering, I collapse to my knees in between two traffic cones. This was hardly fair._

_Suddenly there's another pair of headlights coming from the same direction. I squint my eyes closed. The car stops._

"_Li Meirin?" Sonomi Daidouji's voice calls out from the passenger seat._

_I stand up, trying to compose myself in front of the multi-millionaire._

"_Daidouji-sama?"_

"_Get in the car."_

_Sopping wet, I can't protest. I open the door and hesitate when I see the clean leather seats._

"_Forget the seat," Sonomi says, exasperated. "You want to see her off, right?"_

"_Idiot, hurry up!"_

_I glance at the back seat. Shaoran is there, as are Naoko-san, Rika-san and Chiharu-san, all squeezed in like sardines._

_Shaoran takes off his jacket and lays it down on the seat. My cheeks get all puffy as I slide in. I'm indignant, but grateful that they saved me the best spot._

"_It's because we didn't want you to get the rest of us wet," Naoko jests, trying to be lighthearted._

_It's difficult for anyone to so much as feign happiness. It seems that all of us, possibly even Sonomi, are terribly confused as to what's happening._

_I can't help but ask as we board the ramp taking us to the freeway._

"_Where is she going?"_

_Sonomi gives me a stern look._

"_She wouldn't want me to tell you the specifics, but she'll be somewhere safe. I'll be going with, in order to help her get settled in."_

_Naoko looks unbearably sad._

"_She'll be coming back soon though, right?"_

_Sonomi doesn't answer. She lights up a cigarette and cracks the window._

_Not a word more is spoken until Sonomi drives up to the terminal's loading zone and we get out. One of her bodyguards rushes up to take the wheel and drives off with the car, presumably to circle the terminal._

_There are thousands of people bustling about. I look around for Tomoyo. Sonomi tries calling. She won't answer. A bodyguard tells her that Tomoyo practically demanded for some time alone before her mother arrived. Sonomi yells at the uniformed woman in a fury, and her hand looks ready to strike._

"_Do you realize how vulnerable she is right now? As of now you're fired, and I'm going to cut this month's salary if you don't find her in five minutes. I've been trying to round up all her friends, and she's still two hours early for our flight! Didn't I tell you not to let her out of your sight until I got here?"_

_I've never seen her so fierce._

_I disregard this drama and lead the others into the terminal. We're so damn worried, nobody objects to my leading the hunt._

"_Sasaki-san! Mihara-san! You two try the check-in stations and bathrooms!"_

_Shaoran and Naoko look just as eager. "Shaoran, you search the food court. Yanagisawa-san, try the gift shops and common areas. I'll head to the security checkpoint!"_

_There's no way this is happening. Our Tomoyo can't just leave. Not like this. There had to be something wrong. The friend I knew and loved, who listened to my ranting, who wiped away my tears… the one I could talk to about anything… the one who would never judge me…_

_I froze in my steps. There she was, in line for the security checkpoint, her head downcast, that brilliant mind of hers lost deep in some agonizing thought._

"_Tomoyo!"_

_It takes her a second or so to react, but her eyes widen up. I realize that I've never called her by her first name before, and never raised my voice at her. There's a first time for everything. She turns to me curiously as I run up to the queue._

"_Tomoyo-chan, where are you going? What happened between you and- "_

"_Shh," she says softly but sternly. "Don't say her name, please."_

_A million things come out of my mouth at once. This is so unlike you. I don't understand any of this. Let's talk about this. Please don't go. Everyone is here to see you off. We're going to miss you so much if you leave. Don't go. Don't leave us._

_Don't leave me._

_Her features, normally soft and loving, are hard as a rock. Every facial muscle is tensed. I know the feeling, all too well. That rock-hard façade of hers is reaching its limit. Until this moment, I didn't know she even had a limit. It seemed impossible, and watching her suffer like this – and not knowing the right words to say, not knowing how I can help her... I'd never felt so helpless, or so pathetic. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I've fought giant mythical beasts from otherworldly dimensions, but nothing has ever shaken me to the core like seeing Tomoyo's helpless expression for the first time that day._

"_Tomo-chan, you don't have to keep anything from me, it's okay. I'm here to listen, you know? I can help you. Just delay your flight for a few hours, please."_

_Now, it seems, she really sees me. She seems to have just realized that I'm soaking wet. There's pity in her eyes - the eyes of someone who is has made up their mind and is only working damage control. My pleas are falling on deaf ears._

"_I'm so sorry. There are three connecting flights after this one, there's simply no way… I have to go, Li-san. Please try and understand - this has nothing to do with you. I will always treasure our friendship. And I'm very happy to have known you."_

_The finality of her statement does nothing but enrage me._

"_How can you say things like that so calmly? You're talking like I'll never see you again! There's no way you can just pretend like you're going to disappear without a trace! Now that I'm here, you… you don't really think that I'm gonna let you up and leave, do you?"_

_I'm crying now. I don't care that everyone is looking at us. I follow Tomoyo as she moves forward down the line. We're almost at the scanner._

_Tomoyo Daidouji holds her head low and breathes deeply. Trying to keep the tears inside._

"_Please don't think that I haven't thought about this for a long time. That I haven't looked at it from every point of view, from every angle. Please don't think that I don't care about you, or Li-kun, or…"_

_At this Tomoyo stopped mid-sentence. I didn't need to ask her why._

_Shaking, she drops her bag, and hurriedly picks it back up._

"_Please don't be angry at me," she says. "I know this is very sudden, and I'm sorry, and—"_

"_Stop apologizing!"_

_I toss myself onto her in a warm embrace. Well, warm for me. She's going to have to visit the dryer in the bathroom after this._

_Without words, I show her that I don't begrudge her anything._

_Without words, she shows me that she understands._

_We hold each other for a long time._

_God, her hair always smells so good. I'll miss that smell._

_I take her hand as we break our hug. She's motioning to pull away. People are going ahead of her in line._

"_At least say goodbye to our friends," I told her._

_Tomoyo Daidouji shook her head softly._

"_I know you'll be okay, but I don't want them to see me like this. Goodbye, Meiling."_

_I'm shaking, shivering down to my feet from the cold and the nerves._

_I'm not letting go of her. The tears in her eyes are starting to leak out._

"_Li-san, please. This is hard for me too."_

_Quietly, I let go of her hand. She glances at me, then over my shoulder._

_I spin around, just for a split-second._

_Everyone is closing in. Shaoran. Sonomi and her bodyguards. Naoko, Rika, Chiharu._

"_Tomoyo-chan!"_

_Fujitaka-san's voice. Over my other shoulder. He, Touya and Yukito are rushing towards the queue._

_I expect her to run, to run as fast as she can. That's what I would have done._

_But no. Not Miss Daidouji. She bravely turns to face them, her long wavy locks swishing away to reveal a kind smile._

_She discreetly wipes away the tears, then politely waves goodbye to everyone._

_The crowd gathers around, and Tomoyo executes a formal bow._

"_Thank you everyone for coming to see me off. I am very touched. I'm sorry that I'm leaving on such short notice. Please take care."_

_She turns back around towards the checkpoint and walks away from the well-wishes, the tears, the stunned expressions._

_And I can't take my eyes off her._

_Even now, she's being so strong. So brave, so regal, so ladylike, so composed._

_How can she hold all that in?_

_Escorted by airport security, Sonomi Daidouji and two of her bodyguards bypass the line to join Tomoyo._

_And still, Tomoyo doesn't look back. She takes her shoes off, puts her bag in the scanner, steps through, picks up her things and promptly turns the corner._

_The crowd exhales a collective sigh._

_And then we just stand there, dumbfounded._

_Someone suggests going out for some food._

_For once, I have nothing to say._

"_Yo."_

_It's Shaoran. His hand on my shoulder brings me back to reality. I collapse into his embrace, and only then do I realize I've been speechlessly staring off into nothing for five minutes. I hadn't even noticed that he draped his jacket over me._

"_She's gone. She's really gone," I say through tears._

"_Come on," he says, and takes my arm in his._

Monday, 12:01 AM

"Let's do this!" Sakura yelled, huffing and puffing as she frantically ran about her room. She slipped into one of her old outfits, re-shuffled the Sakura cards, and clenched the Key of the Seal pendant around her neck, long out of use.

For a moment Tomoyo had to catch her breath as she admired how well Sakura fit into one of the last outfits she had ever made for her. It was a pink and black dress with sleek black leggings and matching tennis pumps, and she looked wonderful in it.

"You're sure about this?" Tomoyo said worriedly, woozily climbing out of bed and tossing on two of her best friend's jackets and a poncho, in which she stowed her purse and passport, for good measure. Just a minute ago she had been gung-ho about tracking down Meiling, but Sakura's suggestion of flying to the airport on her Star Wand was unnerving.

"It's time to do what should have been done years ago!" yelled Sakura.

"Is your magic even strong enough to use the cards?"

"The Cardcaptor should have no problem at all!" Kero-chan interjected, switching on the blow dryer and practically rolling around in front of it. But Sakura just paced back and forth.

"Hoe… I'm not too worried… It's been almost a year since there've been any magical disturbances around here, but I think I can do it! I took a good nap today."

Tomoyo furrowed her brow.

"Sakura-chan, Hong Kong is only a few hours away, you know… I could take a morning flight."

Keroberos laughed.

"Don't be silly! We don't know what her aunt has planned for her. For all we know, she's going to be married off to some Chinese businessman like a slice of leftover Christmas cake!"

He'd intended it as a joke, but both Sakura and Tomoyo were deeply saddened by this very real possibility.

"Plus, where's your sense of romance and adventure?"

Sakura finally nodded to Kero, who was currently shoving a myriad of body parts into the blow dryer, having suspended it via power cable against one of her cabinet handles.

She cleared her throat.

"O key that conceals the power of my star, reveal your true nature to me! By my power I command you! RELEASE!"

A gust of magical wind and multiple flashes of blinding light filled the room as the Key of the Seal grew to its regular size.

"Yowch!"

Both girls spun their head around at an unruly noise that sounded very much like a screeching demon being strangled by an army of unruly cats. It seemed that the sheer power of Sakura's pent-up magic being released had caused a massive electrical surge that gave Kero quite a shock and had him bobbing up and down in horrific agony. Tomoyo raced over to the wall and unplugged the blow dryer.

"Kero-chan!" they called out simultaneously.

Poor Kero collapsed in Tomoyo's open hand, giving both of them quite a static shock.

Shaking himself awake, Kero forced a grin. Every hair on his body was standing on-end.

"I'm okay! Let's go catch the brat!"

Sakura heaved a sigh of relief.

"See? This has already turned into an adventure! It's been a while since I took 'Fly' out for a spin!" Sakura said with a smile, hopping on top of the Star Wand like a mischievous witch on a broomstick. The pitter-patter of the rain against the window turned into a full-on symphony as Sakura pulled the shutter open.

Tomoyo put on a nearby pair of slippers and nervously approached.

"Please be careful, Sakura-chan. I don't want you to catch cold. Maybe you should put on a poncho…"

Sakura shook her head no as the wind rushed in and tousled her hair.

"You made this outfit waterproof for me, remember?"

Tomoyo's concerned expression melted into a cautious smile.

"Don't act like you don't remember how fun this is," Sakura laughed.

With an inaudible gulp, Tomoyo saddled up and gripped onto her friend tightly. The wings behind her unfolded, and with a sudden flap they were soaring up, up through the window and into the cold night sky.

It was a wonderful sensation – interrupted when Sakura almost flew straight into a large antenna.

"There's really nothing to be worried about – I've gotten a lot more powerful since you left! I can activate the cards by thought now," Sakura said.

"Don't get too cocky!" Kero huffed, beating his tiny wings to catch up.

Tomoyo looked down at Tomoeda as it faded away in the distance, then across the highway towards the direction of the airport. She hoped only that Meiling hadn't yet left Japan…

Monday, 12:16 AM

Meiling Li grit her teeth as she passed through the security checkpoint, willing herself to not turn around, willing away that small hope that a certain someone, a certain long-haired, beautiful someone might run up to her, might ask her to stop, might beg her to stay.

There were a myriad of reasons why nothing that stupid could happen. For one, she hadn't made a scene like Tomoyo did all those years ago.

Secondly, no one knew she was leaving the country. As far as anyone else was concerned, she was holed up at the mansion and not seeing visitors. Third, those kinds of fantasies were best left to soap operas.

Lastly and most importantly, she was now an adult. Being an adult in the Li clan meant keeping your mouth shut when all you wanted to do was shout out at the top of your lungs. It meant rigorous self-discipline in every aspect of one's life.

Before Meiling knew it, she had passed through the security inspection, traveled down the escalator and was standing in front of the tram that ferried passengers to their respective gates. A pair of headphones wrapped around her head and kept her ears nice and warm.

The airport was quieter than usual, with only a few bored-looking businessmen and women waiting for the tram at the landing. Most of the other International passengers had gone to the other side of the terminal.

She let the group go ahead of her, and sat down on a bench on the other side of the landing, which offered an amazing view of the rain-soaked runway and its lights, which appeared from the distorted window to be flickering like dancing fireflies.

A sigh escaped her lips. She didn't want to leave, not really.

Meiling put Radiohead's 'Pablo Honey' album on shuffle, rested her feet up on the railing and closed her eyes.

Monday, 12:30 AM

Sakura and Tomoyo both pushed their noses up against the glass overlooking the huge terminal entrance. The big board up in the center of the room was evidently not big enough, especially not with the glass being as wet and foggy as it was.

"I'm pretty sure it says 37!" Sakura huffed, shivering in the cold.

"It – it doesn't look like it to me…" Tomoyo sighed.

"Gate 22! Twenty-two!" Kero finally yelled, rushing up from below.

"Are you sure?" Sakura asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Absolutely positive!" Kero beamed.

**(Spinning-card commercial thing goes here)**

Monday, 12:25 AM

As if taking part in some dark ritual, the passengers began filing through the gate and into the Airbus A300 like zombies.

Head downcast, Meiling Li moved through the procession like a tree sloth. The flight attendants greeted her in Cantonese. One of them looked like her aunt, and it gave Meiling a stomachache.

Thankfully, the seat next to her was unoccupied. A plus for passengers on the red-eye, she supposed.

Meiling thought of the one person she wanted to be there. Tomoyo Daidouji. The one person with whom she had planned so many escapades, and who helped her understand that the affection she had for Shaoran was needed elsewhere; that she needed to learn to love herself first and foremost. Good friends were rare, and lifelong friends with whom you could share your most intimate secrets and moments of sadness were one in seven billion. Deep down, though, somewhere along the line, she had let herself wonder a little too intensely… what if Tomoyo could be something more than a friend to her? They had a lot in common, and they had made a good team, for starters. What if they both worked together, to say, start a clothing company? Tomoyo could design, and maybe she could model…

Ugh. Here she was, being selfish again. She had a good friend, and asking for more than anyone was willing to give was what had gotten her stuck and lonely in the first place. Still, the yearning pulled at her, a blind hope for some sort of acknowledgment of the tender moments they shared.

'No,' she firmly stated, halting this tug-of-war inside herself. 'Stop fantasizing. You're too old for this sort of thing. It's time to take what I can get and start from the ground-up. We are born alone, we go through this life alone, and we die alone.'

It was the dark voices, the ones that told her she was unwanted, pathetic and meaningless. They were urging her to suppress her feelings, lest she overdo it on her medication again. There was a light inside that egged her on. If only she could get an answer as to the intentions of Tomoyo's heart… no, her impossibly talented, ashen-haired, blue-eyed angel couldn't have felt the same way. Or could she? Maybe she would never know, and maybe it was better this way.

_At least I won't be hurting anyone this way. Maybe she'll be angry that I didn't say goodbye. Then maybe she'll know to stay away from an insecure nutcase like me_. _See, I'm doing her a service._

Meiling was sick of all this thought. It was self-inflicted torture.

She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs.

Monday, 12:34 AM

Just on cue, the Airbus' twin turbine engines revved up as into standby mode as the taxi vehicle drove it down the runway. On its exterior, the _China Airlines_logo was impossible to miss.

Sakura and Tomoyo watched helplessly as the plane was being pulled across the rain-soaked airstrip. Using The Shadow to conceal their location, they were currently hovering underneath one of the jet bridges halfway down the main runway with a clear view of the Airbus' path. It had taken them a few minutes to identify the proper aircraft.

"We're too late," Tomoyo said, quivering. "I- I- I'm sorry,"

"I refuse to give up!" Sakura yelled. "We're getting you on that plane! We just have to wait for it to accelerate, and I'll ride its jet stream…"

Kero-chan wrung his head.

"Yo, Sakura! You're crazy!"

"I'm glad you're always here to help," she quipped back. "Thanks for believing in me, Kero."

"You know I got your back," he laughed. "Just don't overdo it. Even Clow Reed had his limits, and they weren't 100 tons of metal coming at him at over a hundred miles an hour!"

But Sakura Kinomoto merely closed her eyes, focusing her powers. Tomoyo knew her friend all too well, and nothing she could say would stop her.

She was coming up with a plan.

As the plane began to speed up, Sakura simply pumped her feet on the ground, preparing for a takeoff of her own. Kero was yelling. Tomoyo's heart boomed through her chest.

"The Silent, give me focus!" Sakura called as she held out the card, hushing the deafening sound of the jets. With no distractions, she felt everything line up at the perfect moment.

At last, Sakura Kinomoto kicked off the ground and sped towards the advancing aircraft.

"Sakura, what are you doing?!" Kero cried as she hurled headlong into certain death, his voice all but swallowed by the void. He winced as a blinding light emanated from the Card Captor.

"Shield!" Sakura cried, and the Shield card activated just as she fell in step behind the turbine engines, saving them from a certain roasting. She grabbed Tomoyo's hand.

"Tomoyo-chan, I'm going to use the 'Through' card! As soon as you're in the plane, you have to let go! Do you hear me?"

Tomoyo Daidouji nodded, terrified but inspired by the possibility that this might actually work.

"I don't know how to thank you, Sakura," she began.

"You can start by telling Meiling how you really feel!" she called. "Take a chance on love again! Ready?"

"Yes! Yes, I'm ready!" Tomoyo screamed for all she was worth.

"Through!" she called out, and the card bestowed upon Sakura and anyone she might have been touching the power to travel through solid walls.

The Card Captor expertly whipped up and over the plane, dangling Tomoyo by the hand. Like the most confidently executed cheerleading maneuver in the world, she dipped her arm into the plane and let go, before flipping over to the other side, getting blasted by the jet stream of the opposite turbine and spinning out into the air. The Silent's effect wore off, and Sakura was blown like a leaf across the strip.

Keroberos leapt across the airfield, catching Sakura on his gentle back. Before the tower could train a spotlight on him, he leapt high across the airfield, bounced off the perimeter wall and flew over and under the city until he was well into the next prefecture.

The Card Captor turned and looked back at the fading aircraft.

"We… made it, didn't we, Kero-chan?"

"You really did, you crazy girl! That was the most incredible thing I've seen in years. We're going home now. So please, rest up. You've used a lot of magic in a very short period of time."

"Maybe it's time we get into the crime-fighting business," Sakura mumbled with a tired smirk.

"Eh?" Kero reacted, before wondering if he should just pretend he didn't hear anything. Then he chastised himself for his apparent lack of adventure. They used to have fun times like this every day. The Card Captor needed flights of fancy like this more often.

"I'll tell you what," Kero finally responded. "I might support that idea, but you have to be my sidekick this time."

There was no response.

"No, really. It's not that hard, we'll just wear masks and reverse the names on our DVD sets… Kero-sama and Sakura-chan. Protectors of the Earth. Maybe Tomoyo will be our publicist! She can shoot some promo spots, and make me a cape, and some sweets, and-"

Kero was interrupted by a loud snore. He looked back at Sakura, resting like a baby on his sopping wet fur. She had fallen asleep with a smile.

"What am I going to do with you, Sakura?" he said with a grin. "Your damn smile is too contagious."

Monday, 12:38 AM

Tomoyo Daidouji landed with a loud thump in the women's restroom. She looked at her hair in the mirror. She was a terrible mess, sopping wet and shivering, and her long locks were frizzed with electro-static, no doubt from The Through's residual magic energy.

"Are you all right, miss?" a flight attendant called with a knock on the door. "We haven't yet cleared the restrooms. Please return to your seat."

Tomoyo pulled the door open. The flight attendant looked at her in shock. She had never seen a case of what she perceived to be airsickness this bad.

"I'll just be a few more minutes, please," she replied.

The flight attendant quietly closed the door.

Monday, 12:50 AM

Soon after making herself look a little less like something straight out of a horror film, Tomoyo had folded up Sakura's jackets and poncho as best she could, and borrowed an in-flight purchase bag to stow them in as she walked down the aisles. It wasn't long before she spotted her dear Meiling, in a window seat several rows ahead, lost in an in-flight magazine.

Her heart beat like there was no tomorrow. She treasured each step taking her closer to her long-lost friend.

"Ex-excuse me," she finally uttered.

Meiling turned her head, and her eyes were wide with surprise. She was absolutely speechless.

"Is this seat taken?" Tomoyo asked, a blush coloring her cold, pale cheeks.

"Tomoyo-chan!" Meiling cried, then threw herself into a tight embrace.

The "fasten seat belt" sign blinked twice and a flight attendant threw them a dirty look, but Meiling didn't care. She glomped her friend in front of the hundreds of half-asleep businessmen; they deigned to complain, desperate as they were for in-flight entertainment.

"I can't believe it's really you," she continued, running her hands through Tomoyo's hair. "Come on, sit down, already," she said, still dumbfounded. She wrapped her blanket around Tomoyo and dried her long hair.

"How… how are you here?" Meiling asked.

"It's a long story," Tomoyo smiled.

"Well, we do have a six hour flight," Meiling continued. "And due to recent events, I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight."

"Meiling-chan, I…"

"Hmm?"

"I… just couldn't bear the thought of you leaving without saying goodbye," Tomoyo forced herself to say. "Maybe it's egotistical of me, but I didn't want to let you go. Ever since you found me in Minnesota, I've been difficult and restless. You've had to take care of me and show me how to be myself again."

"I know exactly what you mean," Meiling responded, nodding.

Her heart was racing. She had allowed herself to hope again, just for a second.

"But it's more than that. I… I want to be around you. I want to share with you the things that make you happy. I want you to smile, to feel loved… when I'm with you, I feel like the two of us can do anything together. You… you heal me, like no one else. You believed in me, and you changed my life for the better. And I want to show you how loved you've made me feel, too. Meiling-chan, I love you."

With that, Tomoyo took her hand. Meiling turned a bright red.

"Oh, Tomoyo-chan… I… I- I love you too."

They held hands tightly. Tomoyo traced Meiling's knuckles, the knuckles of a Kung-Fu warrior-artist. Her fingers, nails chewed down, were imperfect but in need of another pair of fingers between them. She nestled her fingers between Meiling's. They held on tight, their pulses aligning.

Meiling inched her face closer, squeezing the distance between them until it was unbearable. And then they kissed.

When it broke, both girls were red as two roses, both a little terrified.

"That was amazing," Tomoyo said.

"Do you want to do it again?" Meiling asked.

Tomoyo pulled Meiling closer. This time they held each other in a passionate embrace. Tomoyo placed both hands behind Meiling's head, holding her close. Meiling rubbed the tears from Tomoyo's cheek.

"Don't cry, Tomoyo-chan."

"I… I can't help it. I'm just so happy," the girl replied, using her blanket to clear her face. "Sorry if this is so weird."

"Not at all," Meiling smiled, as a tear escaped her left eye. "I'm very happy too. I'm just kind of in shock that you're here with me, and you feel the same way that I do. I'm afraid I'm going to wake up from a dream any instant now."

"Even if I am just part of your dream," Tomoyo quipped, "I'll still be there when you wake up. I'll make the Sandman turn reality upside-down if I have to. I won't let my caring for you be in vain."

"Why are you so good and sweet to me?" she asked. "I'm a mess, Tomoyo-chan. I don't want to drag you down with me."

"We're all a mess," Tomoyo countered. "Every one of us. But maybe that's okay. I'll be by your side. We can write our own story together, with a happy ending."

Meiling held Tomoyo close and they kissed again.

After some prodding, Tomoyo told Meiling how Kero had discovered the details about her flight, and the inspiring way that Sakura made it her mission to get Tomoyo into the plane at all costs.

The girls sat alone for some time, hands held, as the moon bounced off the Pacific far below.

"We're stopping over in Taiwan," Meiling said. "They have a most excellent ramen place."

Tomoyo smiled. "I'd love to have a midnight snack with you," she replied.

"And you know what, we don't even have to get back on the plane after that," Meiling continued.

"We don't?" Tomoyo asked, intrigued. "Then where shall we go?"

"Where our hearts take us," Meiling beamed. "Remember when we were young, and we dreamed about touring the globe?"

"What are you talking about, silly? We're still young."

The line hit Meiling like a ray of sunshine.

"You've got a point. Nevertheless, have you ever been to Europe?"

"Have I?" Tomoyo laughed. She'd been to more European countries than she could remember, once, long ago, when her mother still traveled often for business. She was quite fond of it. "I went there with my mom, long ago. I'd love to go with you. We could visit some of our friends there, too."

"Then let's do it!" Meiling cried out. "Yo! Flight attendant! We need to change our itinerary!"

Tomoyo scratched her head.

"Um, I'm not sure it works that way, exactly, Meiling-chan," she replied. "For one, I don't even have a ticket..."

"Come on, Tomoyo-chan! Do you want to go on an adventure, or not?"

"Most definitely!" Tomoyo responded. "But we need to reserve our tickets at the Taipei airport, ne?"

The flight attendant came up to their seat, her patience a little worn by these troublesome passengers.

"Yes, how can I help you?"

Tomoyo came in to save the day. "Do you have wine, by any chance?"

"Why, yes. Would you like red or white?"

Meiling and Tomoyo exchanged glances.

"Red," Meiling said at last. "It's a special occasion, you see."

"Really?" the flight attendant asked sarcastically.

"That's right. We just realized that we're in love and we're going to get engaged!"

Tomoyo and the flight attendant blushed a bright red.

"Um…"

"Just kidding!" Meiling yelled, hugging Tomoyo. Both laughed as the flight attendant whisked away, a bit too quickly, to grab their wine. Tomoyo wondered if she was going to spike it with some knockout juice.

"Y-y-you shouldn't joke about things like that," Tomoyo said at last, when their wine had been served.

"It's only a joke if you want it to be," Meiling replied with a wink.

Tomoyo studied her expression. It was genuine. She kissed Meiling again.

"Then I accept," she beamed. "But only if you let me design your dress and pick out the rings," she winked and let out a hearty laugh. Meiling joined her and the two laughed until they nearly cried, and then they kissed again.

"I'll follow you anywhere, Meiling-chan," Tomoyo said, toasting her companion. They downed their wine, and Tomoyo snuggled up to her Meiling.

Meiling Li looked away briefly, at the approaching, moonlit metropolis of Taipei, and knew, deep down in her heart, that no one in that city of two million people was nearly as lucky as her. It didn't matter that they were both women. It didn't matter what their mothers or aunts or anyone else would say. She'd found her soulmate at last, and damn anyone who would ever judge them.

"Thank you, Tomoyo-chan. You've made me the happiest girl in the world. I wish that this feeling would never end," Meiling whispered.

"It doesn't have to. You were right. We do make quite a team."

Tomoyo stroked her arm gently. Now it was Meiling's turn to turn bright red. She kissed Tomoyo's forehead.

"Get some rest, Tomo-chan."

Liking the new nickname, The ashen-haired girl nodded as she let herself rest on Meiling's shoulder. She'd later say it was the best nap she'd had in years. There were no more nightmares. They held hands under the airline blanket, each girl knowing that whatever tomorrow would hold for them, the other wouldn't be going away anytime soon.

For the first time in a long time, both women felt their hearts at peace.

**THE END**

**(End Credits Go Here)**

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**Author's Note:** Major thanks are in order to anyone who has taken the time to read this final chapter! I doubt many of you were holding their breath for me to finish a years-long story, but I very much appreciate any reviews, comments or criticisms! Thank you loyal readers and fellow CCS fans! :D


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